Home Buying Secrets in a Tight Market!

 

 

After  6 months of trying to make offers for a home in our town that would either allow us to  either expand our family or provide respite care for families  in crisis, we finally figured we would need to look further afield. Our town's population only grew 0.2% from 2000 to 2010 which means there are just simply no homes for sale. The very few that came up for sale in our target size were snapped up within a couple of days on the market with  multiple offers and tens of thousands of dollars above asking price. Even after going way over our initial price range, we still could not find anything. Kind of like the market we found ourselves in when we bought our first home in 2004!

So what does one do in such a market? You take  the kids along to a town further away from your hometown to see some open houses and have your little 4-year old Ms. Social Butterfly walk up to the listing agents showing the houses, hug them, chat them  up and totally make an impression! It helps that little Ms. Social Butterfly has impeccable manners and remembers to thank the listing agents for the free cookies and for showing her her new house! When your realtor calls the listing agent to make an offer - they clearly remember the family with the 4 kids and even though there are multiple offers with most above our offer price, the listing agent is so taken with our little Ms. Social Butterfly that she becomes our advocate to the seller and he accepts an offer that is not necessarily in his best financial interest! He does end up meeting our little Ms. Social Butterfly, and he is glad that he was able to sell her her new home!

We are now enjoying living in a city voted one of the "Most Playful Cities in America" and getting used to all things big! The population here grew by over 200%  from 2000 to 2010 and we are getting used to a new town  that is defining itself as opposed to our old town that was steeped in history and deeply proud of its old roots. I have gone from a 5-minute commute with  the privilege of having lunch with my kids during the work-week to a nearly hour-long commute on bad days (and there are many). However, hearing the kids shriek with laughter in the larger backyard when I get home and their excitement when telling me about the new park they discovered makes it all worthwhile! The new town is very pedestrian and biker friendly and the kids have sure made use of this fact! Little Ms.  Social Butterfly has made it her mission that we shall know all our neighbors - she fearlessly walks up to anyone she sees out walking and introduces herself  and asks them their name!  If some one has ear phones on - watch out, because she does not let this stop her - she will get in your line  of vision and make sure  you make eye contact! She will never be a flower on the wall! She makes her presence felt - think goodness she is so nice and sweet!

Merry Christmas!

Most Americans would  have thought our kids were deprived on Christmas - total gifts for the whole household plus 1 visiting child. But try asking anyone in our household the real reason for the season!

We had a wonderful Christmas season - lots of nights going to see Christmas lights, hot chocolate on colds evenings, a couple of Christmas plays, Christmas parties and the kids participating in their first Christmas play! We hosted Christmas this year and we had both sides of the family over along with friends for a grand total of 61 guests through out Christmas Day! Somehow, I survived it, totally enjoyed the day before collapsing and putting up my feet at midnight when the last guests left! The kids had a wonderful time, really got into all the traditions, and totally appreciated the meaning of the season. I was so proud of big brother who could not come up with even one gift idea - he told everyone who asked that he really had everything he needed! Those were proud parenting moments! His main concern was to ensure that an orphan he helps sponsor had enough food for Christams. It is my deepest desire to teach my kids to appreciate all their blessings and not yearn for the newest toy. Mommy started a new tradition where they only open a couple gifts on Christmas Day and then I stagger giving them the other gifts - that way they really appreciate the gift and know exactly who gave them each gift. The kids have  been so precious and are really treasuring their presents.

Gifts for 17 kids almost buried  the Chrtistmas Tree!

Who is Watching you at the Election Booth Tomorrow?

I admit I am a political junkie - I am the nerd who reads the complete voter guide, reads arguments for and against all propositions I am being asked to vote for, researches people/organizations behind the propositions and keep a mental record of campaign promises made and campaign promises broken. I like to think that I am pretty deliberate and take my privilidge to vote very seriously. All that aside, for me the election tomorrow and all other past and future elections are more than a hobby, but a reminder, that I will stand before a Holy God and give an account of every single action I take - and I tremble at the thought! One of my favorite bloggers, a true woman of substance and a passionate lover of Christ and defender of those without a voice articulated my thoughts so much better than I could ever have articulated them regarding what the election tomorrow means.

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2012/11/thoughts-from-my-heart.html

The Bi-Annual Update!

How the time flies! I can't believe fall is almost here! Last time I was in these woods, it was still Winter!So, what have we been up to? Celebrating birthdays, mother's day and father's day and enjoying our Summer break. Though we did not take our annual camping trip, dad extra ordinaire more than made up for it by taking the kids to the exploratorium, the space center, the aquarium, the zoo and countless trips to the train station to look at trains - and even a time or two of riding the train! Sometimes, I take for granted just how good of a dad he is, until the  kids tell me how many people stopped him to commend him for taking 4 young kids on his own to the various activities.

Mother's Day breakfast - courtesy of two lovely boys who were too anxious to wait for daddy to wake up! Menu: turkey sandwich, day-old re-warmed chicken and apple juice!

 I cannot believe I now have an 8-year old! I am totally enjoying all the ages my kids are in. I can have long conversations with my oldest as he continues to ask deep questions about all things science and God. The twins have come a long way in speech acquisition and they can tell me all about their day, stories they "read" and they are always making plans for family fun days. My funny chatterbox baby girl blows everyone away at how well she speaks at three years old. She wakes up talking and goes to bed talking! The kids plan sweet surprises for mommy's and daddy's birthdays and for mother's day and father's day and really work hard to make sure we have super special days!

piano recital

Super star big brother: loves third grade, his teacher and friends and still loves, loves math. One of his most exciting days this Summer was a trip to Barnes and Nobles to buy a third grade math workbook - you would have thought he was getting the newest coolest toy! He voluntarily spent all summer working on the workbook so that in his words, he could be prepared for third grade! He is a teacher's dream student - obedient, wants to please the teacher, careful in his work and very kind to his peers. He is always called upon to help new students in his class to acclimate to the new school and he still has his special group of friends from kindergarten! He still enjoys wrestling with the kids and nearly gives his mommy a heart attack as he thinks up new games to play with them - like getting the kids to slid down the stairs on a blanket. He is so very compassionate and the plight of the orphan is dear to his heart. He has started recycling bottles and cans so that he can use the money to help orphans. He took three big bags to the recycling center and was so proud of his $8 payday! He is always asking how much food the $8 can buy and is anxious to take the other bags he is filling up for recycling. I am praying I will be able to take him on a mission trip next year. He still enjoying soccer, karate and  piano and did really well during his last recital.

Baby boy: the happiest kid on earth - he is such a goofball and is always laughing, dancing and being all around silly. He loves, loves preschool and he is finally at par with his peers in speech. He still gets Occupational Therapy for his gross motor skills, though he will soon be graduating from OT. He loved swimming this summer, but he surprised me at how cautious he was if his swim teacher was not around. I thought he would be my little fish, but he would not swim without his life jacket if he was not having a swim lesson. I guess he did not trust mommy's life guarding skills!  He finally started soccer and boy, does he love it! On his first day (after a month wait since he got his uniform), he woke up at 6:00 A.M, dressed himself up right down to his shin guards and cleats and by 6:30 when I came downstairs, he was trying to get himself breakfast! He played with such gusto and all he talked about was how he won! Never mind that at 4 years old, they don't really have teams and don't keep score! His labile asthma seems have gone away and he now seems to have just the garden variety asthma. I love his pulmonologist who takes an aggressive approach in treating his asthma and really takes the time to educate parents and includes them when coming up with a treatment plan. I am so thankful for health insurance! His monthly asthma medication costs almost as much as the whole family's health insurance premium!

Baby girl: my most compliant child and just so delightful. She loves dance, music, gymnastics and is such a wonderful little helper. I am trying to include her in some simple kitchen duties - something she totally enjoys and is so proud to be mommy's helper. She loves going shopping with mommy, has a wonderful flair for fashion, is such a girly girl and loves all things dress up! She is sweet, funny, compassionate and is always the first to volunteer to help! She loves preschool and is tickled pink that she now has homework! I find the school experience for girls and boys to be so different! Girls seem to be so catty and into their little hierachies at such a young age! My mommy heart breaks when my sweet beautiful baby girl tells me about some of the mean things the other little preschool girls say. Right now, she misses some of those social cues and so it does not really faze her, but as she grows older, things will be more difficult. I fervently pray that God will lead her to sweet friends and protect her little heart. Mommy just fought an epic 8-month battle with the school district trying to get her speech therapy. We now see light at the end of the tunnel, but I hate that school budget cuts and apathetic personnel makes getting services so difficult. My heart goes out to those kids who need services, but whose parents don't know where to begin in a huge bureaucracy to advocate for their kids or who are not even aware of the services provided. This really lit the fire for me to take the steps to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate to help be the voice for children without a voice or anyone to advocate for them.

Mommy's baby: oh baby girl, baby girl: she sure keeps us on our toes! She is so, so smart, that it sometimes gets her into trouble! She taught herself the alphabet, colors, shapes and numbers by age 2 with a little game she was playing and continues to astound us at how she is such a sponge for knowledge. She has an amazing memory and we have lost count of how many words she can say - her grammar and sentence construction are so beyond her years, we have to remind ourselves she is only three. Sheis  half princess, half tomboy and waltzes down the stairs in the morning announcing the princess is at your service. She ushers in visitors by welcoming them to her castle and then does a couple of cartwheels! She is funny, sassy, kind, loving, compassionate, has a beautiful smile, bosses her older siblings and has made mommy and daddy dust off their books on raising a strong willed child! She came from being the world's easiest baby and toddler and a month before her 3rd birthday, she decided being an easy child was over-rated! She does not do anything in small measures, so the challenges were interesting to say the least! We like to kid ourselves that it was our consistency and a unified front that have made her turn the corner, but as she does all things, I really think she just as suddenly decided that testing her parents was not all that it was cracked up to be! We are now in a sweet, sweet, sweet period where she is back to her delightful self, but she reminds us that parenting never gets easier - only the challenges change!

Children are a Blessing from God.

The other night, I met a dad who was grocery shopping with his 6 young children (who looked to be 7 and under) and I felt such a sense of kinship! Normally, when I am out with all the kids, I have lost count of the times strangers stop me to tell me how full my hands are! His kids were so delightful and well behaved and I made sure to acknowledge him as a person and not simply as a parent who had his hands full! During our brief conversation at the checkout stand, he made sure to mention what a blessing children are (and I heartily agreed) and that though his family buys a lot of groceries, God has been good and all their needs are always met. I wanted to shout hallelujah in agreement, but I think I would have scared the clerk! I think navel gazing is so ingrained in the American psyche, we lost sight of the blessings in front of us. Today's parents are the byproduct of the self-esteem focused parenting model where children were raised to think the world revolved around them. Then, when they grew up and became parents and all the sacrifices that entails, that must have been a shock to their systems! No wonder it is so rare to hear parents sharing the joys of parenting, but it is so commonplace to hear parents complaining how hard and tiring parenting is! Our parents had more kids and fewer gadgets to make their lives easier but they seldom wasted precious time lamenting how hard their lives were. To them, we were blessings and they simply got in the trenches and mothered us joyfully.

Messianic Worship!

A couple of weekends ago, the family had the opportunity to attend a Messianic Jewish Conference in Southern California. This was a 3-day family event with break-out sessions for classes during the day and 3-4 hour long worship sessions in the evening. To say the conference was amazing is an understatement! Every time I meet someone who has been to an African worship service, they always comment on how lively "African" worship is. I guess they have never been to a Messianic Jewish service! The 4 hours seem so short and leave one yearning for more! Not exactly like my last 4 hour church service in Kenya where almost everyone was comatose from boredom! One of the classes during the day was Jewish dance and those who took the classes would dance during the worship service in the evening. The dancing, tambourines and waving flags all made for an amazing worship service. That, and the fact that the scriptures really come alive to a Messianic Jew who praised God from the deepest recesses of their soul that the Messiah already came and as they sing with real heartfelt cries to God petitioning Him to open the eyes of their loved ones to this truth.

Conversion to christianity usually means alienation from Jewish family and friends who view you as joining the enemy - some families mourn as though you have died. Teen converts usually get sent to see a shrink and it causes their families great grief. The Church has a long and tragic history of persecuting Jews in the name of Christ almost leading to their anihiliation - save for God's promises and prophecies in the old testament that must still be fullfilled. So for a Jew to learn that a loved one has joined the "christians" is almost like a slap in their face. The current Replacement Theology prevalent in many church denominations results from this history as open anti-semitism in the church is no longer politically correct.

They had a wonderful kids program which allowed the grown ups to soak in all the teaching and both adults and kids learned a few more Hebrew words! Big brother asked if we could return to the hotel where the conference was as they had so many kids activities! He assumed the hotel had set up all the kids games and bible lessons! Next time someone wants to experience amazing worship from the depth of one's heart, they need not travel to Africa - check out your nearest Messianic Jewish congregation!

Somber Reflections

On of my New Year's resolutions was to be more "present" with the kids and infuse more fun into our daily lives. I am so sad about those opportunities I have missed to fully connect with the blessings the Lord has entrusted me with when I am tired after a long day at work and I simply go through the motions during our evening routine. I am not sure how many times I have skipped pages of a book a child has requested I read, because this is my 7th book I am reading that evening or a requst for just one more kiss or to be a tickle monster and all I can think about are the dishes waiting in the sink, a kitchen to be cleaned and all that is involved in managing a household with four little ones. Or the times I have declined an offer from the kids to join them in dance or song, or paint or simply be silly. I spend way too much time in correcting and training and not enough time capturing the hearts of my kids and creating memories that can only happen if I am fully present. I really don't want to simply be the mom that trained up my kids in righteousness, but who never seized every request to engage in their play world. Because, lets face it, though I like a clean and neat house, the things that make the best memories are those moments we stop and let a child know they matter and we really care about them - even the hundredth pretend tea party, the story with a million "and then" that never seem to end and watching the same cartoon a hundred times and remembering to laugh at all the silly jokes!

All the things that seem important on my to do list appear silly when you read of a mom with empty hands after loving her child with lavish abandon for 2 years and 8 months and never, ever leaving his side. A mother who counts it all joy without a murmur of complaint every second God granted her with her precious child, even if it meant quitting her job, loosing her marriage and being housebound with her child who could not leave the house for the 2 years and 8 months of his life. Through every trial and tribulation, she counted it an honor and a privilege to minister her child. Baby Tripp's life and his mother's courage, love and sacrifice have spoken so deeply to my heart - to create magic in the mundane, re prioritize those things without lasting significance and more purposefully show my kids in word and action my all consuming love for them.

Tough Re-Entry!

We have been back for a week and I just cannot seem to shake the jet lag - which is funny since I normally never suffer from jet lag and I was totally fine in Kenya! As soon as I sit down, I am out! On my second day back, someone came by to visit, and I could not summon the energy to keep my eyes open! Not my most hospitable time! Three weeks without having to worry about housework, cooking or work and then having to jump into all that almost immediately must have gotten to me!

The kids totally enjoyed their visit and keep asking when they are going back to Kenya! They were totally spoilt - a smile bought them everything mommy and daddy said no to! Kids who had never had soda or gum before were having them everyday! Re-entry for them has been interesting - no longer can they  leave the house unsupervised because there were so many people to look out for them and shock of all shock, they have to walk everywhere because they are not countless people offering piggyback rides!

I missed the point of vacation which is rest, and tried to give the kids as rich an experience as I could and scheduled activities for everyday! We racked up some miles with visits to places like Giraffe Center, Ostrich Farm, Village Market, Mamba Village, a Coffee Plantation, Lake Nakuru, Masinga Dam, Ndakaini Dam, and of course the highlight, a Safari! The kids were totally amazed at all of God's creation and it was so cute each making claim to their own animal! The lions gave us amazing shows and would come real close to the tour vans. We could not have asked to stay at a better tented camp than Ashnil Mara - the customer service was amazing and they were not fazed at having a large group of 42 and all the different requests a large group makes! The manager was the ultimate professional and consistently came to ask me if there was anything else they could do for us! He even arranged for an amazing hot lunch by the river with the hippos after our tour drivers dropped the ball and forgot to order our packed lunch for one of our game drive days. And best of all, the waiters knew all my kids by name, would give them piggy back rides and would always anticipate their needs and as soon as I went to the buffett to serve one of the kids, I would come back to the table and find they have already served the other munkins! They took me to the poor house as in all my previous 6 trips to Mara, this was by far the best customer service I had ever received and I wanted the waiters to know as much! Sarova Lion Hill in Lake Nakuru, a total anticlimax in terms of customer service after Ashnil, but their food was great!

Christmas was so simple this year - church service and then lots of food with family and friends. Nothing like having over a hundred people for Christmas lunch - the fellowship and laughter was so amazing. And not having to worry about getting the right gift and the right wrapping and all the other worries of a commercialized Christmas!

Trying to live out James 1:27 to support widows ~ we went unannounced and the surprise on this precious widow's face was priceless. And most humbling of all was that she with almost nothing scrambled to make us a meal even as we insisted that she not bother herself. She delighted in serving us her best - even though she had nothing to spare.

New Year's Eve was so unevenful - fast asleep in a hotel and could not even muster the energy to go watch fireworks in London which were supposed to be amazing.

I must have looked haggard on our return as a kind police officer approached my girls who were skipping and giggling to tell them mommy had had a long flight and to be good to mommy as she got the luggage! He then helped me hold their hands and go look for the daddy and the boys who were just anxious to go home and had walked ahead of us!

December revolved around food, family and friends and I am now back to training for my first 5K run - my new girth requires it! Nairobi has lots of eating options and we especially enjoyed dinner at tthe Tribe Hotel. My vegetarian niece even found a place that rocked her boat - and finally cleaned up her plate after a delicious veggie burger at Holiday Inn. She had been surrounded by meat lovers and she had been barely eating for two weeks. We also enjoyed a knock off Starbucks at Java House and the kids again charmed the waiters and we got excellent customer service.  It is always interesting to me the regional adaptation of foods - who would ever have thought of finding french fries in an Indian restaurant?  But that was in keeping with Kenyan's love for french fries. Kinda like my chinese friend who needed to come to America to learn numerous "chinese" dishes she had never heard of in China!

Gonna Have a Green Christmas - Kenya here we come!

We are trading foggy weather in the mid 50's for rainy weather in the low 70's and a Santa less Christmas! Trying to get a family of 6 (and with 3 little ones) means frequent trips to the store despite having packed 3 weeks ago! I think the extra time just allowed me to think of one more thing that seemed a "necessity"! Nothing like having an allowance of 12 pieces of checked luggage to convince one that you must pack a box of cheerios because that is baby boy's favorite cereal and we may not be able to find some in Nairobi!

I don't know if I am not really worried about being in transit for 24 hours with the little ones because I am learning not to borrow tomorrow's troubles or because the kids are pretty good listeners. However, as usually happens, well behaved kids always pick those times when they have an audience to act up - and they will have a captive audience of a couple hundred travellers in a confined space! A friend who recently travelled from Austria with a 2 year old and a 3 year old advised me to have very low expectations and hope to be pleasantly surprised! I also have prayer warriors on high alert! Our plan was to travel on the same date with my sister and her family for extra help, but our schedules did not allow for this.

I am so excited to see the little ones' sense of wonder as they go on their first safari and big brother playing the guide with one safari under his belt. I am also excited to spend a Christmas without the distraction of so much commercialization and to be able to fully contemplate the reason for the season! I told the kids Santa does not visit Kenya and it did not even faze them one bit! I think sometimes we project on our kids what we think they want, but they are totally okay with no gifts and just spending the day eating and playing! The kids are totally excited and telling everyone they meet they are going to Kenya. I wonder what they will be thinking after 11 hours in a plane on the first leg with another 8 hours to go for the second leg after a 10 hour layover

No Parenting Awards for Me Today!

Yesterday was a parenting failure day. Big Brother normally gets to borrow books from the school library on Fridays. He started looking for his library books yesterday morning before school and he was getting upset thinking he had lost them. I did not remember seeing new library books this week and since they had a field trip last Friday, I assumed they had not borrowed any last week. Instead of taking the time to really listen to big brother who was trying to tell me they went to the library on Thursday because of the field trip, I simply decided I did not have time to deal with the tears and worry. I was more stern and impatient than I should have been and left him even more upset – nobody likes not to be “heard”. From my actions, it was obvious that my priority was to get to work a little earlier than to spend an extra five minutes being kind and empathetic. And for that, I let Big brother start his school day sad and I spent the rest of my day feeling like a failure and disappointed at myself. And also feeling like a total fraud because just that Sunday during lunch out, several people came up  to us telling us how impressed they were at how well behaved all the kids were and what a good parenting job we were doing!

The fact that big brother was right – I found the missing books later in the day – only served to make me feel worse. However, I used this as an opportunity to apologize to Big Brother and let him know that mommy sometimes messes up. Hopefully, seeing a person he thinks the world of humble themselves enough to admit they were wrong and apologize planted a seed in his heart. And precious boy that he is - his forgiveness was immediate and unconditional. I think of how many times the Holy Spirit convicts me and instead of humbling myself and asking for God’s forgiveness, I dig in and make all sorts of excuses and justifications. Hopefully, this is a lesson for me to be quick to take correction from the Holy Spirit so that I can delight in the freedom found in God’s forgiveness.

Evil + Silence = Murder of a Child

Police Report

A picture of a starving orphan in Ethiopia will soften any heart and open up wallets during adoption fundraising efforts. But people meeting a starving former orphan who has spent a couple years in a middle class adoptive home in America somehow does not seem to soften the same heartstrings. At least not enough to make an anonymous call to Child Protective Services. If only one of the people who are now giving the police statements on the abuse Hana Grace-Rose and Immanuel Williams suffered had done so before Hana was murdered. And that a group of mothers would sit together with the murderer in the same knitting club and listen to her openly discuss her dislike for Hana and how horrible the adoptive children were , how she regretted ever adopting them and how Hana was made to stay outside amongst other atrocities. Not a single one of these mothers made a call to CPS. After the fact, none seemed too surprised and questioned themselves about the mom’s involvement in Hana’s death. Where were they when Hana was alive? Why didn't they speak up when they knew what was going on. Evil does not happen in a vacuum; mostly it is because good people remain silent.

Have we discussed ad nauseum the difficulties of raising older adopted children and painted ourselves as martyrs to be pitied that we get a pass when publicly mistreating our adoptive children? Has the pendulum swung so far that we have lost basic notions of love and kindness or are those notions not reserved for children from tough places? Where is the outrage from adoptive parents? Where is uproar over the injustices these two children suffered? Instead of revulsion and outrage towards parents who would treat any child the way Hana and her brother were treated, there is a rush to look for excuses for the parents and for books and people to blame.

Where are the voices of waiting prospective adoptive parents who were berating the Ethiopian government for the slowdown in Ethiopian adoptions? The actions of an evil couple are going to most likely make it an even tougher sell that Ethiopian children should be entrusted to American adoptive parents. I think it would be good for the Ethiopian government to hear loud and clear that all adoptive parents do not hold the same worldview as this couple nor the other adoptive families who watched the abuse in silence.

The police report reads like a horror story. The doctor concluded that HGW died from a culmination of chronic starvation caused by a parent’s intentional food restriction, severe neglect, physical and emotional abuse and stunning endangerment. May this not be the endnote of Hana’s life. Hopefully when we see a child being treated worse than we would allow a dog to be treated, may we not be so quick to give the parents a pass simply because they are raising a child from a hard place. A child’s very life might depend on it.

A six month recap!

February – celebrate 3 kids birthdays and once again I am proud that I keep to my guns of no birthday parties or presents. Because Lord knows the kids have more than enough toys and it is an uphill battle to teach them gratitude when they have more toys than they know what to do with! This year we kept it very simple – a family dinner at a place of the kids’ choosing and cake and ice cream at home. After all you can eat pizza and a trip to MacDonalds, I think I am done with fast food for a while. But the kids are as happy as can be – the highlight of their day was blowing out candles! They did not stop talking about their birthdays for a month! Shhh… not letting them in on the fact that most American kids think it is their constitutional right to get tons of presents on their birthday!

March – celebrate daddy’s birthday and the daddy extraordinaire that he is, instead of a nice grown up dinner where he could eat good food while still hot, he opts to celebrate his special day at a place no one goes to for the food, but where it is noisy, filled with flashy lights, tons of kids and a big stuffed rat! The kids had a wonderful time and looking forward to daddy's birthday next year - we did get him a second dinner of his favorites! I am so thankful that the Lord chose him to be the father of our kids – he is a wonderful dad who loves playing with his kids no matter how tired he is and really enjoys spending time with them.

April – celebrate Easter and again skip the customary Easter baskets and instead focus on what Easter is really about! We did go Easter egg hunting and my little Ms. OCD took one look at the grass filled with thousands of easter eggs and got really upset that someone would make such a mess! She did do a good job cleaning up though! A new member joins our family – our sponsored girl in a Ugandan orphanage and we begin daily praying for her and praying that mommy and big brother might be able to take a mission trip to visit her next year.

May – a time to celebrate my role as a mom and oh what joy it is having a day where I don’t have to think about what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner or washing dishes! And as an extra bonus, I got a week’s worth of laundry folded! What bliss! Enjoyed a marvelous lunch at a Pakistani/Indian restaurant and homemade cards and flowers from the chief.

            
June – celebrate another birthday and I am now mommy to a 7 year old! Where did the time go? Another trip for pretend fair food at a mini amusement park (which said 7 year old still does not know is recommended for 0-5 year olds)! But the kids again had a great time and birthday boy’s special day also coincides with a whirlwind visit from overseas friends and family and he gets to go on a Duck Tour in the City and is serenaded by the captain. This also marks the college graduation of the world’s greatest babysitter and we are happy as clams at the homestead! Mommy and daddy are happy that the kids are once again in excellent hands (she was with us 2 summers ago) and it also does not hurt that she is an excellent cook! Not looking forward to when she leaves for grad school, but in the meantime, everyone is dusting off their musical instruments and making some noise (she majored in music)! We also had big brother’s piano recital and he looked oh so serious! Celebrate father’s day and once again enjoy Pakistani/Indian Cuisine – I think this might be a family tradition. We don’t have to contend with crowds, long wait times or having to remember to make reservations weeks ahead of time. Daddy also manages a couple of trips to Universal Studios - sans mom who nfortunately has to work and misses out all the fun! We are able to do a few excursions to the beach and the kids are fearless around water - I really need to sign them up for lessons. Big brother was in our local swim team last year, but a pool that is not heated + early morning swim practice = a shivering boy who was not too excited to return to the team this year.

July – enjoy out town's Fourth of July parade, lunch with friends and fireworks at the park! I also sort the kids’ clothes and toys and clean up the garage. After spending 14 hours doing this, I am glad that we are in the "no more toys" phase! Large families on both sides + 4 kids + birthdays + Easter + Christmas = a house and garage filled with toys! Looking at the possible thousands of dollars spent on toys that we were giving away (and which the kids rarely play with and sometimes forget they have) I wish this was an ideal world where the money spent on the presents would be given in the kids’name to either a family adopting or an orphanage. We tried suggesting that last year without much success - the kids are well loved and I think adults get so much joy giving presents to kids feel like the children might feel cheated  if they don’t get presents! We have so many educational toys which cost a pretty penny and if there were all they were cracked up to be, I should be raising 4 Einsteins! The kids are very simple in their wants - give them a ball, some bubbles, some play clothes and mommy's tupperware and they are entertained for hours.  It is amazing how creative in play they are with just a few cheap items. We also enjoy God’s amazing creation amidst the California's redwoods on our annual family camping trip. The kids once again do amazing and have not stopped talking and asking about camping! Hoping I can rustle up the energy to do a quick weekend camping trip about an hour away.

The Egyptian Crisis Through the Eyes of a 6 Year Old!

Big brother turned on the t.v. the other day to watch a cartoon and as luck would have it, the t.v was on a news channel and he inadvertently watched coverage of the demonstrations in Egypt. As he saw the "peaceful" demonstrators throwing stones at the police, he was so perturbed and exclaimed, "mommy, mommy, those bad guys are trying to kill God!"  Not sure I won any parenting awards, because I did not really explain the significant news story of the day that is even preempting coverage of congress woman Gifford's recovery and whose outcome is likely to change the world (though not likely in a positive way). I mean, after all these years of teaching big brother we always use our kind words even when we disagree, how do I tell him that tens of thousands of grown ups were using rocks and stones to make their point! And this was a reminder that I need to ramp up our religious education - never occurred to me that at 6 he did not know of the everlasting attribute of God! So, I took the easy route and only reassured him that God is everlasting and ignored the rock throwers!

Sidenote: Egypt is the country that makes me think I am losing my mind when I find myself in disagreements at the water cooler as I point out to seemingly knowledgable sounding co-workers that Egypt is in Africa. I get some pitying looks from some who will never even glance at a simple world map (even if it is to "prove" me wrong)! How the American educational system has failed us!

Political Correctness Run Amok - MLK Day

At four, big brother was finally let into the secret of different skin colors during an MLK celebration at his pre-school. I think that this is something that kids figure out in due time without our help and the irony was not lost on me that a celebration of Martin Luther King's life's work to teach that we are all created equal, Big Brother finally learnt that we are different. Now this is in a private pre-school so it was not as if there was some State mandate to teach this.

Fast forward two years later, and big brother's first grade class is treated to a movie presentation of Martin Luther King's assasination. Granted it is a cartoon, and maybe I am rather slow in feeding my six year old a diet of cartoon images of violence and death, but still I think it is a bit much. I think in our efforts to out do each other in how much we esteem diversity (never mind the fact that I live in a supposedly pretty liberal and diverse state, but where racial segratation is the norm in most neighborhoods) I think sometimes we forgo commonsense. I am having to fast track teaching my six year old about prejudice and hatred based on race because the public school system in its quest to be politically correct has introduced concepts that I think are a bit premature for six year olds. Kids can be pretty cruel on their own and in trying to find their place in the playground pecking order, I think sometimes in our politically correct world, we give them things to add to their arsenal. I am sure most four year olds leave alone six year olds do not intrinsically use race as a weapon in the pecking order wars, but I think adults introduce this concept, even when we think we are doing good. Not sure this is really what MLK fought for and died for.

Mental Retardation, Autism, PDD-NOS........

Just when I thought I had my mind wrapped around Baby Boy's autism diagnosis, I get thrown for a loop! We have been getting Baby Boy services based on his developmental pediatrician's provisional diagnosis of autism and the school district testing has all been geared towards getting an I.E.P in place to best address his needs based on an autism diagnosis. Today we had more testing with a psychologist from the Regional Center to determine if the Regional Center would continue providing services past age three. I may be totally reading it wrong, but it seemed like the psychologist came into the testing trying to discount Autism. The psychologist did not even know that we had been seing a developmental pediatrician (probably because she had not read his file - something she could have been doing during the 30 minutes we were waiting past our appointment as she chit-chatted with the receptionist).  She found the report after I pointed out it had been faxed months ago and she quickly skimmed through it before beginning the testing. The thing she immediately latched on was that the diagnosis was provisional - said that fact really helped her, but at the time I was not really sure why. The testing that had been scheduled for 3 - 4 hours only took 1 1/2 hours which included asking all the intake questions (that were already on his file) and also included the psychologist keeping up with her texting! Boy did she try to get baby boy to "pass" his test! She would get into his line of vision, loudly call his name and work totally hard to make eye contact! She also spent 20 minutes trying to get him to feed a doll. She does get an A+ for effort! When the test was completed, she told me he seemed to make good eye contact (any child would if you kept at it for almost an hour) and he had good pretend play skills! Wow, if someone repeatedly showed me and told me to do the same thing more than thirty times in a twenty minute time span, I am not sure that would qualify for good skills! She would ask qualifier questions to try to discount things that everyone has observed that fall on the autism spectrum. She then concluded the indications were more in line with mental retardation and the school district would best address his needs! Bottom line was she felt he would not qualify for Regional Center Services.

She could be a psychologist worth her title and a pretty efficient one at that that she takes less than 1/2 the time others in Baby Boy's team take to do the same testing, but the fact that she begun the testing already wanting to discount autism while others seem to be leaning in that direction and the fact that she contracts with the regional center and it would be in the Regional Center's best interests to get a diagnosis that they would not be obligated to pay for services makes me a little suspicious. That and the not comforting discovery while researching Mental Retardation that African American children are much more likely to get a mental retardation diagnosis while white children get an autism diagnosis when presenting with the same behaviors. Not sure if it is denial and I still want to hold on the the dream that baby boy could very well be an autistic savant sinces he occasionally dispays some flashes of brilliance. A mental retardation dx kinda puts a damper on that dream (never mind the probability of that actually being the case is practically nil - there are only about 25 known living autistic savants). But a mama can dream! Oy Vey!

How Old is Santa?

Question from Mr. Inquisitive aka Big Brother. And how do I answer this one? At 6 1/2, Big Brother is still writing notes to Santa. The other day, he wondered if hundreds of years ago, kids still got visits from Santa. Blind to where this would lead, I quickly answered yes. And then came the question -  how old does that make Santa?  Not sure I want to let Big Brother into the secret yet, what with it being so close to Christmas and currently fighting a battle to keep on top of all the sciences related questions Big Brother asks which constantly have me researching late into the night. The other day, Big Brother looked at me with wide eyes, surprised that mama did not have the answer to some abstract scientific question he had! I think my parents got a respite - I was in high school before I finally figured out my parents were not the reservoirs of all knowledge that I previously thought they were.

Though making this humanities leaning mama sweat trying to brush up on her science knowledge, Mr. Inquisitive is still so very sweet and for Christmas, only asked for two additions to his Thomas the Train collection - according to him, he did not want Santa to hurt his back by carrying too many presents! When I told him that Santa might not find the exact trains he wanted, he joyfully told me that Santa does not give up. Said Santa is like an artist - he would keep on trying until he finds the exact presents kids want! So Santa has his work cut out this year - they are no longer making the die-cast take along Thomas trains and finding the older ones is a treasure hunt.


Fortunately, I have some time before the twins start wanting to know the mysteries of the world! Right now, they think mommy and daddy make the sun rise and set! We had our second meeting I.E.P and they were true to form. What with three people giving them their undivided attention, trying to get them to play with all the cool toys and mommy being a bit distracted because she spent three hours answering hundreds of questions. They played, chatted and all around tried to impress their new friends. I am sure people in other offices could not believe there were only two kids in the room! The school psychologist later told me that I am a mom who gets it and praised how calm I was when re-directing the kids. Made me feel like a fraud, because that same morning, I would not have gotten any best mommy awards as I was trying to get three kids dressed and fed. They all seemed to be conspiring against me by choosing the morning when we had limited time to be the morning when they did not have appetites (not good if we were going to have a 3 hour appointment) and needed to put in a day's worth of play into an hour in the morning. Testing is good and bad - puts into focus concerns you usually ignore or become immune to,  and also cause unnecessary stress as you begin to wonder what some of the testing is pointing towards.  But, we will enjoy the Christmas season - the kids are fascinated with Christmas decorations and we have been driving around some nights to see some homes and the kids are in heaven seeing all the Christmas lights.

Not Exactly Oprah's Favorite Things, But......

I caught the tail end of Oprah today and saw the joy on the faces of the receipients of this year's Oprah's (and her sponsors') generosity. And boy did they get some good stuff. But, I am not sure the joy of a mommy getting warm fleece footed pajamas from daddy and the kiddos just because, along with some sappy love notes from said daddy and kiddos (written with the help of a guy who would never be accused of being a romantic) compares. Or the joy of a son declaring for all the world to know that I am the best mommy in the world! All because I took advantage of IHOP's kids eat free on Tuesday nights (and got a respite from cooking)! But shush, don't let big brother in on this. Big brother is sure easy to please! We used to take go out for lunch every Sunday after church, but it started getting a bit more tricky with three little ones who had missed their morning nap and who had not yet mastered the finer points of eating out while sleepy. So, it has been awhile since we had eaten out and from the way big brother was enjoying his Mac and Cheese, you would have thought he was eating at a fine French restaurant! Oh, the simple joys if only we just looked around and stopped looking for joy in stuff (and I have had my years of daydreaming about being the recipient of some of Oprah's favorite things). Tonight as I am taking a long overdue break from my daily routine and as I drink coffee in my fleece footed pajamas and watch daddy make a mess as he feeds the kids before he puts them to bed and we watch an episode of Outsourced,  I realize I have all my favorite things all under one roof!

This and That!

My, my, where did the summer go? Between Baby Boy's three hospitalizations (not a good idea for a resident doctor to let a patient go directly home from the ICU. Even daddy and the nurses did not think it was a good idea. Why? Because, the patient will be back the next day for his next hospitalization), five weddings with one out of state (hooray for all the wonderful brides who had organized childcare and activities for the kids during the weddings), baby girl 's debut as a flower girl where she took her role very seriously and was an absolute angel (with the expert guidance of her oldest brother, who at 6, thinks he is an old pro at this wedding thing. What with being  a ring bearer 4 times already under his belt), birthdays for Big Brother and mommy, Baby Girl and Baby Boy starting preschool and Big Brother starting first grade, having out of state and out of country guests for most of the summer, life has been a little busy in our neck of the woods!

Baby Boy is thriving in preschool (he had better, the good peeps of my state are investing over $40,000 a year for part-time preschool. And what does $40,000 buy him? A class with a 1: 1 teacher, student ratio - the teacher is actually an early intervention specialist, speech therapy 3 times a week, lots of field trips and physical and occupational therapy.  In the last two weeks, he has had an explosion of language and since he started preschool and using the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS), he is not frustrated at home at our inability to understand his babbling and gestures!  He has become his old joyful self, is able to communicate much better and does not whine all day long. He does give his teachers a run for their money - he is usually described as the adorable kid who is very, very busy!  His killer smile earns him lots of lap time with his teachers, and he refuses to follow most directions at school (though he has no problems following directions at home). He needs someone to redirect him most of the time he is in school.  I have tried giving some strategies to the school to ensure compliance, but what do I know - I am just the mommy, and they are the experts who have studied behavior modification!

Baby Girl's early intervention specialist also recommended a center setting for her since she is so social and would enjoy interacting with other kids. She goes to the same school as Baby Boy, but a different class. However, we are reconsidering our decision. She absolutely loves school and leaves the house skipping and dancing in the morning, but she has regressed in her language acquisition skills. She is a sponge and has an amazing ability to imitate the other children in her class (most have special needs). Though this will hopefully engender empathy, I really think we should pull her out and mainstream her next year.  Not sure the people of our wonderful state are getting a bang for their money in investing in her education at this point!  $40,000 a year for a child to socialize with other kids for 25 hours a week seems a little excessive when our state is almost declaring bankruptcy! She still loves dancing and singing and spends her time at school trying to fix her teachers' hair!  They describe her as absolutely delightful and after going to bed late one night, the school called very concerned because she was not her normal playful, talkative self.

At 2 1/2 years, the twins insist it would be in our best financial interest to buy stock in a diaper company. Both will happily sit on the potty for almost an hour, sing, talk and read books, but so far, no success. We have been working on this for months and after feeling maybe a bit smug in my abilities to potty train after it only took four days to fully potty train Big Brother at 23 months, I guess it is time for a dose of humility in this area. Baby Boy is pretty good at telling me he has a wet diaper,  I just cannot get him to tell me before the fact! Totally surprised that Baby Girl who is my OCD princess when it comes to cleanliness does not seem fazed by icky diapers!

Ah, next year. We begin the wonderful world of IEPs and have several meetings with the school district team which involves a child psychologist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, physcial therapist, special ed teacher, audiologist and nurse.  After the initial asssement, they decide if they need to add others to the team. My head is already spinning and I have only had one meeting of at least four. 

Baby Girl 2, that girl is something! At 1 1/2, she speaks up a storm, and not single words, thank you very much, but three or four word sentences! I have lost count of the words she can say. Not sure if this will last - her older sister also started language by skipping single words and saying complete sentences, but she now seems to have hit a wall and regressed in her language skills. Baby Girl 2 is one smart cookie, she bullies her older siblings with the biggest smile on her face, and instructs them when to sit on the potty throughout the day, reads to them and is actually initiating potty training on her own.  She is probably our most attached child, has always had a preference for mommy and daddy over anyone else and is now getting a strong case of separation anxiety. At home, she smiles and laughs all day long and does naughty things with a mischevious look daring you to come get her! And then, she runs off as fast as she can, laughing and saying she is sorry! Timeouts for her???? She spends them singing and dancing! I think she will be the kid who most keeps us on our toes!

Big Brother loves first grade though he never seems to remember what he learned in school because he says the day is soooooo long!  I can see his point - coming from 3 1/2 hours of school last year to 6 1/2 hours a day this school year  must be a shock to the systems of most 6 year olds!  He is still loving science, geography and math and can add complex numbers in his head.  He is fascinated by geography and maps and I have lost count of how many times I am googling things! He still loves astronomy, and of course his first love - trains! He saved up all his pennies and was able to go on a snow train ride a few months ago that he still talks about. A 6 hour trip ended up being 10 hours because the train broke down, but he was not complaining. He loved every second of it! He is now big brother alright, playing school and always making sure he is the teacher, bosses his younger siblings, but still very protective of the baby. She gets away with anything with him! She messes with his trains and he does not bat an eye - just smiles at her and fixes them. Not the same reaction for the twins! He is still enjoying soccer (last year he was super competitive and we tried instilling in him the value of putting in his best effort and having fun and not being obsessed with winning. He seemed to have taken the lesson too much to heart along with all his teammates! They have been creamed most of their games! We are now having to go back to the drawing board and teach him the basics of soccer - the intent is not to let every child have a chance at kicking the ball, nor is it kosher to just run around hoping the ball is kicked your way!  We are teaching him it is okay to get competitive every now and then, though he remindes us frequently it is not all about winning, but having fun.  Oh when kids start throwing your words back at you!  He is enjoying piano and is making his daddy proud by still taking Karate - after three years, I think he is ready to give it a break. But don't let his black belt dad know that!

Life-Saving Insomnia!

The first night home after three great days away camping (where the kids were just as super as last year), I went to bed leaving daddy-o getting frustrated because his insomnia was rearing its ugly head. About 4:30 a.m. he heard one of the kids and thought Baby Girl was awake and goofing around. His first thought was to ignore her, but then figured she would wake her sister up. Only it was not Baby Girl, but Baby Boy in the next room who thrashing around and gasping for breath. Daddy-o woke me up and even with my sleep interrupted (not my best time of day), I got some supernatural calm and had the presence of mind to start his breathing treatments and call for an ambulance. My sleep-induced foggy mind did not allow me to think it was something very serious but decided to play it safe instead of driving baby boy myself to the ER. Best decision ever - by 5:00 a.m., baby boy was at the local emergency room in severe respitory distress. Somehow, my rational mind was asleep, because I bought the now not very believable reason the paramedics gave for why the ambulance had sirens and lights on. I also did not see through a nurse's attempts to distract me by asking me the same questions over and over as ten medical professionals worked on my son who was a code blue upon arrival. Words like intubation somehow did not penetrate my mind! The adrenaline did not start kicking in until all the action was over, the doctors had thanked us for bringing a little excitement to a slow night and they had told me how serious my son’s presenting condition was.

Baby boy earned himself a transfer to the ICU at our local children’s hospital and once again, he was such a marvelous patient. Even with an IV sticking out of his neck (they did not have the luxury of time in the ER to get one on his arm), he still charmed all the doctors and nurses. He was Mr. Cool and insisted on always wearing (and even sleeping with) his sunglasses and daddy’s hat. He is such a good patient – very forgiving even when the nurses and doctors kept prodding him and interrupting his sleep. He spent a week lapping up all the attention of either mom or dad, his visitors and was a favorite of the nurses and doctors. His beautiful smile and goofy get up of a hospital gown, hat and sunglasses bought him countless pictures from one of the nurses! After a week at the hospital, I am so happy to be back home, so thankful to God for watching out for Baby Boy and allowing for daddy-o’s insomnia that night and so happy to actually be able to talk to, play with and kiss the other kiddos instead of seeing them in passing on the drive home as we traded places daily with daddy-o. My heart really goes out to parents with hospitalized children and I would really want to find a way to minister to a mom or dad – hopefully from the outside and not the inside!

Autism Speaks.

Baby Boy’s recent hospitalization had given me a break from worrying about our impending visit with the developmental pediatrician. But my days of blessed denial that things were just not right were short lived – though I have felt really at peace in the last two days about the possible diagnosis. I had refused to do any research on autism, choosing not to worry over things I could not change. About an hour and a half into the doctor's appointment, I had to remove my head from the sand – nothing like getting a Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers to force you to face reality! Baby Boy has regressed in some areas since our last testing in December, but he shows slight improvement in others. We now have a provisional diagnosis of autism and the doctor will also be doing some testing to rule out some genetic disorders. I had not let my mind go to what this might mean, but I finally broke down at the doctor’s office. The kind of doctor she is did not help my resolve to be strong -she is the most amazing doctor I have ever met – she is so caring, compassionate, kind and the best advocate any child could ever ask for. She even apologized because she was fifteen minutes late – which was not a big deal since we were seeing the nurse during the wait. She showed real empathy for what this means, and she was really struggling and hoping that the tests she was doing as well as the questionnaire were not pointing at what she was suspecting. This is the greatest practice I have ever seen, she was not fazed even one bit when she walked in and two tired and wired toddlers had gone to town with all the toys in her office, her nurse also kept Baby Girl company for two hours, playing with her and taking her for a walk and they both offered to help me get the kids to the car. The doctor also gave me her cell phone number to call with any questions, concerns or for help to get my son additional services. She did not try to paint an unreasonably rosy picture – she assured me it could be a very tough road (the spectrum is so wide and we don't know where Baby Boy falls) and doctors are still a very long way from understanding autism, let alone getting a cure.

Everything now makes sense – Baby Boy’s speech therapist, early intervention specialist, case manager as well as occupational therapist had all been asking if I had considered center-based care so that Baby Boy’s needs could be provided under one roof. I was a bit confused since he is getting all his services under one roof – the therapists do weekly home visits – but I think they all suspected autism, but no-one wanted to say the word! This is the new territory we will be exploring – the developmental pediatrician also made recommendations for some centers and advised that he needs daily one-on-one intensive therapies. I am heart-broken. This means separating the twins and for 20-25 hours a week, removing him from the one secure place he has known. I am also terrified that I will mess this mommy thing – my formerly very cuddly and compliant son is now really testing the boundaries, becoming extremely independent and more frustrated at our inability to understand him. I grew up in a family where children’s obedience was expected and nothing raises my blood pressure more than seeing disobedient and disrespectful children. I have been working hard to establish this same expectation for my kids. How do I strike the balance between not letting my great empathy for my son make me swing to the other extreme and become too permissive with him (and possibly turn him into a little monster) or have unreasonable expectations that he cannot meet because of what is going on neurologically? Today, I am broken and I will let my heart grieve. Tomorrow, I will raise my chin, put on my big girl pants and continue advocating for baby boy. Dear, darling boy, you have been dealt a lot, but mommy and daddy will go to the ends of the earth to try and help you overcome your obstacles. And even more importantly, your Heavenly Father can take the ashes of what seems to be a bleak picture and bring Glory to Himself. I cannot wait to see how He will use you. I love you so much Baby Boy, my heart could explode.