Noooooo!

Head reeling, heart pounding, feeling faint, and sick to my stomach! Describes just a little of how I feel tonight. As of this morning, we were all gearing up for the twins' October adoption finalization. As of this afternoon, we got totally broadsided when I called my social worker on an unrelated matter. Oh so matter of factly she told me that she had some news - bio mom filed an appeal and it could take a year to get a hearing! The appeal was filed two months ago, but somehow they forgot to mention this to us! I was trying to hold myself together during the phone call and all I could think about was that I needed to get off to phone fast so that I could run to the bathroom and throw up.

This was the adoption that was 99% risk free (and 99% simply because the social worker could not say 100%, but she repeatedly reassured us that it was the most risk free adoption she had dealt with). Tonight I hold my babies tighter and love on them like crazy while trying not to cry. The social worker assured me that bio mom can only appeal the process, but not the decision to terminate parental rights. Somehow, I am not reassured - how could anyone have missed that important piece of info i.e. that there was an appeal filed and that we needed to know. Hopefully tomorrow, my mind will have cleared a bit, I will not be so overcome with fear, and I will be feeling less sick. Tonight though, I am broken, silently screaming and clinging to my Lord.