Christmas Traditions.

What are some of your favorite Christmas memories and what are your family traditions? As a child, I loved going caroling on Christmas Eve and all the carolers would be carrying lanterns and we would all end up in Church for the midnight service. For Christmas, we always got new clothes and shoes and we could hardly wait for Christmas day so that we could wear our new clothes, go to church and then go back home for the biggest party ever. My parents always had an open house on Christmas day and we were never sure who would turn up. We always had over 50 people at my parent’s house on Christmas Day and we had fun playing, playing, playing and eating, eating, eating. When most people always remember a favorite dessert they always had during Christmas, my family remembers that antacids were always the fi rst item on the shopping list when preparing for our big feast!

Traditions that my husband, son and I have include getting and decorating our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, playing Christmas music thoughout the month of December, going to see Christmas lights the weekend before Christmas, watching Charlie Brown ‘s Christmas Story and making a special appetizer pastry that takes four to five hours to make! Actually, I have done this 3 years out of the last six and wiggled out of it the rest of the time because it is so labor intensive. However, I have decided to make this a yearly tradition. My husband helped me make the pastries last night and they are in the freezer ready to be deep fried on Christmas Day. It was a wonderful time of fellowship listening to Christmas music, watching my son look at the Christmas Tree lights and folding those pastries with my husband. He is the most playful, funny and kind hearted man I know! We also stay up late and open one present each on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, we have a good breakfast before loading up and going to spend Christmas with either my family or my husband’s family. Now that my son is older, we will be reading one of the Gospel accounts of the Christmas story.

I have been trying to get a protestant church that does a midnight service on Christmas Eve, but so far I have not been so successful. The first protestant church we found about 5 years ago, had an open invitation for communion and they clearly stated on their invitation that Holy communion was open to all irrespective of your religion. They said it did not matter if you were Muslim, Jewish or Hindu to please join in taking communion. Okay, so even if you do not believe in the deity of Christ or that He is the messiah, you are to partake in communion in remembrance of Him who you do not believe in? So what is the meaning of communion again? No return visit. Last year, we went to a catholic church and it was standing room only. We may have theological differences, but the service was beautiful and there was such a sense of reverence. I think the protestant church tried so hard to emphasis grace and do away with legalism that the end by-product is services that most times seem so flippant and irreverent. Some sweet old lady fell in love with my son and gave him a statue of Jesus and a Rosary at the end of the service! So we soldier on looking for a protestant church with a midnight service. This year we are going for a candlelight service at 6:00 p.m. Next year, we will return to the catholic church if no protestant church takes up the challenge. I am determined to share this tradition with my son.

I so desperately wish that my adoptive child or children were here this Christmas as we make new memories. But all in God’s timing. It is tough wondering if my child/ren know that they are loved, wondering if they have warm clothes to wear, or if they will have enough food. I really don't think this year I will be gorging myself as the children God will place in our home and hearts have been so much on my mind lately.

Jesus, The Reason for the Season

I love, love Christmas. And it is made even more special watching my four year old son and husband get into all the Christmas festivities with gusto. In the last few years, I have felt commercialism seep more into my observance of Christmas. I am driven by empathy for others and I never adhere to my list for the people I will buy gifts for. My heart is always drawn to others who do not have families to celebrate Christmas with and once I start on this road, things quickly go out of control. I also get suckered by all the wonderfully wrapped gifts at the stores and I quickly start thinking who would love a particular wonderfully wrapped box of chocolate! But of course, since they do not have much family, I need to get them something else! While it gives me great pleasure giving to others, I find myself at the stores on the 23rd of December in long lines because I have thought of yet one more person. My family has some Christmas traditions, but I have been feeling more and more that my husband and I focus more on gift giving. I will do my Christmas shopping for family on both sides and for our friends and then my husband goes to do his last minute Christmas Shopping (he likes living on the edge)! He ends up buying another gift for most of the people I had already shopped. I do not like to take the joy he gets from doing this, but I have always wished we could write down a list and stick to it! This year, I have been yearning for my observance of Christmas to have more meaning than gift buying. And God is good. When I asked my husband to let me know who he was shopping for so that we would not duplicate efforts, he said that this year he is scaling back. What! Never in a million years would I have expected this. My husband’s dad raised 5 kids as a single parent and toys and gifts were few and far between during the year. However, on each of the children’s birthdays and on Christmas, my father-in-law would go overboard. Hence my husband’s love for Christmas and “going overboard” too!

Most of my Christmas shopping was done in November. I have been successful in sticking to my list this year and my husband has surely cut back! This year, he only shopped for four people (a huge improvement from his normal list of 13-15 people)! He only shopped my son, the family member for whom he is playing Secret Santa, and a friend from church who will join us for Christmas. There is hope after all!

This year, rather than thinking of which gift I should get a friend or family member, I am more concerned that they have the greatest gift of all – Salvation. Of what value is my getting them their 100th shirt or sweater if I have never shared the gospel message with them. The earthly things will all pass away, but the gift of salvation will last for all eternity (and the consequence of rejecting that free gift). Church has been wonderful this Christmas season. Each of the last four Sundays was strictly on the Christmas message with readings from the Old and New Testament and lots of Christmas Carols. Sometimes I always feel that the church treats Christmas and Easter as an interruption to their program instead of a time to slow done and be reflective. As a child, Christmas and Easter were such "Holy" holidays and I am so full of Joy this Christmas season that I got both the simplicity I have been yearning for and church services that have been drawing me to center my observance of Christmas on Him whose birth we celebrate.

In all our preparations to make this Christmas the best one yet, May we look back to the best one of all 2,000 years ago and really spend time reflecting on the “Reason for the Season”!

Not Me! Monday

I so totally did not have a busy week and had enough time to get present for my son’s friend's birthday. Being so good at multi-tasking, I had good intentions to get a present on the way to the birthday party. Of course, I did leave enough time for my husband to get an attack of the vanities and he so totally did not squander the time allocated to get a gift by taking an extra looong shower and changing clothes numerous times! I mean, we do have to look our best when going to a five year old’s birthday party! Being the good mommy I am, I so totally did not re-gift a present my son got for his birthday and which he had been saving to open later. Of course, being a good mommy, I so did not hide the wrapped present from my son and rush us all out of the house. I also did not change the topic a million times and turn up the radio in the car because my son is aware we always go present shopping together and he was curious to know what I got for his friend’s birthday. No, not me, because good mommies don't do things like that :)

Not me! Monday

Since we are in the wait mode on the adoption front and it is not like we have had not had numerous adoption- related classes, this Saturday, so that we can feel as though we are being proactive and doing something and for the heck of it, we took another adoption class. We met another pre-adoptive couple and the husband told us that he worked in a group home with 6 -13 years old who were very disturbed and on serious psychotropic medications. Think fascination with setting fires, fascination with knives and scissors and hurting dogs and children. Miniature Jeffery Dahmers (not my words – but the gentleman who had worked with the children).

For a little levity on a very serious discussion on what we would do if that was one of our children, I so totally did not start joking on barricading ourselves in the bedroom at night. I also so totally did not encourage my husband and the other couple, by laughing uncontrollable when they were coming up with different suggestions on what they would do. I mean it is not funny hearing someone laugh when telling you they would tie a bell around the child’s ankle to herald the child's approach and warm them of imminent danger. Nor is it funny to suggest training the dogs to bark and let you know that a child is approaching your bedroom when you are asleep. I also so totally did not re-tell my sister the story in the evening and laugh once again until my sides hurt. Because, lets face, I am a serious child advocate and it just is not nice laughing at things like that. Also, my husband does not have a quick wit and a warped sense of humor and is able to provide comedic relief in most serious situations. I am not even telling whose bright ideas they were: bell or trained dogs. I think that my husband actually met his twin because I am not sure whose idea was worse, my husband’s or the other gentleman’s.

Hair and Adoptions!

Okay, so I know I have posted before on all the “chance” meetings I have had with adoptive parents, but I still get a kick every time it happens! In keeping with my new resolve to cut costs everywhere I can so that we can save for our adoption, I made an appointment to get my hair done at a Beauty College. They charge 1/3 what I normally pay at a regular salon, but the downside is that you get a student to do your hair, and you are never quite sure how far along they are in the program! Anyway, that was my second visit and I have been pleased with the results both times! (could this be due to the fact I have become less vain the older I got hence my standards may have lowered? Hmm :) I was a bit late because, I get lost—I am the girl who gets lost going home and I sometimes second guess the GPS system that I got as a Christmas present last year and still manage to get lost! By God’s providence, someone else got to do my hair and of course, she is an adoptive mom to a four year old boy! She adopted a child who was exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero from the foster care system when the child was 3 months old. She just answered God’s calling to adopt this child as a single 25 year old and just trusted God. My hair dresser is now married and has a second child who is one and both her children are the best of friends. More likely than not, if an infant gets placed in our home from the foster care system, statistically, the child will most likely to have been exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero. This is the primary reason most infants are removed from their parents care (alcohol is actually more damaging to a child in the womb than any other illegal drug, but since alcohol is a legal beverage, they do not test for alcohol exposure once a child is born. However, it is safe to assume that the child will have fetal alcohol syndrome though their file may not mention this). My hair dresser shared that her son is well adjusted, loving, attached, and does extremely well in school. She does not see any lasting damage from the drug and alcolol exposure, though as an infant, she told me he cried a lot. I normally tend to prepare my mind for the worst case scenario and it was no different when I read about all the ill effects of alcohol and drug exposure to an unborn baby. This “chance” meeting could not have been more timely. I was feeling a little discouraged on the adoption front, because my 10 year old car would not start and we had just heard the verdict from the mechanic: $603 in repairs! Ouch! Oh car, do you know how far back you just set us on our international adoption? Oh, well, I guess the car does not care – probably thinks I should be grateful that it has ran for 10 years relatively problem free. Yeah, yeah, more than 130, 000 miles later, I guess I should not be complaining!. Anyway, God is good and I did get encouragment just when I needed it!

"Chance" Meetings.

It still amazes me all the chance meetings we have had with adoptive parents since we started our adoption journey. This weekend we went to a friend’s birthday party and were introduced to the adoptive parents of an outgoing, friendly, loving, handsome and precious seven year old boy. The parents are wonderful people and were happy to share their story. The boy was adopted at 3 years old from the foster care system and this was his 15th placement! The parents had talked about adoption before, but never really started the process. The child’s parental rights had already been terminated and the child was available for adoption. Within one month, the boy was already in their home and the adoption was completed within six months. The mom shared that God in His infinite wisdom made the process go so fast, because she may have started second guessing herself if the process was longer. She knows without a doubt that God intended for the little boy to be their son. The downside to the speed of the process was because they got licensed right away and did not take any pre-adoptive classes. They were totally swimming on their own. When they were in crisis mode, their social worker only gave them a list of people to call, but in true “child welfare agency” form, no-one would ever return their calls. This has always been our major concern in adopting from the foster system: no-one seems to ever talk about post-adoption services. It appears that you jump hoops to get licensed to adopt, but once the child is in your home, you are on your own. I am not sure what the rational is, because it seems logical to expect that child adopted from the foster care system are more likely than not to present special challenges considering their history of abuse, neglect and multiple placements.

God has blessed them with really supportive family and they shared they have been a life saver. After such a traumatic start, the little boy has major issues, which has totally transformed this family’s lives. However, I have never seen such love and commitment as I saw on the parents’ faces when talking to us about their son. After a four year journey of heartbreak and totally feeling like the only one going through this, she feels they are making a breakthrough. Her son is in a school that is equipped to meet his needs, and they no longer get daily calls to pick him up from school. He is starting to become attached to them and they are also amazed at the love and compassion their older son has for his little brother.

The family generously offered to keep in touch and be a resource to us once we have our child/ren home. I am amazed at how God is orchestrating things and putting people in our lives who are either walking our walk or who have been there and have a wealth of information and are a great resource.

3 Days, 3 Weeks, 3 Months, 3 Years, 3 Decades?

The ever interesting twists to get a copy of our home-study report from our local Child Welfare Agency! Our social worker had informed us that she was a fast typist and usually completed the home-study report three days after the last home-study visit. Well, more than a month later, we still do not have a copy. When I called the social worker, she had not even started typing the home-study report! Rather than be a little embarrassed at having stretched the truth earlier on, she instead proceeded to give me a lecture on what we can and cannot use the home-study report for! Okay, can we at least have the report before worrying about its uses! Its primary purpose is to ensure that we are licensed to adopt a child. Sans the report, no license to adopt! This is the epitome of government efficiency! And we wonder where our tax dollars go? 8 months of jumping though hoops trying to get a simple home-study report! And our lives are pretty boring – what if we had some skeletons in our closets? Oh, I forgot, the agency told us they would be more than happy to make an exception if we had criminal histories!

Not Me! Monday!

1. I so totally did not spend tax payer dollars watching the clock all day because our database at work is down for three days and they won't let us take the time off.


2. I so totally did not spend valuable work hours daydreaming that I have employed a cleaning service because I did not clean my house this weekend like I had intended to. For those in the know, do cleaning services attack the dust bunnies hiding behind your refrigerators?


3. I so totally did not spend valuable work hours planning things to do with my son tomorrow, because I have the day off.

And that my friends, is your tax dollars at work! Okay, my cubicle has never gotten such a good scrubbing, I have spent hours making sure that I am a totally 21st Century government employee -- I have made sure there is not a scrap of paper that has dared find its way into my cubicle in keeping with our paperless office policy. My Lotus Notes are organized and I only have two more hours to figure out appropriate uses of your tax dollars!

And now..............

So, what is the status of our adoption plans? We are done with the requirements for the foster care adoption, now we just wait. Oh yeah--I still need to contact the social worker to give us a copy of the homestudy report. I had asked the social worker if we would get a draft copy before the typed the final copy. She advised that she does not do draft copies--just the final copy. You really get what you pay for! It will cost us $500 for the home study once we get and accept a referral from the foster care agency. The private homestudy will cost us about $3,300, but we at least get to see a draft report and can make corrections if the social worker even infers we are less than supper mommy and supper daddy:) Our social worker told us she normally takes three days after the last home study visit to write up the report. It has been more than three weeks since that auspicious event, so I had better get on the phone! On the International adoption end, we have a homestudy agency, the adoption agency application fees, the Immigration Services fees and faith that God will make a way for us to raise the rest of the money.

When there seems to be a lull in the process and nothing seems to be moving, God orchestrates circumstances to remind me of His Heart for orphans and that we are on the right track. On Thursday, we had training at work and I sat with a co-worker who is pursuing adoption and another co-worker who is looking at adoption, but who did not know where to start. It was a blessing to talk about adoption with people who "get it" and share my passion and enthusiasm. I was able to share my story and we really had a wonderful sense of community! On Friday, I was at a breakfast hosted by a local christian radio station, and when the general manager was introduced, you will not guess what she talked about! Yes, adoption! Her 3 year old son just arrived home from Rwanda 1 1/2 months ago! Their journey took 2 years and they were true pioneers in adopting from Rwanda. They got the adoption decree from the court 1 1/2 years ago, but had to wait 1 1/2 years for a document from the Rwandan government allowing their son to leave the country. The GM relocated from Colorado to California six months ago, leaving her extended family, friends and church family. She was totally not expecting to get the call 1 1/2 months ago to get her son because of the timing. A lesson I am having to learn--not in my time, but Yours Lord!

Streeeeeeeeeeeeetching Heart!

My arms are still outstretched waiting for the child God will place in our arms. In the meanwhile, my prayer life has totally been transformed. I have "met" so many wonderful fellow adoptive mom on the blogosphere. My prayers are no longer an outward spiral with me and my needs at the center. Instead, I find myself praying earnestly and fervently for perfect strangers, their children and husbands. I am consumed with other people's needs and continually petition God throughout the day on their behalf. I pray for a little girl adopted from Guatemala who is sick in the hospital with Leukemia. I pray for a little boy who in the hospital after a horrific accident five weeks after arriving home from Ethiopia-he lost his legs, and they are not sure if his hand will work. I pray for a wonderful lady whose family is going through the grief of an adoption disruption. I pray for several wonderful families waiting for their children to come home or whose children are already home and are going through the adjustments of creating a new family. I pray for wonderful lady bloggers whose faith and walk in Christ are an inspiration and who force me to step out of my comfort zone and seek to do and be all that God intends me to do and be. Oh, yeah, when I am done with praying, I have totally forgotten to ask for my "wants" that a few months ago I was convinced were "needs".

Throughout this journey, my faith is being strengthened, my passion for those with no voice is being renewed daily and I am constantly praying to have the heart for orphans and widows that our Heavenly father has commanded us to have.

Yippee!

We graduated!! We finally finished our three Saturdays of pre-adoption classes. We even got nice certificates to prove it! I have tons of notes and references for when baby finally comes home! We have our physicals next week and that should be it. Our social worker told us she normally takes three days after the last home visit to write the home-study report, so hopefully we should be good to go by end of next week. It seems surreal!

We had both prospective foster and adoptive parents in the class and the emphasis of the classes seemed to be on foster parenting. I guess this is to be expected—there are approximately 8,000 children in foster care in my county and last year, only 200 adoptions were completed from the foster care system. The downside to this is that they did not cover some important adoption topics like attachment issues.

The group dynamics continued to keep the classes interesting and lively. Our “class rep” was going on and on about a teen she knows who is currently homeless, but is doing very well and taking college classes. The “class rep” was trying to find out how the system could help her teenage friend, but one person finally put the responsibility on our class rep’s lap! She jokingly told her since she was there to get licensed to foster teenage children, and she was so concerned for her friend, maybe she could open up her home to the teenager! That took the wind out of our “class rep” and she was quiet for the rest of the afternoon! I never thought there was anything that could keep her quiet!

We had a visit from a mom and dad whose baby was taken from them when the baby was born prematurely and both child and mom tested positive for meth exposure. It put a face to the drug problem—most of the children in foster care have been exposed to alcohol and/or drugs in utero. The family looked like your bank employees or high school teachers. They took about a year before they cleaned up their act and went into residential drug treatment programs. For them, it is a story of redemption and hope which unfortunately is not the norm for most other parents whose children are in the foster care system. The family currently works with the Child Welfare Agency mentoring other parents whose children have been removed from their care. They help them navigate the system, get to the point of taking responsibility for their actions and encourage them to take advantage of all the resources provided so that they can clean up their act and get their children back. It was refreshing to hear the couple take full ownership of their actions that led to their child being placed in foster care. They shared their journey from anger and rage at the “system” and trying to blame everyone for their problems once their child was removed from their home to finally looking at themselves in the mirror and deciding the problem would not go away until they faced their demons and took advantage of all the resources they were being offered.

Pastors and Flying Plates!

This weekend, we met a pastor who spent time bragging talking about how many churches he has planted. He is currently planting a new church and was inviting us to the opening service. I am not sure why he feels led to plant churches in an area where there is no shortage of churches and where only 6% of the population actually attends church regularly! There is no problem yet of churches that are full to capacity—most have more than enough room to quadruple their attendance without the need to expand or start another church. Maybe we should be encouraging people to attend the existing Bible Believing churches? But I digress--that is another matter altogether. I guess if I had not had the following conversation with him, I would have been more charitable. The pastor asked my husband and me how many children we had and I told him one and shared that we were being led by God to adopt. His unsolicited advice: adoption is a wonderful thing, but we should first have at least three biological children and then consider adopting another one! What!!!!!! My husband was inwardly cracking up waiting to see what his formerly introverted wife who is a newly minted fierce activist would say. I was quickly praying for grace and an appropriate response while at the same time wondering at the velocity of a paper plate full of food that I was holding if I "accidentally" dropped it and if I was in the path of danger! Thankfully God is full of grace and someone interrupted our conversation and took the pastor away from imminent danger! Needless to say, if I had been looking for a new church home, his new church would not be the choice for our adopted child/ren! It is obvious that he believes bio children have more worth or value than adopted children.