TGIF

We picked up the children this afternoon and the foster mom had packed for them the way I used to pack when I was a new mom – I was always paranoid that I would need something and would have left it home! So I used to pack like we were going away for a week! This was how their bags were packed andfor a split second, my husband and I were confused if this was the day we were taking permanent custody of the children! Oh no, where would they sleep tonight – my husband had not put together the cribs, and there were a million other things I needed to do to get ready! But no, the packing was just for a day visit. The children were happily waving good-bye to the foster mom, but once we drove away, they realized she was not coming along. They teared up a little which is a good sign that they are attached to her, but were soon curious about all that they were seeing. They are so alert and so curious! We picked up our oldest son from preschool and he was so excited to come tothe car and find his sister and his brother waiting for him. The twins were excited to see him and when we got home, we found my sister and my nephe wwaiting for us at the door. It was a nice welcome and my sister got to meet her new niece and nephew. My son played with his siblings for a while, but then my nephew took him to play with him so that we could spend more time with the twins. My nephew is so wonderful – he is fourteen years old, but he is not your regular sullen teen. He is intuitive and does not get embarrassed at having to play with four year olds! He is the same nephew who came for my son’s preschool Christmas program. Though he would act like he was not supposed to be there and roll his eyes when my son wanted to go talk to Santa just one more time, he would still put him on his shoulders and stand in line behind all the other preschoolers, until my son got his chance to talk to Santa again! He got to hold the twins and he has been so accepting – his reaction when we told him we were adopting was – simply saying great, and asking what their names were and when they were coming! I wish more adults would have the same heart! It was tough to take them back in the evening, but we were able to put them to sleep.

Visit Time!

Tonight, my oldest son and I went to visit his siblings and once again, we had a very good visit. The kids actually recognize us and willingly come to us. We played for about half an hour and then had to leave because it was getting to their bedtime. They were actually putting out their hands to me when I was at the door and it was hard saying good-bye! Oh how I love my children! Tomorrow, I get to have them all afternoon! They are coming toour house for a visit! My husband actually went to buy some clothes for the babies. This is huge because he hates going to shop for clothes. He wanted to reassure me that he loves the babies and was not sure if I was really joking when I teased him that he cancelled a visit so that he could go look at cars! Oh dear - I have absolutely no doubt about his love for his children. I guess I will need to be reassuring him more, or come to think of it, maybe not so that he can continue going clothes shopping!

Bona Fide Soccer mom!

We were supposed to have a visit today and the foster mom had called earlier to let us know that she was keeping the kids up so that they would be awake when we got there. However, she called my husband and said it might not be a good time to visit as the children were pretty cranky from having missed their afternoon nap. The foster mom said when our daughter woke up on Tuesday morning, she was looking around for the person who had put her down to sleep! That made my heart very happy. However, I was sad, sad, sad at not being able to visit today – I had been so looking forward to seeing my babies again! My husband did not want to the evening to go to waste and wanted to do something related to the adoption. So, offwe went car shopping. Now my husband was very excited about going car shopping – I had a second of doubt when I wondered if he had cancelled the visit! He was horrified at the thought! We did find a used car that weliked and one that is not a van! I was not quite ready for a van yet. However, if God makes His will clear about another adoption, we will haveroom for 4 car seats. We did end up buying the car and now have the added responsibility of selling one of our cars! The price they offered to trade in our old one, was not quite we had in mind. It is amazing just how longit takes to buy a car! I mean, we went to Carmax, which has haggle free pricing – the sticker price is what you pay – so you don’t have to spend three to four hours trying to negotiate the price. We only took one car out for a test drive, and the car salesmen do not pressure you at all – they just open up the cars you want to look at and are available to answer any questions you may have. However the process still ended up taking 3 ½hours!

Pajamas for you!

Today we went to visit the children after I got off work. We had a good visit with them and we even got to hold them and rock them. Most times,they will only let you hold them for a few seconds before they are offcrawling away, wanting you to chase after them! My husband was able to rock his son to sleep and the foster mom was very surprised because he does notlet himself be rocked to sleep. We were able to put the children down tosleep and it is so obvious the love and care the foster mom puts into her foster children. Their room is really nice and kid friendly. They each have stuffed animals and a special blankie. I am so thankful that God placed them in this home. I am trying to think of the right words to express this in the letter I plan to write to the foster mom when we take full custody of the children. Though we don’t get to visit till Wednesday since the foster mom is not available on Tuesday, I have so much peace knowing that they are in a place where they are loved and extremely well taken care of. My sister bought the kids some clothes and because I think they will outgrow them soon, we brought them over so that they can get to wear them before they are too small. The are the onesie like full length outfits (I forgot their name) and my son were supper excited when he saw them – now his brother and sister have pajamas!

Son - your brother and your sister!

Today our son got to meet his new siblings. He was really excited aboutgoing to meet them, but before we were even half way there, he started insisting that we needed to go to the store and get his sister and his brother pajamas! Not sure why he was worried that they did not have pajamas! We did not have time to stop and get them pajamas, but we were able to convince him that he was fine just taking them the toys we hadbought with the money from his piggy bank. It was a real joy watching thekids interact – my son immediately went and hugged his brother and sister,opened their toys for them and then washed his hands and started feeding them their snacks (yogurt melts). He was getting a kick out of telling themthat they needed to take turns as he would put a yogurt melt in one child’smouth and then the other. He was excited to see them stand holding on tofurniture and he was crawling on the floor and trying to get them to followhim. It was a really wonderful visit and he gladly shared Mommy's lap by letting me hold both babies on my lap. The babies seemed to realize that he was a child and were happy to play hide and seek with him and follow him for more snacks. My heart is full. If only we would always have the love and innocence of children.

Daddy and his babies

Though my husband and I had wanted to adopt before we ever met, during the adoption journey, I have mainly done all the research, set up appointments and in general have had adoption on the brain nonstop. My husband has been available for every class, every meeting and given a listening ear when I have needed to rant and rave! However, the idea seemed to be pretty abstract to him. Now that the babies are real and we have met them, it is as though he is a different guy! Today, he actually went to visit with the children by himself because I had to work. He did not want to wait till we could all go visit them on Saturday. He was so anxious to go that he even forgot some snacks I had packed for the babies that the foster mom had advised us that they like! He got to feed them their bottles, play with them and change their diapers (this from the guy who wore goggles and two pairs of gloves when doing the first diaper change at the hospital when our son was born)! He was very excited to let me know the children’s ticklish spots and more about their personalities. It seems our roles have now changed– while he is now talking all things adoption, I am almost paralyzed at all the things we need to do to get ready for the kids. Minor stuff like getting a new car, renting out our condo, renting a new place, having a new home inspection of our new place and our home study amended, getting cribs,a double stroller, etc! I thank God at how we complement each other! I am so thankful for my husband that he “gets” adoption and that I never needed to have to convince him!

It's a wonderful day!

My stomach has been in knots all week! I mean, how do you prepare for the day you meet your children? With birth, things are a bit out of your control. I mean, you are either drugged out or in great pain, so you are not particularly picky about the professionals following your birth plan to the letter. Things just seem to fall into place. But, this is different! Today is the day we meet the twins! I have packed and repacked their gift bags, second guessed myself and made several trips to the stores to get just the perfect gift. I wanted something meaningful for our first meeting, something to break the ice, but also, something that was not overwhelming. I never knew I could get this indecisive! The indecision must have been contagious, because just when I thought I had finally gotten the right gifts, my husband started going through the gifts bags and second guessing every gift! I finally convinced him that mama had things under control and to trust me on this one! Our meeting was in the afternoon and as luck would have it, I left the gift bags at home when I went to work in the morning. I spent the whole morning having visions of my husband going though the bags and removing some toys!

We went to the foster home, and in tow were two social workers, my husband and I. Not only was it nerve wracking getting to meet my kids for the first time, we were going to be under the scrutiny of two social workers and a foster mom who is really attached to the kids and wants to make sure they are going to a good family! We need not have worried! I am so thankful that the social workers were they. They really stayed out of the way and just chit chatted with the foster mom while we got on the floor and started talking to the children. It took about fifteen minutes before they got curious enough about us. At first they would hold on to the foster mom's legs before they started peeking at the people making goofy faces at them. They finally felt sorry for the two strange adults who were trying their hardest not to cry and they got curious about the bags we had brought. The wrapping paper was a hit! My baby girl was the first to start tearing open the gifts and giving us a smile. My baby boy is more reserved and first observes to make sure that everything is okay. He did finally warm up to us and he was fascinated with my buttons and teeth! He must have been thinking, mommy, what big teeth you have! Daddy played with his baby girl more while I had purposed to focus more on my son, because the social worker had described my baby girl as the more robust of the twins. Per the social worker, she is the one who has always rebounded from their hospitilizations faster and is more curious. My son loves to cuddle! Yeah, because this mommy loves to cuddle her babies! The social workers had the presence of mind to ask all the important things my husband and I could not think of. Important things like sleeping schedules (6:45 p.m. to 6:45 a.m and a three hour nap in the morning), feeding schedules, what foods they eat and like (yogurt melts), their nightime schedule (bath, book, bottle) and their clothing sizes (18-24 months for my baby girl and 24 months for my baby boy). I could not have asked for a better home for my children to be waiting for their forever family. The foster mom is warm and loving and has an immaculate home. She has one child, a 20 year old who is away in college, but you see the love she has for children. Her home is so kid friendly and the children have so many toys and books. The babies were all dressed up and my daughter's hair was nice and all fixed up in cute barrettes. They are working so hard to walk! They were both evaluated by our Regional Center which intervenes to provide services to children under three that have handicaps. The specialists at the regional center feel that all their delays are environmental and they don't qualify for services. Thank you Jesus! They only will provide Occupational Therapy for my son because he has torsilitis (his neck muscles did not develope well and sometimes, his head is tilted to one side). This was not evident at this meeting and the foster mom told us she only sees it sometimes. The social workers were amazed at the progess the kids have made since coming into care and knowing just a little of their case history, I know God has answered the prayers we were praying for our child/ren while we were waiting. God has brought healing. Knowing some of their case history, I can only thank God for my babies' tenacity.

We visited for about an hour and a half and when it was time to leave, the babies actually crawled us to the door! I left wondering if the foster mom approved of us. She does not have any say in the matter, but I really wanted to reassure her that the children she has taken care of and loved for the last few months are going to a home where they will be absolutely loved. We spent a few minutes outside with the social workers decompressing from the emotion of the meeting. I am so thankful for how the process is going now!

From a family of three to a family of five (maybe six?)

Today, we officially accepted the twins' referral. On Friday, we met both social workers and they shared information on the children. I was furiously writting because I did not want to miss a thing and also to keep my emotions in check, because some of the information we were getting was very painful and difficult to hear. I was oblivious to the fact that one social worker was doing all the talking and the other one was watching our reactions. My husband came to the rescue! He seemed to be in overdrive communicating our enthusiasm in accepting the referral. I did wonder for a second why he seemed so chatty, but I did not allow myself to dwell on that, because I had to furiously write! Only later did he share that he felt our social worker who was doing the observing wanted to know our reactions. Since I was totally blank, he felt he needed to compensate! We were asked to think about our decision over the weekend, but we were so ready to say yes, yes, yes during our Friday meeting. We told our son this weekend about his new brother and sister and he could not have been more excited. He immediately wanted me to get the money from his piggy bank so that he could buy toys for his brother and sister. I reminded him that he was saving money to buy a train ticket, but he did not bat an eye. Oh, how I love my son's giving heart! He did immediately ask if they do not have a mommy and a daddy and I told him his mommy and daddy were going to be their mommy and daddy. He wanted us to go get them right away and when we explained that they would be coming home soon, he very concerned that they were with a stranger. He just learned about stranger danger in school and it is interesting how he internalized the lesson! We have spent a lot of time trying to reassure him that they are with a friend who is taking care of them before we get ready to bring them home. He has been saying his shoes (which are new) are too tight and he wanted to save them for his brother. All weekend he was talking about his brother and sister. He wanted to take their picture to school for his sharing day. My heart is bursting with love for my son and I thank God so much for how He is preparing my son for his new role as a big brother. I had so much fun buying some clothes for my daughter and my son did get to spend his pennies and nickels :) to buy some toys for his brother and sister. We also went car shopping this weekend - we could not figure our how to fit three carseats in a Corolla! Exciting times! I never thought I would be a van driving mom, but I sense God is not yet done with us on this adoption journey!

I got to work this morning and a second later, my husband started calling to see if I had spoken to the social worker to let her know we accepted the referral. He must have called me six times in half an hour and he was elated when I finally called the social worker to say yes, we are humbled and honored to be the parents of baby girl and baby boy. I am still shaking and I have not stopped staring at their pictures! I told some of my coworkers and everyone has been so supportive and excited! To say my mind has been preoccupied has been an understatement! And to top it off, we get to visit the babies this Thursday! The game plan is to visit them along with both social workers. Then we set up visits in their foster home. After they are comfortable with us and accept care from us, we can take them to the park near their foster home, before bringing them home for a visit. Then we will do an overnight visit and touch base with the social worker to make sure the move is not so traumatic for babies. This will be their third home in their short lives and though I want them home like yesterday, I understand that this is the best way to minimize the trauma of changing homes again.

Not Me! Mondays

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I am not married to a husband who sneaks "sugar" disguised as cereal into the house. Because, I am not trying to instil healthy eating habits in my son and I try to avoid bringing foods with processed sugar into the house. I mean brightly colored packets of "fruit loops" are not tempting to a four year old and I am not the mean mommy who has to say no to said child who begs to have just one serving a week. Said husband has not been taking said four year old out on father/son outings most Saturday mornings. I am not the slow mother who took a few months to finally wonder why said son seemed to be able to point out all the doughnut shops in my town. I mean, I had never taken him to one, but he is smart and all, so why would he not figure out what all the shops sell! When it finally dawned on me why he could point them all out, said husband did not sheepishly say he was only trying to continue a family tradition, because his father also took him and his siblings out for doughnuts on Saturday mornings. You know how sugar will turn a dull morning into a great opportunity to make lasting memories for a child. To try to forestall my mad woman dance and wild ululations from all the sugar damage my mind was conjuring, said husband did not tell me that plain doughnuts are not that bad. He did not get totally busted when son chimed in that his favorite doughnuts were chocolate or sprinkle ones! Even with my best efforts, said child does not have 4 cavities already. And I am not the mother who is second guessing the pediatric dentist who "discovered" the cavities and recommended a treatment plan calling for $800 in out of pocket expenses. I am not the mother who pounced on all the negative reviews of said dental practice to justify delaying shelling out this kind of money for baby teeth. I am not the mother who is getting a second opinion from my dentist because there is only one pediatric dentist in my dental plan in my area. I mean, my son's dental health should be my primary concern and $800 should be a small price to pay to ensure a good dental experience for my son in an office with all the bells and whistles for a youngster!

...all I want for Christmas is a -- or a --

Mom busy making dinner. Son wanting to play horsie, just one more time - for the hundredth time. Mommy tells son to be patient and they can play after dinner. Son says okay, but says he will ask santa next Christmas for a brother or a sister to play with and share his toys with. Oh baby if you only knew! We still have not told our son about the adoption - we were waiting to first meet with the social workers for the official referral. I can hardly wait to see his face this weekend when he finds out he will not only have a brother or sister, but a brother AND a sister!

I am immensely proud of my son and his giving heart. He got a toy tonight from Macdonalds and another child wanted the same toy, but Macdonald's had ran out of the toy. Without a second thought or any prompting, my son happily gave the other child his toy. He has a heart of gold, is wonderful around other kids and will make a marvelous older brother!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I so am not the mom who was skipping pages of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" I mean, I have totally learnt the lesson about being a grinch after having read the book every night since Christmas at my son's request. I am not the mom who was being super hyper trying to distract her son, so that he would not realize his mom was skipping pages. I mean it would not have taken less time to actually read the whole book than the time taken to do silly distracting antics. I am also not the mom who got totally outsmarted by said son, when he took the book and pointed out all the pages I had skipped. And I had to re-read the book, yet again! Sigh!

I am so not the mom who is failing her four year old in his christian education. He tried convincing me that he put a rainbow up in the sky because he had painted a rainbow earlier in the day and later that evening saw a rainbow in the sky. My best attempts to explain how a rainbow forms and how it is a reminder of God's promise to us did not go in through one ear and out the next. Because said son was not excitedly telling his friends the following day how he had put a rainbow in the sky.

Pray for Me....Pray for Others

We participate in "Pray for Me... Pray for Others" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to add your prayer request.

1/2 week down, 1 1/2 more to go before we get to review the twins' file and get the official referral. Praying for patience and trusting God that the babies are loved and well taken care of. I think about them daily and worry and wonder if they are safe, happy and loved. But I know that the Kings of Kings loves them and is watching over them.

Still praying for our friend D for continual healing. He is now able to limp on his leg though he still has the swelling. Praying that he is able to make the next training session.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl and Baby Boy!

One year ago today, you came into this world. We were thinking of adoption at the time and you were born in our hearts on that day. Though we did not know about the miracle of your birth one year ago, your birth was not a surprise to the Most Holy of Holies - He knew you from the very foundation of the earth! He wonderfully formed you in the womb, and knows every single atom of your being! Mom and dad tried to move mountains to make sure that you knew someone cared about your special day. However, we have to work with an imperfect system and it is our prayer that your foster family made this day special for you. It was a bitter sweet day for us - a day of thanksgiving that you are safe, loved and well taken care of, but bitter knowing that you are so close, yet we could not give you a hug and a kiss and celebrate with you this milestone birthday. If God gives us the priviledge to raise you, we will make it up to you! We pray to be able to celebrate your next milestones like your first steps and all the many firsts you will have. On this day, we promise to be your biggest advocates and cheer leaders. We promise to love you and daily show our love to you so that you will never have cause to question our unabiding love for you. We promise to demonstrate Christ's love for you by the way we live our lives and that you may see Christ in us. We pray to be worthy of the honor to be called your parents. We promise to raise you in the fear of the Lord and we ask the Lord to set you apart for Himself that your lives may be a testimony to the goodness of God. We pray that the Lord may always protect you, guide you and direct your paths.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl and Baby Boy!