Our Adoption Adventure

Tough Re-Entry!

2012-01-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

We have been back for a week and I just cannot seem to shake the jet lag - which is funny since I normally never suffer from jet lag and I was totally fine in Kenya! As soon as I sit down, I am out! On my second day back, someone came by to visit, and I could not summon the energy to keep my eyes open! Not my most hospitable time! Three weeks without having to worry about housework, cooking or work and then having to jump into all that almost immediately must have gotten to me!

The kids totally enjoyed their visit and keep asking when they are going back to Kenya! They were totally spoilt - a smile bought them everything mommy and daddy said no to! Kids who had never had soda or gum before were having them everyday! Re-entry for them has been interesting - no longer can they leave the house unsupervised because there were so many people to look out for them and shock of all shock, they have to walk everywhere because they are not countless people offering piggyback rides!

I missed the point of vacation which is rest, and tried to give the kids as rich an experience as I could and scheduled activities for everyday! We racked up some miles with visits to places like Giraffe Center, Ostrich Farm, Village Market, Mamba Village, a Coffee Plantation, Lake Nakuru, Masinga Dam, Ndakaini Dam, and of course the highlight, a Safari! The kids were totally amazed at all of God's creation and it was so cute each making claim to their own animal! The lions gave us amazing shows and would come real close to the tour vans. We could not have asked to stay at a better tented camp than Ashnil Mara - the customer service was amazing and they were not fazed at having a large group of 42 and all the different requests a large group makes! The manager was the ultimate professional and consistently came to ask me if there was anything else they could do for us! He even arranged for an amazing hot lunch by the river with the hippos after our tour drivers dropped the ball and forgot to order our packed lunch for one of our game drive days. And best of all, the waiters knew all my kids by name, would give them piggy back rides and would always anticipate their needs and as soon as I went to the buffett to serve one of the kids, I would come back to the table and find they have already served the other munkins! They took me to the poor house as in all my previous 6 trips to Mara, this was by far the best customer service I had ever received and I wanted the waiters to know as much! Sarova Lion Hill in Lake Nakuru, a total anticlimax in terms of customer service after Ashnil, but their food was great!

Christmas was so simple this year - church service and then lots of food with family and friends. Nothing like having over a hundred people for Christmas lunch - the fellowship and laughter was so amazing. And not having to worry about getting the right gift and the right wrapping and all the other worries of a commercialized Christmas!

Trying to live out James 1:27 to support widows ~ we went unannounced and the surprise on this precious widow's face was priceless. And most humbling of all was that she with almost nothing scrambled to make us a meal even as we insisted that she not bother herself. She delighted in serving us her best - even though she had nothing to spare.

New Year's Eve was so unevenful - fast asleep in a hotel and could not even muster the energy to go watch fireworks in London which were supposed to be amazing.

I must have looked haggard on our return as a kind police officer approached my girls who were skipping and giggling to tell them mommy had had a long flight and to be good to mommy as she got the luggage! He then helped me hold their hands and go look for the daddy and the boys who were just anxious to go home and had walked ahead of us!

December revolved around food, family and friends and I am now back to training for my first 5K run - my new girth requires it! Nairobi has lots of eating options and we especially enjoyed dinner at tthe Tribe Hotel. My vegetarian niece even found a place that rocked her boat - and finally cleaned up her plate after a delicious veggie burger at Holiday Inn. She had been surrounded by meat lovers and she had been barely eating for two weeks. We also enjoyed a knock off Starbucks at Java House and the kids again charmed the waiters and we got excellent customer service. It is always interesting to me the regional adaptation of foods - who would ever have thought of finding french fries in an Indian restaurant? But that was in keeping with Kenyan's love for french fries. Kinda like my chinese friend who needed to come to America to learn numerous "chinese" dishes she had never heard of in China!

Gonna Have a Green Christmas - Kenya here we come!

2011-12-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

We are trading foggy weather in the mid 50's for rainy weather in the low 70's and a Santa less Christmas! Trying to get a family of 6 (and with 3 little ones) means frequent trips to the store despite having packed 3 weeks ago! I think the extra time just allowed me to think of one more thing that seemed a "necessity"! Nothing like having an allowance of 12 pieces of checked luggage to convince one that you must pack a box of cheerios because that is baby boy's favorite cereal and we may not be able to find some in Nairobi!

I don't know if I am not really worried about being in transit for 24 hours with the little ones because I am learning not to borrow tomorrow's troubles or because the kids are pretty good listeners. However, as usually happens, well behaved kids always pick those times when they have an audience to act up - and they will have a captive audience of a couple hundred travellers in a confined space! A friend who recently travelled from Austria with a 2 year old and a 3 year old advised me to have very low expectations and hope to be pleasantly surprised! I also have prayer warriors on high alert! Our plan was to travel on the same date with my sister and her family for extra help, but our schedules did not allow for this.

I am so excited to see the little ones' sense of wonder as they go on their first safari and big brother playing the guide with one safari under his belt. I am also excited to spend a Christmas without the distraction of so much commercialization and to be able to fully contemplate the reason for the season! I told the kids Santa does not visit Kenya and it did not even faze them one bit! I think sometimes we project on our kids what we think they want, but they are totally okay with no gifts and just spending the day eating and playing! The kids are totally excited and telling everyone they meet they are going to Kenya. I wonder what they will be thinking after 11 hours in a plane on the first leg with another 8 hours to go for the second leg after a 10 hour layover

No Parenting Awards for Me Today!

2011-12-02T18:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a parenting failure day. Big Brother normally gets to borrow books from the school library on Fridays. He started looking for his library books yesterday morning before school and he was getting upset thinking he had lost them. I did not remember seeing new library books this week and since they had a field trip last Friday, I assumed they had not borrowed any last week. Instead of taking the time to really listen to big brother who was trying to tell me they went to the library on Thursday because of the field trip, I simply decided I did not have time to deal with the tears and worry. I was more stern and impatient than I should have been and left him even more upset – nobody likes not to be “heard”. From my actions, it was obvious that my priority was to get to work a little earlier than to spend an extra five minutes being kind and empathetic. And for that, I let Big brother start his school day sad and I spent the rest of my day feeling like a failure and disappointed at myself. And also feeling like a total fraud because just that Sunday during lunch out, several people came up to us telling us how impressed they were at how well behaved all the kids were and what a good parenting job we were doing!

The fact that big brother was right – I found the missing books later in the day – only served to make me feel worse. However, I used this as an opportunity to apologize to Big Brother and let him know that mommy sometimes messes up. Hopefully, seeing a person he thinks the world of humble themselves enough to admit they were wrong and apologize planted a seed in his heart. And precious boy that he is - his forgiveness was immediate and unconditional. I think of how many times the Holy Spirit convicts me and instead of humbling myself and asking for God’s forgiveness, I dig in and make all sorts of excuses and justifications. Hopefully, this is a lesson for me to be quick to take correction from the Holy Spirit so that I can delight in the freedom found in God’s forgiveness.

Evil + Silence = Murder of a Child

2011-10-07T17:22:00.000-07:00

Police Report

A picture of a starving orphan in Ethiopia will soften any heart and open up wallets during adoption fundraising efforts. But people meeting a starving former orphan who has spent a couple years in a middle class adoptive home in America somehow does not seem to soften the same heartstrings. At least not enough to make an anonymous call to Child Protective Services. If only one of the people who are now giving the police statements on the abuse Hana Grace-Rose and Immanuel Williams suffered had done so before Hana was murdered. And that a group of mothers would sit together with the murderer in the same knitting club and listen to her openly discuss her dislike for Hana and how horrible the adoptive children were , how she regretted ever adopting them and how Hana was made to stay outside amongst other atrocities. Not a single one of these mothers made a call to CPS. After the fact, none seemed too surprised and questioned themselves about the mom’s involvement in Hana’s death. Where were they when Hana was alive? Why didn't they speak up when they knew what was going on. Evil does not happen in a vacuum; mostly it is because good people remain silent.

Have we discussed ad nauseum the difficulties of raising older adopted children and painted ourselves as martyrs to be pitied that we get a pass when publicly mistreating our adoptive children? Has the pendulum swung so far that we have lost basic notions of love and kindness or are those notions not reserved for children from tough places? Where is the outrage from adoptive parents? Where is uproar over the injustices these two children suffered? Instead of revulsion and outrage towards parents who would treat any child the way Hana and her brother were treated, there is a rush to look for excuses for the parents and for books and people to blame.

Where are the voices of waiting prospective adoptive parents who were berating the Ethiopian government for the slowdown in Ethiopian adoptions? The actions of an evil couple are going to most likely make it an even tougher sell that Ethiopian children should be entrusted to American adoptive parents. I think it would be good for the Ethiopian government to hear loud and clear that all adoptive parents do not hold the same worldview as this couple nor the other adoptive families who watched the abuse in silence.

The police report reads like a horror story. The doctor concluded that HGW died from a culmination of chronic starvation caused by a parent’s intentional food restriction, severe neglect, physical and emotional abuse and stunning endangerment. May this not be the endnote of Hana’s life. Hopefully when we see a child being treated worse than we would allow a dog to be treated, may we not be so quick to give the parents a pass simply because they are raising a child from a hard place. A child’s very life might depend on it.

A six month recap!

2011-09-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

February – celebrate 3 kids birthdays and once again I am proud that I keep to my guns of no birthday parties or presents. Because Lord knows the kids have more than enough toys and it is an uphill battle to teach them gratitude when they have more toys than they know what to do with! This year we kept it very simple – a family dinner at a place of the kids’ choosing and cake and ice cream at home. After all you can eat pizza and a trip to MacDonalds, I think I am done with fast food for a while. But the kids are as happy as can be – the highlight of their day was blowing out candles! They did not stop talking about their birthdays for a month! Shhh… not letting them in on the fact that most American kids think it is their constitutional right to get tons of presents on their birthday!

March – celebrate daddy’s birthday and the daddy extraordinaire that he is, instead of a nice grown up dinner where he could eat good food while still hot, he opts to celebrate his special day at a place no one goes to for the food, but where it is noisy, filled with flashy lights, tons of kids and a big stuffed rat! The kids had a wonderful time and looking forward to daddy's birthday next year - we did get him a second dinner of his favorites! I am so thankful that the Lord chose him to be the father of our kids – he is a wonderful dad who loves playing with his kids no matter how tired he is and really enjoys spending time with them.

April – celebrate Easter and again skip the customary Easter baskets and instead focus on what Easter is really about! We did go Easter egg hunting and my little Ms. OCD took one look at the grass filled with thousands of easter eggs and got really upset that someone would make such a mess! She did do a good job cleaning up though! A new member joins our family – our sponsored girl in a Ugandan orphanage and we begin daily praying for her and praying that mommy and big brother might be able to take a mission trip to visit her next year.

May – a time to celebrate my role as a mom and oh what joy it is having a day where I don’t have to think about what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner or washing dishes! And as an extra bonus, I got a week’s worth of laundry folded! What bliss! Enjoyed a marvelous lunch at a Pakistani/Indian restaurant and homemade cards and flowers from the chief.

June – celebrate another birthday and I am now mommy to a 7 year old! Where did the time go? Another trip for pretend fair food at a mini amusement park (which said 7 year old still does not know is recommended for 0-5 year olds)! But the kids again had a great time and birthday boy’s special day also coincides with a whirlwind visit from overseas friends and family and he gets to go on a Duck Tour in the City and is serenaded by the captain. This also marks the college graduation of the world’s greatest babysitter and we are happy as clams at the homestead! Mommy and daddy are happy that the kids are once again in excellent hands (she was with us 2 summers ago) and it also does not hurt that she is an excellent cook! Not looking forward to when she leaves for grad school, but in the meantime, everyone is dusting off their musical instruments and making some noise (she majored in music)! We also had big brother’s piano recital and he looked oh so serious! Celebrate father’s day and once again enjoy Pakistani/Indian Cuisine – I think this might be a family tradition. We don’t have to contend with crowds, long wait times or having to remember to make reservations weeks ahead of time. Daddy also manages a couple of trips to Universal Studios - sans mom who nfortunately has to work and misses out all the fun! We are able to do a few excursions to the beach and the kids are fearless around water - I really need to sign them up for lessons. Big brother was in our local swim team last year, but a pool that is not heated + early morning swim practice = a shivering boy who was not too excited to return to the team this year.

July – enjoy out town's Fourth of July parade, lunch with friends and fireworks at the park! I also sort the kids’ clothes and toys and clean up the garage. After spending 14 hours doing this, I am glad that we are in the "no more toys" phase! Large families on both sides + 4 kids + birthdays + Easter + Christmas = a house and garage filled with toys! Looking at the possible thousands of dollars spent on toys that we were giving away (and which the kids rarely play with and sometimes forget they have) I wish this was an ideal world where the money spent on the presents would be given in the kids’name to either a family adopting or an orphanage. We tried suggesting that last year without much success - the kids are well loved and I think adults get so much joy giving presents to kids feel like the children might feel cheated if they don’t get presents! We have so many educational toys which cost a pretty penny and if there were all they were cracked up to be, I should be raising 4 Einsteins! The kids are very simple in their wants - give them a ball, some bubbles, some play clothes and mommy's tupperware and they are entertained for hours. It is amazing how creative in play they are with just a few cheap items. We also enjoy God’s amazing creation amidst the California's redwoods on our annual family camping trip. The kids once again do amazing and have not stopped talking and asking about camping! Hoping I can rustle up the energy to do a quick weekend camping trip about an hour away.

The Egyptian Crisis Through the Eyes of a 6 Year Old!

2011-02-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

Big brother turned on the t.v. the other day to watch a cartoon and as luck would have it, the t.v was on a news channel and he inadvertently watched coverage of the demonstrations in Egypt. As he saw the "peaceful" demonstrators throwing stones at the police, he was so perturbed and exclaimed, "mommy, mommy, those bad guys are trying to kill God!" Not sure I won any parenting awards, because I did not really explain the significant news story of the day that is even preempting coverage of congress woman Gifford's recovery and whose outcome is likely to change the world (though not likely in a positive way). I mean, after all these years of teaching big brother we always use our kind words even when we disagree, how do I tell him that tens of thousands of grown ups were using rocks and stones to make their point! And this was a reminder that I need to ramp up our religious education - never occurred to me that at 6 he did not know of the everlasting attribute of God! So, I took the easy route and only reassured him that God is everlasting and ignored the rock throwers!

Sidenote: Egypt is the country that makes me think I am losing my mind when I find myself in disagreements at the water cooler as I point out to seemingly knowledgable sounding co-workers that Egypt is in Africa. I get some pitying looks from some who will never even glance at a simple world map (even if it is to "prove" me wrong)! How the American educational system has failed us!

Political Correctness Run Amok - MLK Day

2011-01-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

At four, big brother was finally let into the secret of different skin colors during an MLK celebration at his pre-school. I think that this is something that kids figure out in due time without our help and the irony was not lost on me that a celebration of Martin Luther King's life's work to teach that we are all created equal, Big Brother finally learnt that we are different. Now this is in a private pre-school so it was not as if there was some State mandate to teach this.

Fast forward two years later, and big brother's first grade class is treated to a movie presentation of Martin Luther King's assasination. Granted it is a cartoon, and maybe I am rather slow in feeding my six year old a diet of cartoon images of violence and death, but still I think it is a bit much. I think in our efforts to out do each other in how much we esteem diversity (never mind the fact that I live in a supposedly pretty liberal and diverse state, but where racial segratation is the norm in most neighborhoods) I think sometimes we forgo commonsense. I am having to fast track teaching my six year old about prejudice and hatred based on race because the public school system in its quest to be politically correct has introduced concepts that I think are a bit premature for six year olds. Kids can be pretty cruel on their own and in trying to find their place in the playground pecking order, I think sometimes in our politically correct world, we give them things to add to their arsenal. I am sure most four year olds leave alone six year olds do not intrinsically use race as a weapon in the pecking order wars, but I think adults introduce this concept, even when we think we are doing good. Not sure this is really what MLK fought for and died for.

Mental Retardation, Autism, PDD-NOS........

2011-01-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I had my mind wrapped around Baby Boy's autism diagnosis, I get thrown for a loop! We have been getting Baby Boy services based on his developmental pediatrician's provisional diagnosis of autism and the school district testing has all been geared towards getting an I.E.P in place to best address his needs based on an autism diagnosis. Today we had more testing with a psychologist from the Regional Center to determine if the Regional Center would continue providing services past age three. I may be totally reading it wrong, but it seemed like the psychologist came into the testing trying to discount Autism. The psychologist did not even know that we had been seing a developmental pediatrician (probably because she had not read his file - something she could have been doing during the 30 minutes we were waiting past our appointment as she chit-chatted with the receptionist). She found the report after I pointed out it had been faxed months ago and she quickly skimmed through it before beginning the testing. The thing she immediately latched on was that the diagnosis was provisional - said that fact really helped her, but at the time I was not really sure why. The testing that had been scheduled for 3 - 4 hours only took 1 1/2 hours which included asking all the intake questions (that were already on his file) and also included the psychologist keeping up with her texting! Boy did she try to get baby boy to "pass" his test! She would get into his line of vision, loudly call his name and work totally hard to make eye contact! She also spent 20 minutes trying to get him to feed a doll. She does get an A+ for effort! When the test was completed, she told me he seemed to make good eye contact (any child would if you kept at it for almost an hour) and he had good pretend play skills! Wow, if someone repeatedly showed me and told me to do the same thing more than thirty times in a twenty minute time span, I am not sure that would qualify for good skills! She would ask qualifier questions to try to discount things that everyone has observed that fall on the autism spectrum. She then concluded the indications were more in line with mental retardation and the school district would best address his needs! Bottom line was she felt he would not qualify for Regional Center Services.

She could be a psychologist worth her title and a pretty efficient one at that that she takes less than 1/2 the time others in Baby Boy's team take to do the same testing, but the fact that she begun the testing already wanting to discount autism while others seem to be leaning in that direction and the fact that she contracts with the regional center and it would be in the Regional Center's best interests to get a diagnosis that they would not be obligated to pay for services makes me a little suspicious. That and the not comforting discovery while researching Mental Retardation that African American children are much more likely to get a mental retardation diagnosis while white children get an autism diagnosis when presenting with the same behaviors. Not sure if it is denial and I still want to hold on the the dream that baby boy could very well be an autistic savant sinces he occasionally dispays some flashes of brilliance. A mental retardation dx kinda puts a damper on that dream (never mind the probability of that actually being the case is practically nil - there are only about 25 known living autistic savants). But a mama can dream! Oy Vey!

How Old is Santa?

2010-12-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

Question from Mr. Inquisitive aka Big Brother. And how do I answer this one? At 6 1/2, Big Brother is still writing notes to Santa. The other day, he wondered if hundreds of years ago, kids still got visits from Santa. Blind to where this would lead, I quickly answered yes. And then came the question - how old does that make Santa? Not sure I want to let Big Brother into the secret yet, what with it being so close to Christmas and currently fighting a battle to keep on top of all the sciences related questions Big Brother asks which constantly have me researching late into the night. The other day, Big Brother looked at me with wide eyes, surprised that mama did not have the answer to some abstract scientific question he had! I think my parents got a respite - I was in high school before I finally figured out my parents were not the reservoirs of all knowledge that I previously thought they were.

Though making this humanities leaning mama sweat trying to brush up on her science knowledge, Mr. Inquisitive is still so very sweet and for Christmas, only asked for two additions to his Thomas the Train collection - according to him, he did not want Santa to hurt his back by carrying too many presents! When I told him that Santa might not find the exact trains he wanted, he joyfully told me that Santa does not give up. Said Santa is like an artist - he would keep on trying until he finds the exact presents kids want! So Santa has his work cut out this year - they are no longer making the die-cast take along Thomas trains and finding the older ones is a treasure hunt.

Fortunately, I have some time before the twins start wanting to know the mysteries of the world! Right now, they think mommy and daddy make the sun rise and set! We had our second meeting I.E.P and they were true to form. What with three people giving them their undivided attention, trying to get them to play with all the cool toys and mommy being a bit distracted because she spent three hours answering hundreds of questions. They played, chatted and all around tried to impress their new friends. I am sure people in other offices could not believe there were only two kids in the room! The school psychologist later told me that I am a mom who gets it and praised how calm I was when re-directing the kids. Made me feel like a fraud, because that same morning, I would not have gotten any best mommy awards as I was trying to get three kids dressed and fed. They all seemed to be conspiring against me by choosing the morning when we had limited time to be the morning when they did not have appetites (not good if we were going to have a 3 hour appointment) and needed to put in a day's worth of play into an hour in the morning. Testing is good and bad - puts into focus concerns you usually ignore or become immune to, and also cause unnecessary stress as you begin to wonder what some of the testing is pointing towards. But, we will enjoy the Christmas season - the kids are fascinated with Christmas decorations and we have been driving around some nights to see some homes and the kids are in heaven seeing all the Christmas lights.

Not Exactly Oprah's Favorite Things, But......

2010-11-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

I caught the tail end of Oprah today and saw the joy on the faces of the receipients of this year's Oprah's (and her sponsors') generosity. And boy did they get some good stuff. But, I am not sure the joy of a mommy getting warm fleece footed pajamas from daddy and the kiddos just because, along with some sappy love notes from said daddy and kiddos (written with the help of a guy who would never be accused of being a romantic) compares. Or the joy of a son declaring for all the world to know that I am the best mommy in the world! All because I took advantage of IHOP's kids eat free on Tuesday nights (and got a respite from cooking)! But shush, don't let big brother in on this. Big brother is sure easy to please! We used to take go out for lunch every Sunday after church, but it started getting a bit more tricky with three little ones who had missed their morning nap and who had not yet mastered the finer points of eating out while sleepy. So, it has been awhile since we had eaten out and from the way big brother was enjoying his Mac and Cheese, you would have thought he was eating at a fine French restaurant! Oh, the simple joys if only we just looked around and stopped looking for joy in stuff (and I have had my years of daydreaming about being the recipient of some of Oprah's favorite things). Tonight as I am taking a long overdue break from my daily routine and as I drink coffee in my fleece footed pajamas and watch daddy make a mess as he feeds the kids before he puts them to bed and we watch an episode of Outsourced, I realize I have all my favorite things all under one roof!

This and That!

2010-10-06T00:21:00.000-07:00

My, my, where did the summer go? Between Baby Boy's three hospitalizations (not a good idea for a resident doctor to let a patient go directly home from the ICU. Even daddy and the nurses did not think it was a good idea. Why? Because, the patient will be back the next day for his next hospitalization), five weddings with one out of state (hooray for all the wonderful brides who had organized childcare and activities for the kids during the weddings), baby girl 's debut as a flower girl where she took her role very seriously and was an absolute angel (with the expert guidance of her oldest brother, who at 6, thinks he is an old pro at this wedding thing. What with being a ring bearer 4 times already under his belt), birthdays for Big Brother and mommy, Baby Girl and Baby Boy starting preschool and Big Brother starting first grade, having out of state and out of country guests for most of the summer, life has been a little busy in our neck of the woods!

Baby Boy is thriving in preschool (he had better, the good peeps of my state are investing over $40,000 a year for part-time preschool. And what does $40,000 buy him? A class with a 1: 1 teacher, student ratio - the teacher is actually an early intervention specialist, speech therapy 3 times a week, lots of field trips and physical and occupational therapy. In the last two weeks, he has had an explosion of language and since he started preschool and using the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS), he is not frustrated at home at our inability to understand his babbling and gestures! He has become his old joyful self, is able to communicate much better and does not whine all day long. He does give his teachers a run for their money - he is usually described as the adorable kid who is very, very busy! His killer smile earns him lots of lap time with his teachers, and he refuses to follow most directions at school (though he has no problems following directions at home). He needs someone to redirect him most of the time he is in school. I have tried giving some strategies to the school to ensure compliance, but what do I know - I am just the mommy, and they are the experts who have studied behavior modification!

Baby Girl's early intervention specialist also recommended a center setting for her since she is so social and would enjoy interacting with other kids. She goes to the same school as Baby Boy, but a different class. However, we are reconsidering our decision. She absolutely loves school and leaves the house skipping and dancing in the morning, but she has regressed in her language acquisition skills. She is a sponge and has an amazing ability to imitate the other children in her class (most have special needs). Though this will hopefully engender empathy, I really think we should pull her out and mainstream her next year. Not sure the people of our wonderful state are getting a bang for their money in investing in her education at this point! $40,000 a year for a child to socialize with other kids for 25 hours a week seems a little excessive when our state is almost declaring bankruptcy! She still loves dancing and singing and spends her time at school trying to fix her teachers' hair! They describe her as absolutely delightful and after going to bed late one night, the school called very concerned because she was not her normal playful, talkative self.

At 2 1/2 years, the twins insist it would be in our best financial interest to buy stock in a diaper company. Both will happily sit on the potty for almost an hour, sing, talk and read books, but so far, no success. We have been working on this for months and after feeling maybe a bit smug in my abilities to potty train after it only took four days to fully potty train Big Brother at 23 months, I guess it is time for a dose of humility in this area. Baby Boy is pretty good at telling me he has a wet diaper, I just cannot get him to tell me before the fact! Totally surprised that Baby Girl who is my OCD princess when it comes to cleanliness does not seem fazed by icky diapers!

Ah, next year. We begin the wonderful world of IEPs and have several meetings with the school district team which involves a child psychologist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, physcial therapist, special ed teacher, audiologist and nurse. After the initial asssement, they decide if they need to add others to the team. My head is already spinning and I have only had one meeting of at least four.

Baby Girl 2, that girl is something! At 1 1/2, she speaks up a storm, and not single words, thank you very much, but three or four word sentences! I have lost count of the words she can say. Not sure if this will last - her older sister also started language by skipping single words and saying complete sentences, but she now seems to have hit a wall and regressed in her language skills. Baby Girl 2 is one smart cookie, she bullies her older siblings with the biggest smile on her face, and instructs them when to sit on the potty throughout the day, reads to them and is actually initiating potty training on her own. She is probably our most attached child, has always had a preference for mommy and daddy over anyone else and is now getting a strong case of separation anxiety. At home, she smiles and laughs all day long and does naughty things with a mischevious look daring you to come get her! And then, she runs off as fast as she can, laughing and saying she is sorry! Timeouts for her???? She spends them singing and dancing! I think she will be the kid who most keeps us on our toes!

Big Brother loves first grade though he never seems to remember what he learned in school because he says the day is soooooo long! I can see his point - coming from 3 1/2 hours of school last year to 6 1/2 hours a day this school year must be a shock to the systems of most 6 year olds! He is still loving science, geography and math and can add complex numbers in his head. He is fascinated by geography and maps and I have lost count of how many times I am googling things! He still loves astronomy, and of course his first love - trains! He saved up all his pennies and was able to go on a snow train ride a few months ago that he still talks about. A 6 hour trip ended up being 10 hours because the train broke down, but he was not complaining. He loved every second of it! He is now big brother alright, playing school and always making sure he is the teacher, bosses his younger siblings, but still very protective of the baby. She gets away with anything with him! She messes with his trains and he does not bat an eye - just smiles at her and fixes them. Not the same reaction for the twins! He is still enjoying soccer (last year he was super competitive and we tried instilling in him the value of putting in his best effort and having fun and not being obsessed with winning. He seemed to have taken the lesson too much to heart along with all his teammates! They have been creamed most of their games! We are now having to go back to the drawing board and teach him the basics of soccer - the intent is not to let every child have a chance at kicking the ball, nor is it kosher to just run around hoping the ball is kicked your way! We are teaching him it is okay to get competitive every now and then, though he remindes us frequently it is not all about winning, but having fun. Oh when kids start throwing your words back at you! He is enjoying piano and is making his daddy proud by still taking Karate - after three years, I think he is ready to give it a break. But don't let his black belt dad know that!

Life-Saving Insomnia!

2010-07-29T14:51:00.001-07:00

The first night home after three great days away camping (where the kids were just as super as last year), I went to bed leaving daddy-o getting frustrated because his insomnia was rearing its ugly head. About 4:30 a.m. he heard one of the kids and thought Baby Girl was awake and goofing around. His first thought was to ignore her, but then figured she would wake her sister up. Only it was not Baby Girl, but Baby Boy in the next room who thrashing around and gasping for breath. Daddy-o woke me up and even with my sleep interrupted (not my best time of day), I got some supernatural calm and had the presence of mind to start his breathing treatments and call for an ambulance. My sleep-induced foggy mind did not allow me to think it was something very serious but decided to play it safe instead of driving baby boy myself to the ER. Best decision ever - by 5:00 a.m., baby boy was at the local emergency room in severe respitory distress. Somehow, my rational mind was asleep, because I bought the now not very believable reason the paramedics gave for why the ambulance had sirens and lights on. I also did not see through a nurse's attempts to distract me by asking me the same questions over and over as ten medical professionals worked on my son who was a code blue upon arrival. Words like intubation somehow did not penetrate my mind! The adrenaline did not start kicking in until all the action was over, the doctors had thanked us for bringing a little excitement to a slow night and they had told me how serious my son’s presenting condition was.

Baby boy earned himself a transfer to the ICU at our local children’s hospital and once again, he was such a marvelous patient. Even with an IV sticking out of his neck (they did not have the luxury of time in the ER to get one on his arm), he still charmed all the doctors and nurses. He was Mr. Cool and insisted on always wearing (and even sleeping with) his sunglasses and daddy’s hat. He is such a good patient – very forgiving even when the nurses and doctors kept prodding him and interrupting his sleep. He spent a week lapping up all the attention of either mom or dad, his visitors and was a favorite of the nurses and doctors. His beautiful smile and goofy get up of a hospital gown, hat and sunglasses bought him countless pictures from one of the nurses! After a week at the hospital, I am so happy to be back home, so thankful to God for watching out for Baby Boy and allowing for daddy-o’s insomnia that night and so happy to actually be able to talk to, play with and kiss the other kiddos instead of seeing them in passing on the drive home as we traded places daily with daddy-o. My heart really goes out to parents with hospitalized children and I would really want to find a way to minister to a mom or dad – hopefully from the outside and not the inside!

Autism Speaks.

2010-06-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

Baby Boy’s recent hospitalization had given me a break from worrying about our impending visit with the developmental pediatrician. But my days of blessed denial that things were just not right were short lived – though I have felt really at peace in the last two days about the possible diagnosis. I had refused to do any research on autism, choosing not to worry over things I could not change. About an hour and a half into the doctor's appointment, I had to remove my head from the sand – nothing like getting a Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers to force you to face reality! Baby Boy has regressed in some areas since our last testing in December, but he shows slight improvement in others. We now have a provisional diagnosis of autism and the doctor will also be doing some testing to rule out some genetic disorders. I had not let my mind go to what this might mean, but I finally broke down at the doctor’s office. The kind of doctor she is did not help my resolve to be strong -she is the most amazing doctor I have ever met – she is so caring, compassionate, kind and the best advocate any child could ever ask for. She even apologized because she was fifteen minutes late – which was not a big deal since we were seeing the nurse during the wait. She showed real empathy for what this means, and she was really struggling and hoping that the tests she was doing as well as the questionnaire were not pointing at what she was suspecting. This is the greatest practice I have ever seen, she was not fazed even one bit when she walked in and two tired and wired toddlers had gone to town with all the toys in her office, her nurse also kept Baby Girl company for two hours, playing with her and taking her for a walk and they both offered to help me get the kids to the car. The doctor also gave me her cell phone number to call with any questions, concerns or for help to get my son additional services. She did not try to paint an unreasonably rosy picture – she assured me it could be a very tough road (the spectrum is so wide and we don't know where Baby Boy falls) and doctors are still a very long way from understanding autism, let alone getting a cure.

Everything now makes sense – Baby Boy’s speech therapist, early intervention specialist, case manager as well as occupational therapist had all been asking if I had considered center-based care so that Baby Boy’s needs could be provided under one roof. I was a bit confused since he is getting all his services under one roof – the therapists do weekly home visits – but I think they all suspected autism, but no-one wanted to say the word! This is the new territory we will be exploring – the developmental pediatrician also made recommendations for some centers and advised that he needs daily one-on-one intensive therapies. I am heart-broken. This means separating the twins and for 20-25 hours a week, removing him from the one secure place he has known. I am also terrified that I will mess this mommy thing – my formerly very cuddly and compliant son is now really testing the boundaries, becoming extremely independent and more frustrated at our inability to understand him. I grew up in a family where children’s obedience was expected and nothing raises my blood pressure more than seeing disobedient and disrespectful children. I have been working hard to establish this same expectation for my kids. How do I strike the balance between not letting my great empathy for my son make me swing to the other extreme and become too permissive with him (and possibly turn him into a little monster) or have unreasonable expectations that he cannot meet because of what is going on neurologically? Today, I am broken and I will let my heart grieve. Tomorrow, I will raise my chin, put on my big girl pants and continue advocating for baby boy. Dear, darling boy, you have been dealt a lot, but mommy and daddy will go to the ends of the earth to try and help you overcome your obstacles. And even more importantly, your Heavenly Father can take the ashes of what seems to be a bleak picture and bring Glory to Himself. I cannot wait to see how He will use you. I love you so much Baby Boy, my heart could explode.

Arrested!

2010-06-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

That's the crazy thought that went through our minds when we saw Baby Boy's bed in his room at Children's Hospital! I have never been to a children's ward, so I had never seen the ~~cages~~ beds that kids sleep in. I guess we needed some comic relief after our ER scare. I am a slow learner, I still did not figure out the seriousness of my son's illness even after the triage nurse immediately showed us into a room upon arrival, seeing a team of three respiratory technicians, five nurses and three doctors all working on my son and all asking me rapid fire questions. Baby Boy has had more than his fair share of ER visits at our regular hospital (nothing like being on first name basis with the ER staff), but I thought that since this was a Children's hospital, this was protocol having so many people working on your child!

Baby Boy earned himself a four day stay at Children's Hospital and my heart goes out to parents whose children have extended hospitalizations. It is exhausting trying to keep a child from tearing off their IVs, keeping them in their beds when all they want to do is to make a run for it, and entertaining a child who is stuck in bed and who is anxious because he misses his siblings, but they can't visit him because he is under precautionary isolation. But, all things considered, Baby Boy was such a trooper and we did finally see a doctor who is more aggressive in treating asthma. We had seen a pulmonologist a couple of weeks before Baby Boy's hospitalization because I felt we did not have a good treatment plan for Baby Boy's asthma, but the pulmonologist pretty much kept the same treatment plan as Baby Boy's regular pediatrician. Now we have a better treatment plan and a lot less guilt for mommy because I felt like I missing something since I was following all the doctor's orders but Baby Boy was still making too many emergency room visits. 2 of my other kids have garden variety asthma while Baby Boy is a labile asthmatic - fine one minute and within hours his heart rate is racing, low oxygen saturation and really high respirations and needs more help than just his nebulizer.

Baby Boy is now back to his old happy self and he was one happy camper to be back home. We see his developmental pediatrician this week. Little guy needs a break - he is a friendly guy alright, but our heads spin with the medical professionals in his team - pediatrician, speech therapist, occupational therapist, developmental pediatrician, early interventionist and now a pulmonologist. But we are really grateful for access to excellent medical care and understanding work places.

Because I Hate Black People.......

2010-06-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

Event: end of kindergarten school year picnic in the park.

One little kindergarten boy asks a little kindergarten girl to please be his partner for a water balloon fight. Little kindergarten girl folds her hands and tells little kindergarten boy she does not want to be his partner. Little innocent kindergarten boy skips off happily to look for some one else who wants to play. When all are paired up, little kindergarten girl does not have a partner. Little kindergarten girl with quivering lips comes to a mommy who was observing the interaction to ask for her assistance in getting a partner. The observing mommy reminds little kindergarten girl that little kindergarten boy had asked to be her partner and she declined. Little kindergarten girl without missing a beat says she did not want to play with him because she hates black people. Observing mommy almost has a heart attack - a full fledged racist kindergartener? Unfortunately (or fortunately because this mommy is not sure of the outcome of the "little talk" she would have had) little kindergarten girl’s mommy is not at the picnic.

So many things that are tragic with this picture – little kindergarten boy who has a really tender heart who through out the school year would finish his work really fast to help little kindergarten girl with her work - some of the other little girls would make fun of little kindergarten girl since she was struggling with kindergarten schoolwork and little kindergarten boy did not want anyone making fun of her. Little kindergarten boy who really wanted to learn how to tie his shoes and though shy, would ask any adult in the class to teach him how. All so that he could teach little kindergarten girl how to tie hers so that same said girls Would stop laughing at her since she did not know how to tie hers. Tragic that little kindergarten girl’s heart has already been corrupted with such hate at such a young age. Even more tragic that little girl peddling racism is Vietnamese and will have to deal with prejudice and racism directed at her. Tragic for innocent little kindergarten boy who will have to overcome enormous challenges to be the boy who God intended him to be – brilliant scientist, kind-hearted, caring and all around one totally decent kid. Oh how my heart breaks for him - it is one thing to deal with prejudice and racism from adults, but having to deal with it from your peers as early as kindergarten? Tragic for the mommy observing this interaction who was too flabbergasted to figure out how to handle the issue – I mean a chat with the parents is probably meaningless – racism is not genetic but taught. And this mommy has to quickly get her act together to get a game plan because her black children are counting on her to protect them against racism, both veiled and not so veiled. And all this happening in an elementary school in a state that calls itself the trail blazer in progressive issues and where diversity is supposedly the fad de jour. Oh what hope is there for our children if fifty years after dogs and fire hoses were unleashed on school children fighting against racism, racism is still so much alive and well?

When Love Is Not Enough

2010-06-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

Before adopting Baby Boy, we knew he had some developmental delays. But his social worker assured us the delays were nothing that a loving home would not “cure” in a few short months. Well, I am here to say, that a year later, love alone has not “cured” my traumatized child. I totally was uninformed on the issues that a traumatized child can face (not that it would have made any difference whatsoever in our decision), but I am sad that the professionals who should be better informed seemed more clueless than I was. More than a year later, we have loved Baby Boy to pieces, advocated for his needs and made sure he gets early intervention services, speech therapy, sees a developmental pediatrician and we are now adding occupational therapy. Even with all these interventions, the progress is slower than slow. At 28 months, Baby Boy still does not speak volitionally, nor can he use his sign language volitionally – he will repeat words in context and use a sign after you say the word, but he can’t initiate the word or sign enough to communicate. His vocabulary is less than 10 words – less than his one year old sister’s vocabulary. This sometimes leaves a frustrated child – he knows what he wants, but simply can’t communicate his needs because mommy sometimes does not understand the grunts or pointing or babbling. And this leaves a grieving mommy when she looks at a happy, smiling boy who is clueless at the mountains he will have to overcome. I thought I had some parenting issues down pat, like how to potty train in four days. But we got thrown for a loop – how do you potty train a child who will not communicate volitionally that he needs to go? If you ask him if he needs to use the potty, he just smiles and says potty. Baby boy does not understand most two step commands and we are left wondering how to parent twins who are reaching their developmental milestones miles apart? And how do you show empathy for the one, without neglecting the needs of the other? When we were getting an evaluation for occupational therapy, I wanted to bury my head and pretend that the questions that the therapist was asking were not pointing to autism. Of course, she soon removed the wool from my eyes by using the A word! Baby Boy does not have an official diagnosis of autism, and I am stopping myself from doing any research – because I want a few carefree days of blessed ignorance before his next appointment with the developmental pediatrician in a couple of weeks. So we soldier on, trying to prove his social worker right that all he needs is love and he will catch up to his peers.

10/10

2010-05-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

Big brother extraordinaire had a spell-a-thon today to raise funds for our school district (pending budget cuts may increase class size from 20 kids to 30 kids next school year). He aced it, but silly bunny did not even realize it! We have been practicing his spelling words along with his 100 sight word challenge for kindergarten and this morning, he was anxious because he thought he may not remember all his spelling words and disappoint his teacher. I so love the innocence of Kindergarteners and how they think the world of their teachers! It is such a magical age!

Congratulations big brother. You continue to amaze me with your love for your siblings, even crying your heart out yesterday when your little sister went for a sleep over, because you missed her so. Thank you for loving me so, even when I expect so much of - you are my right hand guy helping me so much with the little ones. You never complain and a year later, you still happily go get mommy diapers, help clean up toys that you did not even play with, and always remind me that the little ones are just babies when mommy gets a bit impatient sometimes! We rocked your world a year ago, but you took everything in stride and are so secure in our love for you. Thank you for being so funny and goofy and for your love of the sciences and making your humanities leaning mama have to dust up her science knowledge! Though mommy never fulfilled her daddy's dreams for her to become a doctor (she could not stand the sight of blood), you still believe in my abilities to make your boo boos better and you always call me doctor mom! You bless our hearts so much and we are so proud of you!

Does Your Sunday Morning Look Like This?

2010-04-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

6:30 a.m. on Sunday morning, I am wide awake (why can’t I do this during the weekdays, when I actually need to be awake at this time so that I can get to work) and I enjoy a few minutes of quiet time day dreaming that today, is the day I just might be able to sleep in.

At 7:00 a.m. big brother bounds up to my room totally awake, full of energy that only a five year old boy can muster and he is ready to take on the world. When I realize pretending to be asleep does not curb his early morning enthusiasm, I remember big brother has not yet discovered that 5 ½ year old Kindergarteners are too cool and no longer watch Sprout and PBS Kids and I feel comfortable sending him downstairs to watch a little T.V. that states it is suitable for preschoolers.

7:10 a.m., I jump out of bed when I get visions of big brother trying to make breakfast for the family – he has a servant’s heart and is always trying to make life easier for mommy – but microwave, stove and 5 ½ old boy are just not a good combination! Okay so much for sleeping in. We enjoy some time together, make breakfast and I watch the millionth episode of Barney & Friends.

8:00 a.m. dh leaves to teach Sunday school, whistling as he goes - I think he is totally clueless that getting four kids five and under ready in the morning when you have places to go is not as easy as pie or maybe he knows (though not from experience) and he is glad he has an escape. Otherwise, he would not be so cheerful on Sunday mornings.

9:00 a.m. the three youngest have made it perfectly clear that it is time for me to get up those stairs and meet their needs. Four baths later with uncooperative munchkins who compete on who will flood the bathroom the most, who will get mommy the wettest, and who will run off the most times sans clothes, giving mommy a major work out chasing toddlers who think this is the funniest game ever. Somehow, I manage to get the two year olds and the one year old dressed. As for the five year old, he is on his own - I just hope he remembered to tuck in his shirt and clip on his tie.

9:45 a.m. Start working on two diva’s hairs - I must be an eternal optimist because I am always hopeful that the hairstyles I work on so hard on Saturday night will stay put for Sunday. However, the girls have other ideas – every Sunday morning when I go to get them out of bed, they gleefully point at their handiwork in the form of all the hair bands and barrettes lying on the floor.

10:00 a.m. Breakfast time. Try feeding three kiddos who love their food at the same time and then add big brother who decides that of all the mornings, this is the morning when he needs mommy’s help to eat his waffle! We avoid disaster, most of the food does not land on their clothes and mommy puts up the gates and prays that big brother does not take it upon himself to get all three over the gate so that they can all go upstairs to surprise mommy!

10:25 a.m. hit the shower and try to break the record of the quickest shower ever. Pretend that my clothes don’t look like a cow has been chewing on them, avoid the mirror, and hope for the best.

10:40 a.m. one of the munchkins decides mommy’s breakfast did not meet their standards and decides their Sunday finest is the best place to regurgitate their meal. Mommy quickly decides she has no time to cry, magically wipes down said child and changes their clothes all in less than two minutes, while hoping that the throw up smell is only in the air and not coming from said child. Ignore the other suspicious smell that suggests that another one or two children might need a diaper change. 10 shoes later, I have to decide whether to ignore some miscellaneous barrettes on the floor and let people think I am a bad mommy who can’t fix her daughters’ hair or if it more important to get to church on time.

10:50 a.m. load up said munchkins into the car – some are trying to wander off and pick flowers. Never thought loading up kids could lead to such a work out – I hope that the deodorant does what the advertisers say it does and also hope that the make up is water proof – oh yeah, skip that, have not had time for make up in a year. All is good. Exercise is overrated – can’t seem to break a sweat on the treadmill, but I am guaranteed to every Sunday, just loading up kids and diaper bags. Thank goodness church is just five minutes away and I make it in the nick of time – and once again promise that next Sunday, I will be one of the families that stroll in 15 minutes before service starts. And the morning is not yet over – there is still the church service, but that is for another post.

One More Orphan :(

2010-04-13T22:12:00.001-07:00

On Wednesday night April 7, 2010, my innocent little 3 year old self fit the UN definition of an orphan and became part of the 147 million orphan statistic. While grown ups may squabble about the UN’s definition of an orphan - a child 0-17 whose mother (maternal orphans) or father (paternal orphans) or both (double orphans) are dead – they can not squabble over the fact that on that tragic day, I became a fatherless child.

On that Wednesday night, I ceased to be defined as the happy, spunky, gregarious, talkative, carefree girly girl who could tumble and wrestle with the best of them, or as the kid who astounded everyone when she could speak fluently at 1 ½ years old and who by 2 years old was already fluently bi-lingual and at 3 was working on being fluent in her third language. Before that Wednesday night, my only cares were loving my dolls, playing with my toy kitchen, having long extended tea parties and keeping everyone laughing because they say I talk a mile a minute and always say the darndest things. Instead, from that fateful night last week, everyone looks at me with pity and sorrow as I try and figure out why everyone is so sad and what it means when I ask for my daddy and everyone tells me that he is in heaven. Now, I am defined as the poor little girl who does not have a daddy.

Because on that Wednesday night you decided it was no big deal to drive drunk on a suspended license while serving probation for a previous drunken-driving conviction. And you also decided it was not worth your time to stop and check on my daddy as he lay trapped under the wheels of your pickup truck – it was more important to leave the scene so that the police would not know that you were driving drunk. Thank goodness that this is not the final image I will know about the last minutes of my daddy’s life – your brother was decent enough to remain at the scene and lead police to your home where your cowardly drunk self was hiding. And even more decent were all the people who had just spent Wednesday night at bible study with my daddy and who had just watched him don on his helmet, get on his motorcycle and wave goodbye, but who a minute later were trying to administer CPR and were praying like crazy that God would let my daddy live. As you sit in jail, you will never know just how much my daddy loved me and what a wonderful and dedicated father he was. Nor will you ever know all the sacrifices he made to be the world’s greatest father. You will never know that my daddy was an all round decent man who not only cared for me, but he so deeply cared for others, was in an elite urban search and rescue team and was training to be a firefighter so that he could continue to put his life on the line to help save lives. On Wednesday night, the brave firefighters were the first on the scene to try and help save my daddy’s life – thanks to you, he will not be joining them on the big red fire truck. The only tangible reminder of the hero that my daddy was, will be the flag given to me by a representative from our Governor's office as a thank you from the people of my state for my daddy sacrifices. On Wednesday night, his elite group of 103 men from around my state became one man short.

Today, perhaps you are reflecting on whether the buzz you felt after your drinks and getting behind the wheel was worth taking a life, while my mommy shops for the dress I will wear at my daddy’s funeral. As I walk through life without my daddy I pray that the memories we built together for the last three years will not grow dim. After a short stint in jail, you may forget that you took a life, and perhaps get behind the wheel drunk yet again. But this little girl will not have the luxury of forgetting – because she will never hear her daddy’s voice, get her daddy’s hugs again, or see the million dollar smile that her daddy gave everyone he met, but the biggest smile of all that just lit up his whole face, he saved for his little princess. This little girl will not have her daddy to cheer her on when she graduates from college and she will not have her proud daddy walking her down the aisle.

Elizabeth, we love you so very much and we who knew your daddy will make sure that your memory of him does not grow dim and we will always make sure that you always know that you were one loved and cherished daddy’s little girl.

Happy Birthday Ms. Happy!

2010-03-19T22:38:00.001-07:00

Baby Girl 2 is just all sunshine. She is the easiest baby the world has ever known - she has always bubbled, smiled and cooed and has very predictable needs. She smiles and laughs and is just simply delightful! We really should have named her Joy - the name totally fits her (darn those profiles which simply did not even begin to describe my baby girl's personality, hence us not choosing this name). She loves her food and though silly bunny can't chew solids yet - she still loves her pureed food. She thinks she is in heaven now that she is drinking cow's milk, absolutely adores her oldest brother and shows a lot of grace to the twins who try and force feed her her bottle! She can say mommy, daddy, bye bye, hi, up, goodnight, no (which she hears often), as well as call her brothers by name. She also "helps" her big brother learn his kindergarten sight words by calling out "up" everytime I show him a new flash card (up is one of his sight words). She is one smart cookie! She loves to play peekaboo and loves to talk on the phone! She has two little teeth trying to break through and just took a couple of steps yesterday. She stands for the longest and is so proud of herself that she just stands clapping for herself that she forgets to take a step! Baby girl is just pure joy! She is a bit mischievous and is forever trying to get into her daddy's music all the while looking to see if anyone sees her. If she notices someone watching her - she crawls a marathon - I have never seen a faster crawler! Baby girl is just pure joy and oh how everyone loves her! Happy first birthday baby girl - what a joy you are to parent and oh how my heart is filled with love for you!

Oh, Those Poor Africans....

2010-02-23T15:31:00.001-08:00

Partial picture of Nairobi - picture lifted from http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-51356.0.html.

Addis Ababa, Ethiopia through the eyes of most adoptive parents of Ethiopian kids – wonderful and descriptive descriptions of heavily laden donkeys on the city streets, beggars everywhere happily taking candy handed out by the adoptive parents, the colors of the famous gates of the various orphanages and transitional houses, the wonderful nannies at the orphanages, the dogs barking at all hours of the night, the beautiful children left behind that the adoptive parents just want to scoop up and bring home, those poor people at the leper colony, the obligatory coffee ceremony and of course the beautiful people of Ethiopia. All of which forever changes the describer of these travels.

Kigali, Rwanda, the newest destination for International Adoptions – wonderful descriptions of the green country, the land of a thousand hills, the nice hotel with the beautiful gardens, the wonderful POAs, the traditional dancers, learning how to strap a child on the back Rwandan style and of course the genocide memorial.

Nairobi, Kenya – transit point for a lot of adoptive parents of Rwandan children: pictures of a day safari, perhaps some pictures of the kids feeding giraffes at the giraffe centre, pictures outside the clinic where you have to wait for hours for the U.S. Embassy required medical exams needed for the children’s visas and oh sometimes a description of the traffic nightmare that is downtown Nairobi.

Perspective: most parents stay in five star hotels – most in a lot nicer hotels than I have stayed in the U.S (at least true for vast majority of the five star hotels that dot Nairobi, Kenya), the opportunity to be chauffeur driven and have the driver be at your beck and call all day (when was the last time you had a taxi driver in the U.S that was at your beck and call), access to clean bottled water, excellent customer service (shhh, don’t tell anyone, but Americans around the world are thought to be some of the most generous tippers – the British – not so much, hence Americans generally get preferential treatment). On inconvenient facts that may destroy some of the stereotype of Africa? Deafening silence. I mean, how much can you appreciate my sacrifice if I tell you of the fact that there are cities in Africa have modern buildings, modern amenities, some world class hotels and restaurant, and yes, even paved streets? I mean, I have to keep with the American stereotype of the perpetually malnourished African child, with the runny nose, huge belly, ribs sticking out with flies all over their body. And the African woman who has had 10 children too many, with a child strapped to their back begging in the streets of Addis Ababa and grateful for candy from the American philanthropist who is guilty they did not bring more candy. The ramshackle kiosks where those desperately poor men are trying to eke out a living? Now these are the perfect backdrops for good pictures to show back home. Because really, could you really appreciate that I have been to Africa without these? Never mind that there are a million images in the western world that perpetuate these stereotypes, thank you very much. And the fact that it annoys most Africans to be thus depicted – as the objects of our pity, instead of someone, anyone telling of the progress made towards westernization? We never get to know that they get offended, because seriously, after numerous squeezes of the hand sanitizer after an African shakes our hands, and as we take these obligatory pictures, it never leaves room for real relationships with the citizens of these countries to really ever know. And this, my friends is the lopsided perspective we give our children adopted from Africa of their countries of origin. Because even if we tell them the reality of their countries of origin, they will still be surrounded by our families and friends who still fondly hold on to these stereotypes (thanks to those countless pictures we took).

Happy Birthday Babyboy!

2010-02-04T20:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, babyboy, babyboy! You smile can melt a glacier and you love, love, love, cuddles. You laugh and dance and play, play, play! You give millions of wet, slobbery kisses and all the ladies want to steal you and take you home! You want to be just like your big brother and have taken to carrying around your blankie just like him! You bring out the mommy bear in me and together for the last five months we have taken on the big bad guys and there is victory in sight! Between your killer smile and mommy's vow to advocate for you, you will get speech therapy and be able to tell mommy all the adorable things that make your eyes twinkle! You work so hard at sign language and keep mommy on her toes learning sign. You are so gentle with everyone and especially with your baby sister (unless one of your siblings takes your food)! You fool us all the time - being shy around strangers most of the time and then on your birthday being Mr. Personality and flirting with all the girls, dancing with ChuckeE and having a blast playing all the machines! Hard to believe you have been ours only ten months - it feels like you have always been a part of our family. So thankful that God entrusted you in our care. We love you bunches!

Happy Birthday BabyGirl

2010-02-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

We love you Ms. Sunshine! You fill our home with tons of joy and laughter. You are our resident tom-boy, but at the same time all girly. You oh so patiently let mommy fix your hair and always reward my efforts by running to the mirror and saying pretty! You are a social butterfly and love mothering your siblings. You don't sit still long enough for lots of cuddles, but you make sure everyone gets their kiss and hug for the day. You love your doll and toy stroller and you are a girl after your mother's heart - you love books. You love cleaning and helping and you never miss anything around you! I wish I understood some of your animated stories that you love to tell complete with dramatization, dancing and singing! You turned two but you insist to everyone who will listen that you are six! Don't grow up too fast babygirl! Oh how I love you my baby doll.

Baby Boy

2009-12-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

Nothing cheers up a dreary waiting room in a speech, physical and occupational therapy practice like a joyous child with a million dollar smile who totally flirts with all the ladies, playing peek a boo, smiling, and running off laughing in glee as soon as they come near him! This was the best waiting room experience I have ever had – Baby boy left everyone smiling and gave everyone some Christmas cheer! This is major progress for baby boy because for the first few months home, he was very reserved and had a lot of anxiety around strangers. Baby boy got his second speech therapy evaluation which just reaffirms the conclusions of his first one in August – he has delays in his expressive and receptive language and needs speech therapy. Now if we can only find a slot for him – the practice his health insurance contracts with to provide the services has a 1 – 2 year waiting list and they cannot know for sure how long he will need to wait since it all depends on the length of time their current patients require therapy. But, I am grateful for a possible workaround – if we can get a letter stating that there is a long waiting list, the regional center can provide services until a slot opens up. Now, if we can only get that ever elusive letter!

Baby boy also had his appointment with the developmental pediatrician and it was worth the wait to be able to get in. We got 3 ½ hours totally devoted to my son - testing by a child psychologist, time with a pediatric nurse and then an hour with the developmental pediatrician. I can’t tell you just how wonderful of a practice this is – everyone is so focused on your child and they make you feel like they have all day just for your child. They view your child as a person and really work hard to know your child. They are all playful and the pediatrician did not mind at all that my son wanted to sit on her lap so that he could play with her necklace. She actually let him sit on her lap for a long time and cuddled and rocked him to sleep while she talked to us! The best part is that they will advocate for your child! They were aghast at how difficult it has been to get my son speech therapy and told me they would contact all the responsible parties. They also wanted to know what baby boy's lawyer that the good people of our state are paying had done to ensure that baby boy is getting all the services he needs. The doctor even called me the following day with a possible workaround – referring my son to a day program where they provide early intervention services which would include speech therapy. We will have to think this one through though – it is a mental health program and the children they serve seem to have significant mental health issues. My husband is worried about our son getting labeled and we would really love to keep our son at home during the day instead of in a program. The bonding with him has been great and we do not want to jeopardize this – plus we would be separating the twins and he may get anxious about this. We feel very hopeful about something working out soon with speech therapy. This visit was very good and it laid some of my fears to rest – auditory processing and/or neural development issues and/or autism. The doctor felt the speech delays were simply a result of less than ideal environments both in utero and the first 8 months of baby boy’s life. A huge sigh of relief and a lot of gratefulness for extraordinary medical professionals who go the extra mile. Also can't fail to thank the extra ordinary public health nurse who coordinates baby boy’s medical care. She has a caseload of 400 kids, but yet she treats each one like they are her only patient. She shows real empathy, does a lot of outside the box thinking looking for resources outside the “government plan” and really advocates for “her” kids. She totally makes up for all the apathetic government employees and works hard to redeem our reputation! Baby boy also has had three emergency room visits related to his asthma. The care there has been extraordinary, the nurses and doctors are not only warm and caring to the patient, but also offer mom and dad warm blankets and drinks during the wait and keep us informed about what is going on! The last time we got quite the royal treatment – 9 medical personnel within 3 minutes of our arrival were working on baby boy and several had their phones out calling for more personnel – we were clueless and just thought it was a slow night! Turns out his O2 saturation was 70% per a faulty triage nurse’s pulse oxitometer. Once he was hooked up to a different machine and the all clear was given, our local sheriff’s department showed what real heroes are made of - they protected our delicate sensiblities by sternly warning a patient against using foul language as a child and lady were within hearing distance! Chivalry is still alive and well! So thankful to live in a country with great medical care where we have the luxury to complain about the time it takes to see countless medical experts whereas many mothers around the world don’t have access to even basic immunizations for their children.

All in all baby boy is doing great and he just can not resist the temptation to play with the ornaments on the Christmas tree. We have gates everywhere, but he seems to find just that perfect moment when we let our guard down. It has been awhile since we have had little hands not able to resist the temptation of taking down the ornaments and it is really just such a blessed feeling. I love me this baby boy and oh how baby boy loves his momma. He screams with pure joy as soon as I come through the door and he sure knows how to brighten up my day. Even when he gets into trouble, he still smiles at mommy through the tears and will hug me to make everything okay.

Falling Through The Cracks..........

2009-11-03T10:23:00.000-08:00

When we made the decision to adopt, I made a promise to my children to be their biggest advocate. And by golly, do I try. I research, I ask questions, I seek out professionals and follow their recommendations to a t. But, it seems like the professionals never got my memo about advocating for my children! It has taken me three months to get a letter stating that my son’s health insurance does not cover speech therapy so that the Regional Center that provides speech, occupational and physical therapy services for children 0-3 yrs can start providing services. My son’s state funded health insurance plan advised speech therapy was not a covered benefit, but it was not their policy to provide such a letter – but the Regional Center could not provide the services without said letter. I called the big guns to break the impasse – my son’s social worker, who sought the assistance of her supervisor, the children’s case manager at the Regional Center and the county’s public health nurse. I even offered to draft the letter and have them just copy it to their letterhead, but on no – that was too outside the box thinking for a government employee (I have license to make fun of govt employees seeing I am one of them). When I implored the top dog – the manager of the “customer service” unit of the health plan to help with said letter and I told her about the 10 different calls in two months to get it, she huffily said my son was just one of 65,000 members the plan served and it was not like he had had a stroke and needed speech therapy! Obvious why the customer service skills of her underlings is less than stellar! Wonder what she would say if she headed the customer service unit of my private health insurance which covers more than a million members in my state alone! For all our efforts, I finally got a letter stating that yes indeed – the insurance plan did cover speech therapy, but my son would have to re-evaluated by their speech therapist! Back to HOME. Three months after the battle begun, baby boy has another evaluation this week, but wait – we were warned to temper any high hopes that speech therapy would commence soon – the agency they contract with for speech therapy advised that they have a long waiting list and sometimes it can take two to three years for a slot to open up!!!! A far cry from the Regional Center where the Speech therapist only had one other client and we pretty much had our choice of time slots. Okay, one step at a time......

Speech therapy aside, baby boy also needs to see a developmental pediatrician. This is obvious from observations by this advocating mama and scary confirmations by his early intervention specialist. I about checked myself into a psychiatric ward after calling his pediatrician’s office weekly for a month trying to speak to the pediatrician to see if our concerns were warranted and if they were, for advise on our next course of action. The pediatrician’s “gatekeeper” would always insist that I had never called with this concern and that it was the first time she was hearing about it! I thought I was losing my mind – it is one thing to hear voices, but to actually be having conversations and vividly remember them, but the other person insists that you have never had such conversations??? Scary. Anyway, I started journaling the date, time and who I spoke with and reading my notes back to her during my once a week follow-up call before the “gatekeeper’s” memory was jogged. Phew! After two months, I never got to see or speak to the pediatrician –the gatekeeper said he is a very busy doctor (which I believe since he had to be woken up from a deep sleep last week when we went in as my son was having an asthma attack). But, the pediatrician had a good solution – I could write a letter with my observations and the observations of the early intervention specialist and he would read the letter in between patients! And I thought pen-pals was so yesterday. Anyway, I asked if he could review the notes that his “gatekeeper” had written down and give me his feedback and would you not know it – we immediately got a referral to the children’s hospital for baby boy to see a developmental pediatrician! But have no fear mama, baby boy will settle the scores for you. Last week when we had a medical emergency, my super sweet, gentle, cuddly baby boy who can never hurt a fly turned into Hercules and pummeled his pediatrician when he was trying to examine him! I know baby boy is attached to his mama, but putting the pediatrician in a headlock, knocking him in the eye and trying to jump off the exam table so that he can go into mama’s arms? He must have sensed mama’s displeasure at how hard it has been to get him the help he needs. Now if only the developmental pediatrician’s office can figure out which clinic we need to see her at – she practices at two different clinics at the same children’s hospital - one is a high risk follow-up clinic due to baby boy’s pre-maturity or a developmental clinic (neural, auditory, and processing concerns). They called me last week and told me they would call me back this week once they figure it out! Maybe we can toss a coin? I mean, it is at the same hospital and the same doctor? We are even willing to meet in the middle-on the hallways between both clinics – please just help baby boy!

Even with all the hours I have spent trying to advocate for him, we are still not getting the services he needs. How easy is would it be for foster care parents to give up when trying to deal with an unwieldly system that puts bureaucracy over the needs of the children?

Six Months Later - My Girls!

2009-09-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

Baby girl 1 is better known as around here as Miss Sunshine. Nothing fazes her – she gets an ouchie and smiles in between the tears! She is all tom-boy while at the same time very girly! She is a fearless girl and wants to climb up on couches, beds or any high surfaces and it is not unheard of for her to try to jump down. This girl will take on the world! She has never met someone who is not a friend! She smiles and giggles, tells us long, long stories (if only we understood baby babble) and loves to read! She is just as happy playing with Big brother’s trains and tumbling with him as she is playing with her dolls or playing dress up. She does not have much time to sit and cuddle – there is just too much to explore out there! She does let mommy enjoy some special mommy/daughter time when she very patiently lets me fix her hair. We worried if she was really attached because she just loved anyone who smiled at her – she could as happily have walked away with the milkman - if we had one :) - but I think that is just her personality. She has now started crying if mommy and daddy leave her with someone else and that makes this mommy happy! She is a social butterfly and I think she will be a politician! She is skipping saying single words and is speaking in two word sentences and her favorite right now is “what’s that?” as she points to everything. She is very curious and nothing passes her by! She loves her baby sister, loves making her laugh and is oh so gentle with her. She loves helping with her bottle. She likes to make everyone laugh and always has a goofy expression to make you laugh and a permanent smile. She loves her food and can eat anything with her eight teeth! But, she will let you know if something does not meet her expectations – she will hold food in her mouth for ages and will not spit it out or swallow it if she does not like it! She is potty training and if only mommy and daddy were more consistent, she would already be a pro. She is so proud of herself! She is a smart little cookie and copies everything someone does! She can operate the remote, radio and just about everything else we would let her! She is such a wonderful child and such a joy to parent.

Baby Girl 2 – Oh my baby girl. At seven months, she has been home three months and is just the world’s best and happiest baby. She personifies an easy baby – her needs are very predictable and sleep time is a breeze – all she asks is to be put in her bed during her nap and bedtime and for one to then leave the room. She coos to herself and falls asleep within minutes. She sleeps through the night, eats like a champ and will get early wrinkles from smiling so much! She loves showing off her adorable dimples! She is very curious and could spend hours sitting on her bouncy chair watching her siblings play or looking outside. She had wanted to eat food for so long and the expression on her face when she had her first bite? Priceless! She quickly figured baby food is not all its cracked up to be! She still smacks her lips when she sees us eat – I think she knows it has to be better than her baby food! She loves watching her siblings play and is totally fascinated by her big brother – I think she likes goof balls – she follows him with her gaze and laughs and laughs whenever he makes eye contact! She is babbling like crazy, imitating some sounds and trying oh so hard to crawl. She does get from place to place by squirming and it is quite funny! She loves playing with people’s faces and looking at herself in the mirror! If she is not sleepy, she likes cuddling with mommy and lets me tickle her and inhale her sweet baby smell! She like the twins, has adorable rolls of baby fat and is a chunky hunk of love at 20 lbs. She totally personifies joy and in retrospect, we should have picked this name!

Six Months Later - My Boys!

2009-09-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

Big brother continues to just love on his new siblings – he must be really attached because he no longer treats them like delicate porcelain! Now he tumbles and rolls with them like he does with his five year old friends and I have to remind him they are only 19 months old. Baby girl does not care – she tumbles with the best of them, picks herself up, laughs and goes back for more! Baby boy is more fragile and runs off and keeps his distance from the tornado! Big brother loves kindergarten, is a good helper at school, a kind friend and a teacher’s dream student (per his teacher who gives him “Super Bee” to take home with him on many occasions). He also introduces me to the wonderful world of super competitive parents. On back to school night, after only 1 ½ weeks of school, parents complaining that their children had not yet had Super Bee (a stuffed toy lent to kids caught being kind, careful and helpful) come visit. Twenty students in the class and 10 days into the school year, parents were already vying for first digs at the stuffed toy? He loves soccer and is a natural though he is quite clueless that he is actually pretty good! He scores goals every game, but like all his other friends on his team, he is more interested in the mud puddles and trying to catch crab in a creek with 2 inches of water! Too funny watching six boys fashioning fishing rods with sticks and string and convincing themselves that today is the day they will catch crab (all while they are supposed to be practicing for a soccer game the following day). As much as I love to watch him play, I get just as much amusement watching the dads (and some moms) on coaching from the sidelines during their matches (and all using their outside voices). Boys being boys are only interested in catching grasshoppers or figuring out which mom brought snacks for the team and what the snack is! They just want to have fun and couldn't care much about which team won - unlike their parents! Big brother currently loves all things science and is particularly fascinated by Astronomy. I am having to read up on things I learnt so long ago! He also loves nature and is gentle with all creatures, loves learning names of different birds and loves the church's garden. We are currently reading some books from Institute of Creation Research and he is in heaven! He begs for a pet rat and a dog or cat is a very poor substitute. Mommy is terrified of rats - so he will have to settle for gold fish. He also continues to be a good helper at home and constantly tries to give me a heart attack! He keeps us on our toes – he will not let his 7 month old baby sister cry and has carried her downstairs on several occasions when she woke up and mommy was not fast enough in picking her up! He has also gotten a step stool and fixed her a bottle as well as made waffles for the twins because daddy was not fast enough in getting their lunch! He is impish, cheeky, playful, loving, helpful and kind! All boy mixed in with a very gentle heart – he will be a good husband.

At 19 months old - Baby boy is still my cuddle bug! He has a million dollar smile that melts everyone’s heart and lets me cuddle him all the time! He is very attached and has a hard time when he does not have us in his line of vision during the day or when we leave him for a short time with family. He is playful, joyful, loving and gives the best wet slobbery kisses. He has finally found his voice and does not let his twin sister walk all over him by taking his toys. He loves playing peek-a-boo, cars, and is gentle, compassionate (hates seeing anyone’s tears), laughs easily and we can tickle him all day just to hear his incredible laugh! He has such a sweet disposition and even when cutting eight new teeth to add to his eight, he still smiles. He loves his big brother and likes sharing a room with him. Too cute hearing them "talk" in the dark. He knows a lot of sign language, though he does not initiate it – he just does the sign when you say the word! This past week, he added three more words to his previous one word vocabulary. Progress! And he has not yet even started speech therapy. I was thinking that it was cute that baby girl was mothering him by stepping in the gap to help him with things that we were aksing him to do – like picking up a ball or a cup. I felt like my world stopped when I realized that there might be some processing issues. He understands the different words in a sentence, but cannot put them together for a full command. He only responds to one word commands. Nothing worse than wishing you are wrong, but getting confirmation from the early intervention specialist that I am not overacting or losing my mind. So, we soldier on as we advocate for him and fight to get him to see a developmental pediatrician. There is a 6 month waiting list at the Children’s hospital – though everyone is trying to pass the buck re: whose responsibility it is to pay for the care – the Regional Center, the insurance or his pediatrician’s medical group! My head spins trying to untangle it all! Boy, do I love this child!

Boy are boys fun to parent! I wish more people would be open to adopting boys.

My kids have it in for me!

2009-09-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago, we had an assessment with a pediatric physical therapist to see if our little guy qualified for physical therapy. He had just started walking and his gait was odd and his torticollis (twisted neck in which the head is tipped to one side, while the chin is turned to the other side) which comes and goes had been evident for a week and was more pronounced. Nothing sadder than seeing a little one wobbling as he tries to walk and his neck permanently bent at an almost 90 degree angle. But would you not know it- he decided to show off for the pediatric physical therapist and straightened his neck and became more stable walking the very morning she was coming! Talk about feeling like a mother crying wolf! Thank goodness the early interventionist he sees had noted the same issues! His motor delays were at 30% and they needed a 33% delay before he could qualify for services. And true to form, as soon as the therapist left, his neck immediately went back to 90 degree angle! My children have it in for me – they will be very ill and lethargic at home forcing me to make frantic calls so that they can be seen by their pediatricians asap. And on several occasions, once we get there, they perk up and play with the doctor like they have just had a shot of pure cane juice in their veins! I am left wondering if the smile on the doctor's face as we leave means they are trying to figure out if I have Munchausen by Proxy!

So needless to say, I was a bit nervous when we had an assessment for speech therapy for the twins about a month ago. On the one hand, I am like every mother wanting to show off all that her children can do, but on the other hand, assessment time is not the time for my kids to show off to the specialists all the skills they will not show me when I am with them at home! It would be perfect if they would do a repeat performance once the specialists leave so that I am not left knowing that they need some intervention services, but I have no way to prove it! This time, Baby girl duplicated her brother’s earlier award winning performance during his physical therapy assessment and for her speech therapy assesement, said one word too many showing only a 30% delay in speech! So, no speech therapy services for her (that pesky 33% number)! But baby boy more than made up for his last performance and for his sister showing off and redeemed mommy’s reputation (can’t go around having people thinking I am crying wolf). He winked at me, merrily babbled during the speech therapy assessment and said not a single word! He did show off a little sign language, but that was about it. Way to go, my boy! Yippee, we qualify for speech therapy services for him! Now, if only we can figure out how to navigate our County’s public health insurance maze! Once I gather my thoughts, I will expound on the inner workings of a government run health insurance plan!

A dog or a Child?

2009-09-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma! You want to enjoy the hospitality offered by our penal institutions for a longer time and you are wondering what to do to ensure a longer stay. Before you is the choice to harm a child or a dog. To ensure a longer stay, choose the dog! Because that my friends is the value American society places on her children. Get convicted of extreme cruelty and torture of a child and you get a year’s sentence. But wait, you already spent 247 days in jail pending your hearing since you could not post bail and with a lot of apologies, you are released because you get credit for time served. Because a year according to the wonderful mathematicians working for our criminal justice system is really only 180 days (they count a day and night as two days)! The “hardworking” prosecutor takes works "real hard” to ensure justice is served by giving you a plea bargain even though the evidence against you is compelling and any jury could have convicted you on more counts ensuring you serve more jail time. I mean, who wants to clog our courts' calendar with pesky matters like child abuse and torture? But wait, maybe the prosecutor knows something you and I don’t – perhaps the jury would have been anxious to get over with the trial to attend to more serious matters than to seek justice for a child without a face or a voice. And boo hoo, you don’t even get a notable mention in the local papers or get your fifteen minutes of fame from your local T.V stations even though the story could have been sensational based on the degree of abuse and torture. And outrage from anyone hearing your story? Are you kidding? In between talking about the heart warming news story of the cat that was rescued by a fire fighter from a tree, the deep ponderings of who will win America’s Got Talent and outrage over Kanye West’s conduct on an awards show, your story is only but a small distraction to what is really important. If on the other hand you get involved in a dog fighting ring, you get more than your fifteen minutes of fame as your story gets covered ad nauseam and generates unprecedented hatred and public outrage. You get severely admonished by the judge as you are sentenced to two years in jail and serve 18 months of your time. You get to spend the rest of your life under the public microscope apologizing and trying to make amends and become PETA’s rallying call. Still trying to contact Pamela Anderson to organize a match to protest cruelty against children and the injustice of the criminal system as the child’s case in point happened in her neighborhood.

Stay at home baby daddy.

2009-08-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, we survived my husband's first full day of his foray into the land of stay at home dads (albeit only for a couple of months). Only one phonecall to inquire where towels were - at least it was not asking where the kids were! Survival tips for all the ladies brave enough to let your husband be the stay at home dad to four children 5 years and under:

~upon your return home at the end of the day, to keep your BP in check -do not look down for any reason. Instead enjoy the super excited children who think it is Christmas - I mean every kid just loves letting their imaginations go wild as they make obstacle courses for Mommy with anything that is movable in the house! Ignore the guilty look on hubby's face as he tries to make a path for you to get into the house! Instead laugh inwardly at his feeble efforts to prioritize as he tries to figure out which obstacles create more of a safety hazard!

~ Do not for any reason fail to leave clothes out for the dear children -though it creates great comedic relief at the end of the day seeing children dressed by a color challenged father, the children might find it so yesterday being the subject of tear-inducing, side-holding laughter from mommy and the other moms as he goes to pick up their kindergarten-going brother.

~Oh so enjoy the look of utter confusion on husband's face when you ask him what is for dinner after a ten hour stint with said children. I mean, you were home all day, can't a girl get a three course meal? :) And take advantage of your husband's greater appreciation for you and accept that offer to get you a present for no apparent reason!

~Give up the need to know what and how often a child was fed - you will most likely be met with a mumbled "I don't remember" as his wheels start turning trying to remember if said child was fed! Phew for children who will not let a meal time go by without letting you know about it!

~ Do not let your one-child friend whose wife wants more children know that daddy is the new stay at home parent. The priceless look on his face upon it dawning on him that he might one day be left alone with more than one child! Worked better than any contraceptive as he resolved they are only having the one child! They have a sweet one-year old and he nearly gets a heart attack worrying that she might hurt herself when he has to watch her for a little while if her mommy needs to go somewhere.

All in all, it was a good day for daddy and the kids. They adore him and he is tireless when it comes to playing and goofing around with the kids. Part of my panhandling proceeds might get invested in some knee pads - playing horsie for hours with three kids might wear out the old knees!

My "real" son.......

2009-08-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

Isn’t reality a funny thing? I spent the last couple of weeks semi-paralyzed with fear and worry until the sudden realization that that had not changed a thing (except leading me to my new career as the panhandling mom :). Not sure how that would look in court as we try to convince the powers that be that we are capable of raising our children and their interests are best served by being with us). Being so powerless to do anything about “our news”, I irrationally felt that I was busy doing something about “the news” when I was consumed with fear and worry. Now that I am not spending my time in tears or bent over a toilet bowl - maybe I should continue with this one - it was doing wonders to my weight loss aspirations :) - I can get back to the business of enjoying the present!

Like excitedly preparing my “real” son for his first day of kindergarten. Seriously, when asking about my children, someone asked me how my real son was doing!!!!!!! That was before she asked me if I intend to have more children of my own?????? Okay, please tell me every mother with four children ages five and under gets this question? I was able to jokingly say I could not answer her question about my “real” son since I did not have any fake ones so I was not sure who she was referring to. That did not deter her from asking the second question, but again I was able to jokingly ask her if she would have asked me the same question about my procreation plans if I had four bio children. At least I got a nervous laugh from her with my response! I did not even get excited enough to start doing my mad dance after the ridiculous questions. Because in the grand scheme of things when you are willing to give up everything and then some to protect your “fake” children, and afraid that you might lose them, what are a few ~~stupid~~ ignorant questions about the worth and value of adopted children.

My baby is not a baby anymore! He will not take his perfectly good “Thomas The Train” backpack to kindergarten. Instead he wants his daddy’s way too big backpack! I being the practical mom that I am, was going to remind him how much he loves his “Thomas The Train” backpack because daddy's backpack just would not work. But I thank God for a husband with forward thinking and who wants to save us the expense of future therapy - dh remembers being five and not wanting to stand out by being the baby of the five year old gang! So today we go shopping for an appropriate backpack for an oh so grown up five year old who also starts soccer today! All that before I pack up my troopers to enjoy our second camping trip this Summer. I want to preserve the memories from this stage – last month when we all went camping, everyone kept raving how joyful and well behaved my children were. They really enjoyed camping and just went with the flow with millions of laughs and giggles and not one whimper about having to be sleep in a tent. Who, you ask goes camp tenting with a five year old, two one year olds and a five month old. Me! Because I will need these sweet, sweet memories next year to tide me over when we hit the terrible twos (x2) with a younger child just a year later to keep me on my toes!

Off to a Faraway Island......

2009-08-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

Or not! I have been dreaming nightly that I have taken the children to a far off uninhabited Island and we rough it until they are 18 years old. After which we return home and I am promptly handcuffed and led away! Not pretty, but I think worth the cost to protect my children.

Everything is out of my control and I need to get done with the uncontrollable crying that seizes me at odd moments - i.e. in the middle of a trip to the store, at work, talking to a stranger or while reading a book. I have read a lot of case law in the last week regarding the appeals process and I have not been reassured.

Bio mom and dad are enjoying our State's hospitality in some of our fine penal institutions after almost killing one child and leaving permanent evidence of physical abuse and neglect on our children. The taxpayers are sparing no expense to ensure they get good representation and they are being represented by attorneys from some of our finest law schools. Our county is sparing every expense to ensure the victims in this case (our children) are represented by a "fine" attorney who is in private practice (but who is paid by the county with taxpayer dollars) and who has had his license suspended in the past for professional misconduct. The attorney representing the county also was served with the appeal motion, but for two months, it never occured to him that the children's social worker and the children's parents had a right to know that an appeal had been filed. Our social worker also failed to verify if an appeal had been filed (public information) before reassuring us that all was good and dandy and we should sign paperwork to proceed with the finalization in October. In order to ensure that the best interests of the children are protected and to keep us in the loop - a family law attorney paid for by us out of pocket at $300 per hour! So when you see a mother on a street corner with four children in tow holding out a tin cup, please be merciful - we will be panhandling for attorney fees! Per the family law attorney, we cannot have representation during the appeals process. However, we will get our status changed to de facto parents next month so that we are entitled to get court reports.

To say we feel totally helpless is an understatement. But, that is also the place where God will show His faithfulness, because in this matter, we are totally dependent upon him. How do you advocate when you do not have a voice and the people who supposedly speak for the children have been less than stellar! All in His capable hands!

Noooooo!

2009-08-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

Head reeling, heart pounding, feeling faint, and sick to my stomach! Describes just a little of how I feel tonight. As of this morning, we were all gearing up for the twins' October adoption finalization. As of this afternoon, we got totally broadsided when I called my social worker on an unrelated matter. Oh so matter of factly she told me that she had some news - bio mom filed an appeal and it could take a year to get a hearing! The appeal was filed two months ago, but somehow they forgot to mention this to us! I was trying to hold myself together during the phone call and all I could think about was that I needed to get off to phone fast so that I could run to the bathroom and throw up.

This was the adoption that was 99% risk free (and 99% simply because the social worker could not say 100%, but she repeatedly reassured us that it was the most risk free adoption she had dealt with). Tonight I hold my babies tighter and love on them like crazy while trying not to cry. The social worker assured me that bio mom can only appeal the process, but not the decision to terminate parental rights. Somehow, I am not reassured - how could anyone have missed that important piece of info i.e. that there was an appeal filed and that we needed to know. Hopefully tomorrow, my mind will have cleared a bit, I will not be so overcome with fear, and I will be feeling less sick. Tonight though, I am broken, silently screaming and clinging to my Lord.

Its All How You Look at It!

2009-07-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

To me, Baby girl (2) looks average at 17 ½ pounds (though she is at the 95th percentile for weight and height). However, I visited my neighbor who has a one week baby born at 5 pounds and when I came back home, my baby looked like a giant!

I look at my four kids and I am so thankful to God for entrusting them in our care and can’t get over how blessed we truly are. We go to a barbecue and a family member who has not met our newest three (though the twins have been home for five months and we only live 1 ½ hours away) is amazed at how large our family has become and empathizes with us at the burden of having so “many” children and is sorry for us for the exponentially increased grocery bills! I had not actually thought if our food bill had increased – I guess that is food for thought for another day:)! But, it is hard to compare an increased food bill with the joys and blessings children bring. Oh that our society would begin to look at children as the blessings from God that they really are, and not an inconvenience that interfere with our food budgets, vacations or having time for ourselves. I could choose to focus on the few friends and family who have not acknowledged our new children - no card, no call inquiring how they are doing, no visits. Or I could choose to continue being on my knees thanking God for the countless others who have embraced our children and who are as excited about the wonderful blessings God has placed in our lives.

My fearless 17 month old daughter sits on a bench, falls on her face on the grass, thinks it is hilarious, picks herself up, brushes off her clothes and runs off giggling! I look on amused thinking what a brave and fearless girl I have and how far I have come four children later that I no longer get into a panic everytime a child falls. Hard to maintain panic when the same thing happens countless times a day! Two family members at the same barbecue later loudly "whisper" to each other insinuating how irresponsible I am for letting a young child sit alone on a bench (next to an adult).

After another night of baby girl keeping me awake, but still thankful to God that after only about four hours of sleep, I still wake up joyful and rejuvenated, a co-worker asks me who the real parents of my adopted children are! Whereas a few months ago I would have been offended and at a loss for words, I can now joyfully explain that the real dad is at home with the children and the real mom is standing right next to the co-worker speaking to her! All done with a real smile and the perplexed smile on my co-workers face is priceless!

I am consumed with the plight of the fatherless and continually wonder how God can use me now that my eyes have been opened. At least weekly, people tell me how special I am for adopting 3 children in one year. I can never get an appropriate response – we are a very ordinary family answering God’s call to care for the fatherless and we feel totally inadequate. However, we are humbled that the Lord God of the universe is growing and expanding us spiritually and has always supplied all our needs. My perspective has changed, I am now clear about whether 30 pairs of shoes are a need or a want!

ObamaCare!

2009-07-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

We still can't get the children on our health insurance plan until the adoptions are finalized and they are currently covered on our State's health care plan. We can sign them up with a pediatrician in a private practice who agrees to bill the State Health Insurance plan. However, both times we took the twins to a private practice that takes the state plan, I was paranoid because the nurses and pediatrician did not wash their hands before or after examining the children. And the pediatrician loves putting his fingers in the children's mouthes when he is playing with them! So, I was not taking the infant to him! Instead, I took Baby Girl (2) to a pediatrician at a public health clinic and boy! All, I could think of was this is what our health care will look like in a few years! Now, don't for a minute think I don't have empathy for the millions of unisured Americans. I have a pretty decent understanding of the shortcomings of our current health care system having mastered in healthcare administration. I am the first one who will argue for the need for reform to stem the unsustainable cost increases, the waste, inequities in acces to care, inefficiencies, etc. However, if reform looks like the kind of care I received - I don't know. I went to the pediatric clinic and went to the reception and patiently waited my turn. A clerk realized I must not have known the ropes since I was supposed to take a piece of paper and stamp my arrival time. He kindly asked me if I needed something! Okay, lady carrying a child into a pediatrician building and waiting at the reception desk, and do I need something? No hellos here, just a very brusque clerk signing you in. All this from a person wearing a badge stating they had won an award for customer service excellence! Hate to imagine what the "non-reciepients" of such awards do! When he realized I was not on public assistance (since I had to show legal paperwork authorising me to get medical attention for my child), suddenly his demeanor changed and he explained all the intricacies of the clinic! I find this totally shameful since everyone should be treated with dignity and respect whether or not you are receiving public assistance! Anyways, I was sent on my way to the pediatrician's office which happened to be upstairs and you had to carry an infant in a carseat up an uncovered stairwell in 100 degree weather (not sure why they don't use the numerous empty offices on the same floor as the reception). Once upstairs, you again have to figure where to put the mountains of paperwork you are given downstairs before waiting in a closed off waiting room (almost feel as though you have made a visit to a jail). The nurse then unlocks the doors and calls you in, and that is the last time she acknowledges your child is a person. No smile, just business. I did not earn alot of marks for using disinfectant wipes to clean the exam table and tape measure which were coated with dirt. The nurse rolled her eyes and said she did not know why I was cleaning it since she always cleaned it after every patient. However, the amount of filth on the wipes after the cleaning clearly told both of us, they had not seen any cleaning in years! Nice for the next patient because the nurse huffily wiped off everything after examing my daughter :)! The pediatrician was really nice and took his time to answer questions. That was the main redeeming factor of the visit. Of course I had to ask about such things as weight and height apparently since they do not share such info with parents! The wisdom of the powers that be at the public health clinic then make you go back to the waitingroom to wait for the nurse who will give your child their shots. Off again to the waitingroom, before being shephered into another room by a different nurse who would not even crack a smile to my supper smiley girl. Instead she jabbed her twice, turned around and started surfing the web! Everyone seemed apathetic (except the pediatrician) and really why should they care? They work for the public health dept and it would take an act of congress to get them fired for poor customer service. Is this where we are headed? The whole time I was thinking that this is what we can anticipate in a few years if Obama's healthcare "reform" passes.

To say I am scared of what our health care will be is understatement. In between raising a supper active 5 year old, 17 month old twins who recently begun walking and are currently exploring everything and oh yeah, raising an infant, I will make time to read the 1,000 page bill that most of our lawmakers will not read and which the supporters argue must be passed now! Hopefully, I will find things in there that will allay my fears. But in the meanwhile, I will remember to be grateful for my current private health insurance coverage and remember to thank my providers for the excellent care they provide my oldest, husband and myself - they really practice patient centered care.

Oh, This Grateful Heart!

2009-07-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

Grateful for a five year old son with a giving heart who has embraced all the changes that we have thrown his way. He has totally bonded with his siblings and has had no problems sharing his mommy, daddy, toys and his trains! He has also been very good humored about having mommy or daddy delay meeting his “needs” since he has three younger siblings who are more vocal about getting their needs met right now! None of our concerns and those of others have materialized re: how he would cope with all the changes. It is amazing how many times we are asked how the oldest is doing with the addition of three new siblings in the last 4 months! Everyone always assumes that he will have jealousy issues and many have anecdotal tales of how their “friends” children reacted when they got new siblings. But, God has been good and he could not be more bonded – he loves, loves, loves his siblings. He did not even want to go with his cousin to visit his granddad that he loves when he realized his siblings would not be going. He even cried pitifully, saying he would really miss his brother! The look on his face when we told him his brother could join him was priceless! He took the role of big brother very seriously telling his granddad and cousin what his brother liked and did not like and what he could or could not eat!

Thankful for a few wonderful days in Disneyland to celebrate big brother’s fifth birthday! Oh how magical it is to experience Disney through the eyes of a child! We had a great time and loved every moment of it! We were also blessed with family that blessed us with discounted tickets. As much as big brother had prayed to go to Disneyland and had faithfully picked up every penny he saw so that he could help mommy buy a ticket to Disneyland, he was dismayed that his siblings would not be going to the park and almost decided he did not want to go. He campaigned really hard for them to join us meeting our protestations that they would miss their nap times and be cranky with the wisdom of a five year old, telling us they could sleep in their strollers. As much fun as he was having, the siblings were not far from his mind – he always saw things in the Disney stores that he said would make his siblings very happy! When we explained the inflated prices, he joyfully said we could use his money that he had been saving for ages to buy a train ticket! The boy loves trains, so that is a sacrifice! Oh what we could learn about sacrificial giving from a five year old. Really thankful for a sister who joyfully took care of three children at short notice. And had fun taking care of two 1-year olds and an infant who was not sleeping through the night. Thankful that my sister had a weight loss breakthrough – she has been dieting and exercising without visible results. Three days with the children and she lost almost 3 pounds!

Thankful that five years later, I am having sleepless nights thanks to an infant who decides she needs to remind me of her presence every single hour of the night – and all without me complaining! The bags under my eyes might tell a different story, but God has given me strength that I still feel renewed, even with my interrupted sleep. Thankful for the realization that children are indeed a blessing from God. Sometimes we are so caught up with how society views children – that they are a lot of work that we forget what precious blessings they are. As crazy as it is, it seems to be less “work” having four children as when I only had one. They play so well together freeing me to do some actual work, as opposed to when I was my son’s permanent playmate. Of course the fact that the children are so joyful and easy babies makes things easier. I have been wondering if our view of parenthood as “hard-work” is indeed based on our mindset. My parents had very many small children and never once did I hear them complain about how difficult raising children was. I am sure, I will be re-reading this when I have four teenagers and laughing at how naïve I was! But for now, I will enjoy my naïveté and my babies! 

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T21:16:00.007-07:00

What do you say to a guy who last father's day was daddy to one and this year is daddy to four? What do you say to a guy who totally gets adoption and actually encourages me that yes indeed, we are up to the challenge of adopting yet another precious child? What do you say to a guy who holds my hands and calmly says everthing will work out okay when financially it makes no sense how we will manage? The very same guy who will not let on to me how nervous he is so that I don't second guess what he knows is our calling, but instead will make himself vulnerable and seek others with whom he can share his nervousness and request for prayers? What do you tell a guy who works long hours in a high stress job he does not like so that he can provide for his family? What do you say to a guy who is goofy and fun and whose children think the world of him? A guy who will sneak in some fun stuff (and junk) creating special memories for his children? What to say to a guy who is striving to raise up his children in the ways of the Lord and will take a five year old to the park to discuss Christ and salvation when the five year old expresses that he wants Jesus in his heart. And same guy will be able to tell the salvation story in a way a five year old gets it! I don't know what to tell such a guy on father's day except I hit the jackpot when the Lord choose me as his wife.

It seems appropriate that on Father's day that I stand in awe of my heavenly Father. Two weeks ago, we welcomed the fourth child into her forever family. Baby girl came with a small plastic container of clothes and a voracious appetite. We are going through formula and diapers like crazy and I was a bit nervous because I had not been working, so things were very tight financially. However, our God is an amazing God and His timing never ceases to amaze me. With little forewarning about baby girl's arrival, my sister called the family and her friends and organized a welcome home party for baby girl. With only about a week's notice, yesterday more than 30 people showed up in my house and all I had to do was be there! Everyone brought tons of delicious food and we had a wonderful time of fellowship. We talked, sang, and heard a wonderful message from my sister's friend on parenting. Even after sending people off with doggie bags, our fridge is full of supper yummy leftovers. Even more overwhelming is the sacrifice everyone made. Almost everyone decided not to buy gifts and instead, gave us cash. I went to bed last night crying with joy and simply overwhelmed at how timely the gifts were and how generous everyone was. My husband was in awe and is still speechless today and that is saying something! Today, he celebrates Father's Day with a lighter burden knowing that friends and family all came together and very unexpectedly blessed us with almost $2,000! And I had not even shared with a soul how tight things were – so please don’t tell me this is just a coincidence and not God’s providence! We also got lots of diapers and clothes! And not just any clothes, but clothes from stores that mommy loves, but just can't justify/afford to shop at right now - Gymboree and The Children's Place. Oh, that I would always remember how faithful my savior is and never hesitate to be his hands and feet to bless others as we have been blessed. The Lord is good indeed!

His Perfect Timing!

2009-06-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Fact: Sunday, May 17, 2009, we knew we had to move out by Saturday, May 23, 2009 to prepare our condo for our tenants who were moving in from out of town May 30, 2009. We needed to take advantage of all the willing hands available on the weekend to help us pack. But, some problem: we did not have a place to move into yet! Unlike my normal self, totally okay with the unpredictability of our situation making my husband kinda nervous at how calm and relaxed I was.

Fact: Monday, May 18, 2009, in the afternoon, saw a place we liked. Tired of looking at places and not wanting to get our hopes up too high!

Fact: Tuesday, May 19, 2009, got a call from the listing agent at the management company inquiring if we were interested in the place. Also got a call from the owner of the management company requesting that we deal directly with him once we identified a place we liked. This was something since the management company manages more than 600 properties, so in the grand scheme of things, he could very easily have brushed us off. I had gently expressed my displeasure at being strung along for three weeks on a place which the management company knew the owner was not willing to install the AC unit (which was a deal breaker for us). Additionally, the listing agent had been less than enthusiastic in describing the new place when I had called to inquire if there were any other listings that fit our criteria and we had almost skipped looking at the place. We said we liked the place, and by afternoon, they had checked out our suitability as renters and found us worthy and the lease ready to be signed that afternoon! Hubby was not available and that day, so we scheduled to meet the next day. Niece arrived from the Midwest and it became even more paramount that we get a place to stay!

Fact: Wednesday, May 20, 2009, my supper organized friend came over bringing tons of boxes and helped box things along with my supper organized and helpful niece. Signed lease, got keys, went by the place and fell in love with the place all over again!

Fact: Thursday, May 21, 2009, moved in all our kitchen things, organized the kitchen, locked myself out and met my neighbor who let into her house to wait for my husband. Hubby called friends and family requesting help in moving.

Fact: Friday, May 22, 2009, day of total gratitude at just how things had fallen into place.

Fact: Saturday, May 23, 2009, had lots of help and total moving lasted about 3 hours. Easiest move any of us had ever had! Totally stress free and actually quite fun! Maybe leaving everything in God’s hands is the cure for stress?

Fact: Sunday, May 24, 2009, found out just how many people were praying that we would get a place ASAP!

Fact: could not have found a better place! We love it, it is spacious and the neighbors are amazing. Children play outside unsupervised and the neighborhood kids have even come by to get my oldest to go play with them, the neighbors are very friendly and have come by to introduce themselves (and in California no less where people prize their privacy over real human relationships) and I even met a home schooling mom who invited me over to her place. I love that God sees the whole picture which my finite mind cannot see! He had the perfect place for us and we can only shout Hallelujah!

Should I Be Panicking?

2009-05-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

As of today, we have renters who move in at the end of the month and we are of the mindset that we will have moved out in a week's time so that we can prepare our place for the new renters. Also as of today, we do not know where we will be moving to! We have been strung (sp?) along by the management company regarding the place we loved for 2 1/2 weeks. The agreement was that the owner would install the AC unit already onsite and lack of AC would be a deal breaker for us. Today it was 98 degrees, so any thoughts that we can make do sans AC went out the window as we enjoyed staying indoors in an air conditioned house. The AC broke down in church and after 1 1/2 of torture, we know, no AC, no moving into said beloved house. The management company has been stalling us, leading us to believe that the owner had given the okay to install the AC unit and that the only hold up was sending someone out to do the work. Come to find out, they were also still advertising the place online and putting for lease signs after we put in the application! I think, the idea was to stall us and see if someone else would lease the place without the AC. If not, we were the back up plan! Not fun finding this out about a week before we are to move in!

We are now in a rush to find another place - including putting in an application with a different management company for another house which was our second choice and having to go through an interview with the owners! That was an awkward meeting! No-one know exactly what to say - I mean on paper we are perfect renters - even I would rent out a place to us :) and I am not sure what more the owners wanted to know since they did not ask many questions. The kids though had fun playing with the owners new puppy which they brought along for the interview. All we learnt was that they are attached to the house because the lady was pregnant with their son when they moved to the house and that her dad put in the kitchen cabinets. Don't know if we passed the interview - we were rather out of sorts - hubby was called into work at midnight and got home this morning just in time to get ready for church. So while he was sleepy, I was out of sorts because I literally wilt when it is hot outside! Yes, even after having lived in Nairobi, Kenya for years. Its always funny since people assume that I should be used to hot temperatures after having lived in Africa and California should be a breeze. The irony is that it is hotter where I live than it ever is in Nairobi. Nairobi has 2 hot months in the year where the temperatures reach 78 degrees! As surprising as this is for Americans, the laws of geography apply to Africa - the higher the elevation, the cooler it gets!

So, here we are - my niece is on college summer break and is coming to visit us from the Midwest on Tuesday. I knew she was coming, but was not sure when, and I just found out today when she is coming, which reminds me that I need to go shop for a mattress tomorrow. I have not packed anything, changed my address with the post office or made any calls re transferring the utilities since I don't know where we will be living! I am a bit obsessive compulsive about planning major things like a move, but I am so relaxed and just praying that things fall into place. Of course, I am doing all that I know how to make that happen, but this must be victory that I am not worried in the least. Last week it just occurred to me that worrying about the situation would not change a thing! I think it helps that I am still overwhelmed at our wonderful blessings from the Lord. Who cares if our things will be in storage and we will have to figure where to house our family of 5 plus our guest for who knows how long! I am so busy chasing almost walking toddlers who are now getting into everything - that and getting attacked daily to be given thousands of hugs and slobbery kisses by said toddlers! Its a bit hard to burden friends or family to house such a large family - though several have generously offered. My husband who is a total worrier is actually quite excited at the uncertainty of everyting - he is suggesting a cross country trip. Not sure how that helps in getting us closer to finding a place - but whatever helps him not to worry. I am happy to help him day dream.

Blessings upon Blessings.

2009-05-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

I used to be surprised reading adoption blogs at the "silence" once the children came home. However, two months since the kids coming home, here I am doing that very thing! The kids are so easy, but I am not sure what happens to my day! I know I have not done all the things I had planned to do - like going through my wardrope and getting rid of all the size 2 and 4 clothes that I will never fit into again! Thankfully, I will soon be walking around with an infant and I can pretend she is responsible for my belly fat!

The kids are doing great - they recognize and look for us in a room full of people. However, we are still working on my son's attachment - he is a cuddle bug and loves to be held and cuddled, but he is just as happy being picked up and cuddled by a stranger! He finally learned to cry to get his needs met - that was huge because before he never even whimpered when he was hungry, wet or awake and needed to be picked up. His twin sister would take his toys and he would just look at her like whatever! He is finding his voice and making his needs known and I am happy - I never thought I would will a child to cry! He is also a sensory eater which makes meal times interesting since I have to make him a separate meal, my daughter a separate meal and then a meal for ourselves. The early interventionist will be giving us some materials to read to try and work on the sensory eating issues. They are doing great at the weekly early intervention visits and we will be getting a report that details where they are and also the goals the interventionist will be setting for them. The interventionist feels they are meeting most of their age adjusted milestones though speech continues to be an issue. She did give us some good ideas on things to do to help with speech. They are actually a couple months ahead on some issues - they are able to point to their eyes, mouth, nose, head and tummy when you ask them to point out these body parts.

We continue to be blessed and God continues to be faithful! The social worker came by today to bring a huge bag of clothes and shoes for my daughter. I don't think there has ever been a better dressed little girl than my daughter - and no thanks to her mommy and daddy! Friends from church are also planning another shower and honestly, I cannot think of anything we need - except diapers! We have been showered with so many gifts and it seems like every week, someone sends gifts of new clothes for the children. In two months, my daughter and son have not worn the majority of their clothes twice - they have that large of a wardrope! Their clothes are mainly from Gymboree, Old Navy, The Children's Place and Gap - places I am usually too cheap to shop at for children's clothes since they grow out of them so fast.

We finally found a renter and they will be moving in at the end of this month. We also found a place we love - we are just waiting to see if the owner is willing to hook up the AC unit. They bought a new AC unit, but never hooked it up. Right now, it does not seem to be a big issue with temps in the 60s and 70s, but after a couple days in the summer where the temps are in the 90s, then moving into a house we love but which does not have AC will not seem to be such a bright idea! The backyard is beautiful and huge. The rent also includes a gardener for which my husband is well pleased! I am having visions of even starting a garden - my husband rolls his eyes and laughs - I kill houseplants within a couple weeks so it would take a little more blind faith than he has to believe I will actually grow some crops to harvest. But just you wait - I will prove him wrong and make my father proud - my dad does not have a family farm for no reason! This city girl will get her hands dirty and grow some organic vegetables. With help from my four year old, I cannot go wrong - he has faithfully watered a plant he got me last mother's day and it is still going strong. We had found another place we liked, but once we got there, the owner would not show us the place because she said she was not looking to rent to people with children??? A four bedroom house and she expected renters without children? Anyway in California, it is illegal not to rent a place to people due to familial status (hoping that is what it was and not something more) and we are filing a complaint with Fair Housing. We do not intend to move there - we just to remind the owner about rental laws in California - she ought to have known better since she is a realtor. Not too sad about not getting this place - I am sure the huge patio advertised would not have fulfilled my needs to start a garden - last time I tried growing anything on my small unadvertised patio, I bought expensive plants and a couple of months later, all I had to show for it were large and very empty flower pots. At least the pots are cute - the sorta explain why the very lush weeds left in the wake of my failed attempts to grow potted plants. But now, with a real garden, oh the possibilities.

Pray for Me.....Pray for others

2009-04-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

We participate in "Pray for Me... Pray for Others" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to add your prayer request. Join a community of friends who care about you, and hope you will care about them.

We are still looking for a rental place and a renter for our condo. It is a bit discouraging at times as our lives seem to be in limbo. We can't really give a timeline to any prospective renters without having a place to move to! We thought in this economy and the housing situation being what it is in California that we would have found a reasonably priced place. We cannot really proceed with the infant's adoption until we move - we can get a space exemption and the social worker is ready to work on this, but realistically, we have no room for the baby and want to minimize the stress of welcoming an infant, then packing and moving. Our prayer would be to move and have the infant's room ready on her gotcha day. I can't seem to be able to give anyone any definate answers - our agency or potential renters! Praying for guidance and that the Lord would be glorified in how the situation is resolved. We are still committed to the referral and wish we could kick things in higher gear.

This week my heart has been heavy thinking of baby Stellan (mycharmingkids.net) and the incredible toll a long term hospital stay with a very ill baby must be on a family. My heart has also been heavy for baby Matty Matt's family (prayformatt.blogspot.com) and the pain of losing a baby. This is an incredible family whose blog will inspire your faith and make you look deeper at the meaning of love, sacrifice and understanding and acceptancing God's sovereignity.

Praise!

2009-04-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

The children had their first visit with the early interventionist yesterday and the interventionist seemed surprised at their progress. I was able to read the case notes from teh January Evaluation report and I can see why she was surprised! The kids have made a lot of progress. We spent the two hours mostly playing with the kids and talking about any concerns we have. The first visit was mainly to observe the children since this is not the same person who evaluated the children. They are working on all the children's global domains and speech is the most obvious concern that I had noticed. This was also noted on the January evaluation report and the pediatrician also mentioned this during their visit last week. The children understand a lot, babble like crazy, but don't really say any words yet. Their adjusted age is 12 months so we are not totally worried. We are speaking and reading to the children a lot. Speech Therapy only commences at 18 months, so hopefully by then, they will have caught up. My causing waves produced results - the early interventionist's supervisor joined her for the evaluation yesterday and at the end, she gave me her card and told me to call her directly if I ever have any concerns.

We are also working with their case manager and have requested a copy of their evaluation report since it seems that physical therapy was recommended for both children. No copy was ever sent to the children's social worker or foster mom, so no body knew about the recommendation for both children. A different agency was supposed to provide the Physical Therapy services, so we have to call yet another agency to coordinate care. After the calls to the supervisor and agency director, the children's case manager has been suberb at getting back to me and has in fact initiated calls to both myself and the social worker. I am now confident we are all on the same page, and I think she knows I will advocate for these children and will not allow them to fall through the cracks again.

Long Overdue Update!

2009-04-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

Time to break the silence! Our laptop decided to take a break and we had not been planning to buy a new computer for a while. But, we finally broke down - you only get an hour time slot a day at the Library to use the computer and with three children in tow - not too much fun!

The babies have been home for five weeks now. Their gotcha day was amazing and we are so blessed. It was really tough picking up the children from their foster home - their foster mom cried through out the pick - up and it that was tough. Once we got home, we had 30 people come to welcome the babies home and they could not have been shown more love. The kids have such sweet dispositions and are such easy babies. They have an easy smile and laugh and have really good sleep habits. They sleep twelve hours at night and take two naps of about 2 1/2 hours each daily. I love fixing my daughter's hair and she has such a diva wardrope courtesy of all my friends and family. My son also made out like a bandit and so far, he has not gone through all his new clothes. We also got tons of diapers and wipes which is such a blessing - boy do they go through many diapers in a day! Some friends got us a crib, mattress and beddings. We already had another crib and mattress so we are set in that area. My husband also went to the cleaners and met a couple who were trying to donate some baby furniture and they gave him a crib, mattress, dresser and play pen. All are almost new and in excellent condition. Our God is an awesome God. We are so totally stepping out in faith on this journey, and He has been so faithful. We are still pursuing the referral of the infant girl and we will have a crib for her to sleep in. I will write more on that journey later.

It takes me a couple hours to get everyone ready for church - my husband has to leave earlier for Sunday School and I am so proud of myself because I get there on time!

Their big brother continues to amaze me. God really prepared his heart for his new role as a big brother and he just loves on his siblings and always wants us to pick him up early from pre-school so that he can play with them. The first week they were home, we took our oldest who loves, loves, loves Thomas the Train to a live Thomas the Train Circus show (Broadway type show) and at the intermission, he told us he wanted to go home to play with his siblings! Now that is love! We have been very intentional in making sure we set aside time for him and his special time in Monday nights. We put the twins to bed an hour earlier and he gets to go to bed later. So far we have just talked, goofed around, played bingo (yes the kid loves playing Thomas the Train bingo), hide and seek - the goofball hides in the exact two spots all the time but my husband and I still manage to look surprised when we find him :)! He has been so loving and protective - he chastizes us if we say no to his siblings - he tells us that it is okay, they are just babies and they do not know better! He has been so good about sharing all his toys, reading to the kids and being mommy's helper. Strange, but it is the best sound ever - when the kids should all be sleeping, I hear them having a party! I have snuck in a few times to find the twins standing up in their cribs, jumping up and down and laughing their hearts out while my oldest is entertaining them, making silly faces! You should see their faces when they see me as they all try to lay down and pretend to be asleep and I try to have my serious face on whhile trying desperately not to laugh. It seems like they have been together forever.

The twins are now standing on their own and will be walking soon! We did have to go to the ER once to get a breathing treatment - my youngest son was wheezing pretty bad. We think both may be asthmatic - both have had to go to the ER for wheezing before. They are still eating pureed food though they are 14 months old. They got a late start eating and gag on solid foods. We start seeing an early intervention specialist next week and hopefully this will get addressed. Earlier on, the kids' social worker had said that the children had some developmental delays which would resolve on their own and that only my youngest son needed Occupational Therapy because of his torticollis. I remember wondering about needing OT for this but did not give it much thought. I called their case manager who had assessed the children in January and after a week of not returning my calls, I finally got a hold of her. She said that Physical Therapy was ordered and wanted to find out how the early intervention visits with Baby boy were going?????? This was news as the foster mom and social workers did not know about the recommendation for early intervention services. I spoke to their case worker again and she advised that she had looked into their case file and that PT was not recommended - they felt the torticollis would resolve on its own - though it still has not - but that both children needed early intervention services to address the developmental delays. Now their current pediatrician had noted developmental delays in October, the assessement was done in January, but their case worker had neglected to mention the recommendations and send a referral to the agency that would be sending the early intervention specialist out! I have called numerous times in the last month and their case manager would not return my calls. I finally had to speak to the agency director and within minutes, I got a call back and the referral sent to the agency that would be providing the services. Their case manager totally dropped the ball on this one and the annoying thing is that she did not even apologize for not returning my calls, taking almost four months to send a referral to the other agency, but instead, she was pretty annoyed that I took the matter up with the agency director and she even went as far as lying that she had returned all my calls and that it had only taken a day from the first contact to when she sent the referral. But all is well that ends well! We are getting services starting next week. She still needs to send me a worksheet with excercises for Baby Boy that we should have been doing 2X a day for the torticollis. This is the same case manager who will be doing their re-evaluation in July, so fun, fun, fun. She promised 4 weeks ago to mail me the worksheet and also a copy of the evaluation report, but so far, nada! I really hated having to call her director, normally I hate causing waves, but these precious children have suffered much, already fallen through the cracks once and God has entrusted them in my care. I promised to fight and advocate for them, and that requires me not to listen to the butterflies in my tummy when I have to cause waves in fighting for them, but to be firm, stand tall and be their voice.

We are blessed beyond belief - God has provided all our needs and beyond and it has been a wonderful time of bonding and meshing into a family. My husband took 6 weeks off and it is amazing how fast the time has gone. We are praying and believing that I can be a stay at home mom. Right now, the game plan is for me to be home for three months, go back to work and then my husband takes on the next three months. After that, we pray that everything will fall into place in terms of me being a stay at home mom or if that is not financially feasible, getting a live in nanny. The children have been through so much change in their short lives, we are hoping to minimize any more changes as much as we can. All in His hands. God is Good!

My babies love Food!

2009-03-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

My husband and I picked up the kids for an afternoon visit today. We went to Costco and they wanted all the samples on offer. They were in heaven eating solid food, since they are still eating baby food. From their reaction when they would see yet another sample, you would think they had been starved. But their size tells another story! I wish I can share a picture of their thighs! All rolls of fat! I had no idea that the price of diapers has gone up 25% in 2 1/2 years which was the last time I was buying diapers in bulk!

It is so neat having twins - so many people would stop us to ask if they were twins and would then just hang around and chat. One lady told us how lucky we were to have a boy and a girl at a go and that we were now done! Little did she know that we have an older sibling and have just accepted a referral for an infant! I had not really thought about it, but by American standards, we will actually be considered a large family! A year ago, I was mommy to one with thoughts of adopting one other child. A year later, I am mommy to four! Amazing the journey the Lord leads you on when you are willing to be obedient and follow His leading. This is totally a journey of faith and is not normally how we would do things. Normally, we want to know how all the chips will fall. But on this, we have decided to live out our faith and know that God will provide all our needs.

Tomorrow is gotcha day! The social worker had wanted us to have the children for an overnight visit on Saturday before getting them permanently on Monday. After some discussion, it was decided that it did not make much difference returning the children on Sunday evening, only to get them again on Monday. I spent most of the morning cleaning up and after the visit, spent hours just trying to get ready. I still feel unprepared - since I have been working and visiting the kids almost every other day after work, I have not really had much time to nest and get ready. Yesterday was my last day at work and since the kids take such long naps during the day, I hope to get more organized, downsize more and then start looking for a renter for our place and looking for a new place to rent. I want to be in our new place by the time the infant comes home (in a few months - or less considering how fast it has taken from referral to getting the twins). My heart is so full and I feel totally blessed.

L'il Troopers!

2009-03-03T15:34:00.000-08:00

Today, I had a baby shower at work. We had the priviledge and honor of introducing our new kids to my co-workers who have all been so supportive and encouraging! As soon as I told my co-workers about the children, within a couple of days, they had organized a baby shower and today, we were totally blessed with all the gifts we got. We got car seats, tons of clothes, bottles, cups, bibs, gift certificates, and lots of other stuff. The organizers even remembered to include my son and he got to open his own gifts. He had a blast and was so caring about his siblings and making sure they had their snacks and bottles. The babies were such troopers-they missed their morning nap, but were so friendly and not cranky at all. I was so moved by everyone's generosity. I am so blessed to work in a place where people get adoption. I only knew of one other adoptive parent at my job, but found out that one of the attorneys at my job is also an adoptive mom. It is amazing the sense of community and kinship you feel with other adoptive parents, because they "get" it. My husband got to spend the whole afternoon with all three kids and he was even getting adventurous and wanting to go to the store with all three kids until he remembered the crazy logistics of trying to hold two super heavy kids (no double stroller yet) push a cart and make sure a four year old is in his line of vision. He quickly let go of that plan!

Everyone has been so encouraging and I have only gotten a few bizarre comments. One person who was very "concerned" for me told me how much work three kids are (she only has one grown son) and asked me if I still had time to change my mind???? I was a bit at a loss - it is not exactly like you wake up one morning and decide that adoption seems to be a good thing to do. This coming from some one from India which has the largest number of aids orphans in the world and where infanticide of girls is rampant. Living in a country where there are so many resources and where having female children is not considered a drain on a family's resources, I would have hoped that she would have gotten more empathy for the fatherless. I guess this view of children as just more work or a financial burden is what causes the apathy that allows 143 million children in the world to be forgotten. Another bizarre comment I got was why I did not just have another biological child or children. When I explained my reasons, the person said she would also look into adoption since her sixteen year old would be leaving home soon and she would be lonely. I did not like how long and involving the home study process was, but I am thankful that people with such reasoning get weeded out from the adoption process. My sister's well meaning co-worker who I have never met also wondered if I had done my research because she knew of a person who adopted a child and had a lot of issues. I was not sure what research she meant - i.e. the 24 hours of classes or the endless hours I have spent researching adoption issues. How much research goes into our bio children before they come home? If our bio children have issues, is it because we did not do enough research or what is the recommendation of these well meaning people? Not to have bio children???? Another Christian lady could not understand why we were adopting and said we should be very careful since this was not just about us, but our bio son and the twins who were not blood relatives????? This is supposed to be a mature Christian lady, but I explained how we are adopted into God's family, the scriptures calling for us to care for the fatherless and also that we as adults are the ones who teach children differences. All my son sees now is that these are his siblings. It was clear that I did not make headway with this lady and I was sad. She has 2 children from 2 different dads, yet the children love each other very much and if there was a person who I would have thought would have gotten it, it was this friend who has been a Christian for decades and who goes for every Christian seminar and fellowship. Where is our compassion? Where is the life application of what we are hopefully learning?

TGIF

2009-02-27T23:35:00.000-08:00

We picked up the children this afternoon and the foster mom had packed for them the way I used to pack when I was a new mom – I was always paranoid that I would need something and would have left it home! So I used to pack like we were going away for a week! This was how their bags were packed andfor a split second, my husband and I were confused if this was the day we were taking permanent custody of the children! Oh no, where would they sleep tonight – my husband had not put together the cribs, and there were a million other things I needed to do to get ready! But no, the packing was just for a day visit. The children were happily waving good-bye to the foster mom, but once we drove away, they realized she was not coming along. They teared up a little which is a good sign that they are attached to her, but were soon curious about all that they were seeing. They are so alert and so curious! We picked up our oldest son from preschool and he was so excited to come tothe car and find his sister and his brother waiting for him. The twins were excited to see him and when we got home, we found my sister and my nephe wwaiting for us at the door. It was a nice welcome and my sister got to meet her new niece and nephew. My son played with his siblings for a while, but then my nephew took him to play with him so that we could spend more time with the twins. My nephew is so wonderful – he is fourteen years old, but he is not your regular sullen teen. He is intuitive and does not get embarrassed at having to play with four year olds! He is the same nephew who came for my son’s preschool Christmas program. Though he would act like he was not supposed to be there and roll his eyes when my son wanted to go talk to Santa just one more time, he would still put him on his shoulders and stand in line behind all the other preschoolers, until my son got his chance to talk to Santa again! He got to hold the twins and he has been so accepting – his reaction when we told him we were adopting was – simply saying great, and asking what their names were and when they were coming! I wish more adults would have the same heart! It was tough to take them back in the evening, but we were able to put them to sleep.

Visit Time!

2009-02-26T22:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight, my oldest son and I went to visit his siblings and once again, we had a very good visit. The kids actually recognize us and willingly come to us. We played for about half an hour and then had to leave because it was getting to their bedtime. They were actually putting out their hands to me when I was at the door and it was hard saying good-bye! Oh how I love my children! Tomorrow, I get to have them all afternoon! They are coming toour house for a visit! My husband actually went to buy some clothes for the babies. This is huge because he hates going to shop for clothes. He wanted to reassure me that he loves the babies and was not sure if I was really joking when I teased him that he cancelled a visit so that he could go look at cars! Oh dear - I have absolutely no doubt about his love for his children. I guess I will need to be reassuring him more, or come to think of it, maybe not so that he can continue going clothes shopping!

Bona Fide Soccer mom!

2009-02-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

We were supposed to have a visit today and the foster mom had called earlier to let us know that she was keeping the kids up so that they would be awake when we got there. However, she called my husband and said it might not be a good time to visit as the children were pretty cranky from having missed their afternoon nap. The foster mom said when our daughter woke up on Tuesday morning, she was looking around for the person who had put her down to sleep! That made my heart very happy. However, I was sad, sad, sad at not being able to visit today – I had been so looking forward to seeing my babies again! My husband did not want to the evening to go to waste and wanted to do something related to the adoption. So, offwe went car shopping. Now my husband was very excited about going car shopping – I had a second of doubt when I wondered if he had cancelled the visit! He was horrified at the thought! We did find a used car that weliked and one that is not a van! I was not quite ready for a van yet. However, if God makes His will clear about another adoption, we will haveroom for 4 car seats. We did end up buying the car and now have the added responsibility of selling one of our cars! The price they offered to trade in our old one, was not quite we had in mind. It is amazing just how longit takes to buy a car! I mean, we went to Carmax, which has haggle free pricing – the sticker price is what you pay – so you don’t have to spend three to four hours trying to negotiate the price. We only took one car out for a test drive, and the car salesmen do not pressure you at all – they just open up the cars you want to look at and are available to answer any questions you may have. However the process still ended up taking 3 ½hours!

Pajamas for you!

2009-02-23T11:07:00.000-08:00

Today we went to visit the children after I got off work. We had a good visit with them and we even got to hold them and rock them. Most times,they will only let you hold them for a few seconds before they are offcrawling away, wanting you to chase after them! My husband was able to rock his son to sleep and the foster mom was very surprised because he does notlet himself be rocked to sleep. We were able to put the children down tosleep and it is so obvious the love and care the foster mom puts into her foster children. Their room is really nice and kid friendly. They each have stuffed animals and a special blankie. I am so thankful that God placed them in this home. I am trying to think of the right words to express this in the letter I plan to write to the foster mom when we take full custody of the children. Though we don’t get to visit till Wednesday since the foster mom is not available on Tuesday, I have so much peace knowing that they are in a place where they are loved and extremely well taken care of. My sister bought the kids some clothes and because I think they will outgrow them soon, we brought them over so that they can get to wear them before they are too small. The are the onesie like full length outfits (I forgot their name) and my son were supper excited when he saw them – now his brother and sister have pajamas!

Son - your brother and your sister!

2009-02-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

Today our son got to meet his new siblings. He was really excited aboutgoing to meet them, but before we were even half way there, he started insisting that we needed to go to the store and get his sister and his brother pajamas! Not sure why he was worried that they did not have pajamas! We did not have time to stop and get them pajamas, but we were able to convince him that he was fine just taking them the toys we hadbought with the money from his piggy bank. It was a real joy watching thekids interact – my son immediately went and hugged his brother and sister,opened their toys for them and then washed his hands and started feeding them their snacks (yogurt melts). He was getting a kick out of telling themthat they needed to take turns as he would put a yogurt melt in one child’smouth and then the other. He was excited to see them stand holding on tofurniture and he was crawling on the floor and trying to get them to followhim. It was a really wonderful visit and he gladly shared Mommy's lap by letting me hold both babies on my lap. The babies seemed to realize that he was a child and were happy to play hide and seek with him and follow him for more snacks. My heart is full. If only we would always have the love and innocence of children.

Daddy and his babies

2009-02-20T22:00:00.000-08:00

Though my husband and I had wanted to adopt before we ever met, during the adoption journey, I have mainly done all the research, set up appointments and in general have had adoption on the brain nonstop. My husband has been available for every class, every meeting and given a listening ear when I have needed to rant and rave! However, the idea seemed to be pretty abstract to him. Now that the babies are real and we have met them, it is as though he is a different guy! Today, he actually went to visit with the children by himself because I had to work. He did not want to wait till we could all go visit them on Saturday. He was so anxious to go that he even forgot some snacks I had packed for the babies that the foster mom had advised us that they like! He got to feed them their bottles, play with them and change their diapers (this from the guy who wore goggles and two pairs of gloves when doing the first diaper change at the hospital when our son was born)! He was very excited to let me know the children’s ticklish spots and more about their personalities. It seems our roles have now changed– while he is now talking all things adoption, I am almost paralyzed at all the things we need to do to get ready for the kids. Minor stuff like getting a new car, renting out our condo, renting a new place, having a new home inspection of our new place and our home study amended, getting cribs,a double stroller, etc! I thank God at how we complement each other! I am so thankful for my husband that he “gets” adoption and that I never needed to have to convince him!

It's a wonderful day!

2009-02-19T22:43:00.000-08:00

My stomach has been in knots all week! I mean, how do you prepare for the day you meet your children? With birth, things are a bit out of your control. I mean, you are either drugged out or in great pain, so you are not particularly picky about the professionals following your birth plan to the letter. Things just seem to fall into place. But, this is different! Today is the day we meet the twins! I have packed and repacked their gift bags, second guessed myself and made several trips to the stores to get just the perfect gift. I wanted something meaningful for our first meeting, something to break the ice, but also, something that was not overwhelming. I never knew I could get this indecisive! The indecision must have been contagious, because just when I thought I had finally gotten the right gifts, my husband started going through the gifts bags and second guessing every gift! I finally convinced him that mama had things under control and to trust me on this one! Our meeting was in the afternoon and as luck would have it, I left the gift bags at home when I went to work in the morning. I spent the whole morning having visions of my husband going though the bags and removing some toys!

We went to the foster home, and in tow were two social workers, my husband and I. Not only was it nerve wracking getting to meet my kids for the first time, we were going to be under the scrutiny of two social workers and a foster mom who is really attached to the kids and wants to make sure they are going to a good family! We need not have worried! I am so thankful that the social workers were they. They really stayed out of the way and just chit chatted with the foster mom while we got on the floor and started talking to the children. It took about fifteen minutes before they got curious enough about us. At first they would hold on to the foster mom's legs before they started peeking at the people making goofy faces at them. They finally felt sorry for the two strange adults who were trying their hardest not to cry and they got curious about the bags we had brought. The wrapping paper was a hit! My baby girl was the first to start tearing open the gifts and giving us a smile. My baby boy is more reserved and first observes to make sure that everything is okay. He did finally warm up to us and he was fascinated with my buttons and teeth! He must have been thinking, mommy, what big teeth you have! Daddy played with his baby girl more while I had purposed to focus more on my son, because the social worker had described my baby girl as the more robust of the twins. Per the social worker, she is the one who has always rebounded from their hospitilizations faster and is more curious. My son loves to cuddle! Yeah, because this mommy loves to cuddle her babies! The social workers had the presence of mind to ask all the important things my husband and I could not think of. Important things like sleeping schedules (6:45 p.m. to 6:45 a.m and a three hour nap in the morning), feeding schedules, what foods they eat and like (yogurt melts), their nightime schedule (bath, book, bottle) and their clothing sizes (18-24 months for my baby girl and 24 months for my baby boy). I could not have asked for a better home for my children to be waiting for their forever family. The foster mom is warm and loving and has an immaculate home. She has one child, a 20 year old who is away in college, but you see the love she has for children. Her home is so kid friendly and the children have so many toys and books. The babies were all dressed up and my daughter's hair was nice and all fixed up in cute barrettes. They are working so hard to walk! They were both evaluated by our Regional Center which intervenes to provide services to children under three that have handicaps. The specialists at the regional center feel that all their delays are environmental and they don't qualify for services. Thank you Jesus! They only will provide Occupational Therapy for my son because he has torsilitis (his neck muscles did not develope well and sometimes, his head is tilted to one side). This was not evident at this meeting and the foster mom told us she only sees it sometimes. The social workers were amazed at the progess the kids have made since coming into care and knowing just a little of their case history, I know God has answered the prayers we were praying for our child/ren while we were waiting. God has brought healing. Knowing some of their case history, I can only thank God for my babies' tenacity.

We visited for about an hour and a half and when it was time to leave, the babies actually crawled us to the door! I left wondering if the foster mom approved of us. She does not have any say in the matter, but I really wanted to reassure her that the children she has taken care of and loved for the last few months are going to a home where they will be absolutely loved. We spent a few minutes outside with the social workers decompressing from the emotion of the meeting. I am so thankful for how the process is going now!

From a family of three to a family of five (maybe six?)

2009-02-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

Today, we officially accepted the twins' referral. On Friday, we met both social workers and they shared information on the children. I was furiously writting because I did not want to miss a thing and also to keep my emotions in check, because some of the information we were getting was very painful and difficult to hear. I was oblivious to the fact that one social worker was doing all the talking and the other one was watching our reactions. My husband came to the rescue! He seemed to be in overdrive communicating our enthusiasm in accepting the referral. I did wonder for a second why he seemed so chatty, but I did not allow myself to dwell on that, because I had to furiously write! Only later did he share that he felt our social worker who was doing the observing wanted to know our reactions. Since I was totally blank, he felt he needed to compensate! We were asked to think about our decision over the weekend, but we were so ready to say yes, yes, yes during our Friday meeting. We told our son this weekend about his new brother and sister and he could not have been more excited. He immediately wanted me to get the money from his piggy bank so that he could buy toys for his brother and sister. I reminded him that he was saving money to buy a train ticket, but he did not bat an eye. Oh, how I love my son's giving heart! He did immediately ask if they do not have a mommy and a daddy and I told him his mommy and daddy were going to be their mommy and daddy. He wanted us to go get them right away and when we explained that they would be coming home soon, he very concerned that they were with a stranger. He just learned about stranger danger in school and it is interesting how he internalized the lesson! We have spent a lot of time trying to reassure him that they are with a friend who is taking care of them before we get ready to bring them home. He has been saying his shoes (which are new) are too tight and he wanted to save them for his brother. All weekend he was talking about his brother and sister. He wanted to take their picture to school for his sharing day. My heart is bursting with love for my son and I thank God so much for how He is preparing my son for his new role as a big brother. I had so much fun buying some clothes for my daughter and my son did get to spend his pennies and nickels :) to buy some toys for his brother and sister. We also went car shopping this weekend - we could not figure our how to fit three carseats in a Corolla! Exciting times! I never thought I would be a van driving mom, but I sense God is not yet done with us on this adoption journey!

I got to work this morning and a second later, my husband started calling to see if I had spoken to the social worker to let her know we accepted the referral. He must have called me six times in half an hour and he was elated when I finally called the social worker to say yes, we are humbled and honored to be the parents of baby girl and baby boy. I am still shaking and I have not stopped staring at their pictures! I told some of my coworkers and everyone has been so supportive and excited! To say my mind has been preoccupied has been an understatement! And to top it off, we get to visit the babies this Thursday! The game plan is to visit them along with both social workers. Then we set up visits in their foster home. After they are comfortable with us and accept care from us, we can take them to the park near their foster home, before bringing them home for a visit. Then we will do an overnight visit and touch base with the social worker to make sure the move is not so traumatic for babies. This will be their third home in their short lives and though I want them home like yesterday, I understand that this is the best way to minimize the trauma of changing homes again.

Not Me! Mondays

2009-02-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I am not married to a husband who sneaks "sugar" disguised as cereal into the house. Because, I am not trying to instil healthy eating habits in my son and I try to avoid bringing foods with processed sugar into the house. I mean brightly colored packets of "fruit loops" are not tempting to a four year old and I am not the mean mommy who has to say no to said child who begs to have just one serving a week. Said husband has not been taking said four year old out on father/son outings most Saturday mornings. I am not the slow mother who took a few months to finally wonder why said son seemed to be able to point out all the doughnut shops in my town. I mean, I had never taken him to one, but he is smart and all, so why would he not figure out what all the shops sell! When it finally dawned on me why he could point them all out, said husband did not sheepishly say he was only trying to continue a family tradition, because his father also took him and his siblings out for doughnuts on Saturday mornings. You know how sugar will turn a dull morning into a great opportunity to make lasting memories for a child. To try to forestall my mad woman dance and wild ululations from all the sugar damage my mind was conjuring, said husband did not tell me that plain doughnuts are not that bad. He did not get totally busted when son chimed in that his favorite doughnuts were chocolate or sprinkle ones! Even with my best efforts, said child does not have 4 cavities already. And I am not the mother who is second guessing the pediatric dentist who "discovered" the cavities and recommended a treatment plan calling for $800 in out of pocket expenses. I am not the mother who pounced on all the negative reviews of said dental practice to justify delaying shelling out this kind of money for baby teeth. I am not the mother who is getting a second opinion from my dentist because there is only one pediatric dentist in my dental plan in my area. I mean, my son's dental health should be my primary concern and $800 should be a small price to pay to ensure a good dental experience for my son in an office with all the bells and whistles for a youngster!

...all I want for Christmas is a -- or a --

2009-02-12T21:42:00.000-08:00

Mom busy making dinner. Son wanting to play horsie, just one more time - for the hundredth time. Mommy tells son to be patient and they can play after dinner. Son says okay, but says he will ask santa next Christmas for a brother or a sister to play with and share his toys with. Oh baby if you only knew! We still have not told our son about the adoption - we were waiting to first meet with the social workers for the official referral. I can hardly wait to see his face this weekend when he finds out he will not only have a brother or sister, but a brother AND a sister!

I am immensely proud of my son and his giving heart. He got a toy tonight from Macdonalds and another child wanted the same toy, but Macdonald's had ran out of the toy. Without a second thought or any prompting, my son happily gave the other child his toy. He has a heart of gold, is wonderful around other kids and will make a marvelous older brother!

Not Me! Monday

2009-02-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I so am not the mom who was skipping pages of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" I mean, I have totally learnt the lesson about being a grinch after having read the book every night since Christmas at my son's request. I am not the mom who was being super hyper trying to distract her son, so that he would not realize his mom was skipping pages. I mean it would not have taken less time to actually read the whole book than the time taken to do silly distracting antics. I am also not the mom who got totally outsmarted by said son, when he took the book and pointed out all the pages I had skipped. And I had to re-read the book, yet again! Sigh!

I am so not the mom who is failing her four year old in his christian education. He tried convincing me that he put a rainbow up in the sky because he had painted a rainbow earlier in the day and later that evening saw a rainbow in the sky. My best attempts to explain how a rainbow forms and how it is a reminder of God's promise to us did not go in through one ear and out the next. Because said son was not excitedly telling his friends the following day how he had put a rainbow in the sky.

Pray for Me....Pray for Others

2009-02-04T16:03:00.000-08:00

We participate in "Pray for Me... Pray for Others" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to add your prayer request.

1/2 week down, 1 1/2 more to go before we get to review the twins' file and get the official referral. Praying for patience and trusting God that the babies are loved and well taken care of. I think about them daily and worry and wonder if they are safe, happy and loved. But I know that the Kings of Kings loves them and is watching over them.

Still praying for our friend D for continual healing. He is now able to limp on his leg though he still has the swelling. Praying that he is able to make the next training session.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl and Baby Boy!

2009-02-01T22:44:00.000-08:00

One year ago today, you came into this world. We were thinking of adoption at the time and you were born in our hearts on that day. Though we did not know about the miracle of your birth one year ago, your birth was not a surprise to the Most Holy of Holies - He knew you from the very foundation of the earth! He wonderfully formed you in the womb, and knows every single atom of your being! Mom and dad tried to move mountains to make sure that you knew someone cared about your special day. However, we have to work with an imperfect system and it is our prayer that your foster family made this day special for you. It was a bitter sweet day for us - a day of thanksgiving that you are safe, loved and well taken care of, but bitter knowing that you are so close, yet we could not give you a hug and a kiss and celebrate with you this milestone birthday. If God gives us the priviledge to raise you, we will make it up to you! We pray to be able to celebrate your next milestones like your first steps and all the many firsts you will have. On this day, we promise to be your biggest advocates and cheer leaders. We promise to love you and daily show our love to you so that you will never have cause to question our unabiding love for you. We promise to demonstrate Christ's love for you by the way we live our lives and that you may see Christ in us. We pray to be worthy of the honor to be called your parents. We promise to raise you in the fear of the Lord and we ask the Lord to set you apart for Himself that your lives may be a testimony to the goodness of God. We pray that the Lord may always protect you, guide you and direct your paths.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl and Baby Boy!

Oh, So Slow!

2009-01-31T22:13:00.000-08:00

The wheels of government turn ever so slowly! We were supposed to meet the social workers to review baby girl and baby boy's files on Friday. However, my social worker called to advise that Friday would not work well for them because we have to meet with two social workers and they need to coordinate their calendars. Friday did not work for them - though on Wednesday both had advised that they were free Thursday afternoon and all day Friday. Surprising how fast a county worker's calendar can fill up in a day! The next time their free slots on their calendars coincide is in two weeks! Two weeks! It was so urgent to let me know about the children on Wednesday, but we have to wait two whole weeks to review the file before we can even go to the next step! My husband was guardedly optimistic when I told him about the children - he was unreserved about accepting the referral, but did not want us to get our hopes up until it was official. He does not have much faith in with the system and he is paranoid that they may call in a couple days and tell us they had our names mixed up with another family!

The social worker has called me about five times on Thursday and Friday, which is a marked improvement from the prior communication. The children's social worker had told me that their birthday was today - but I found out it is actually Sunday. It made me cry that the one person right now who should be the children's biggest advocate does not even care enough to know the children's actual birthday. This is a new case and it is the children's first birthday. But we are fallible human beings. The Creator of the Universe knows baby girl and baby boy's names and knew them from the foundation of the earth. He knows their birthday! Baby girl and Baby boy matter to Him, He loves them and He made the greatest sacrifice of all for them - His own begotten son.

Pray for Me...Pray for others!

2009-01-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

We participate in "Pray for Me... Pray for Others" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to add your prayer request.

My mind is reeling! This afternoon, we had an orientation meeting with our new social worker for the international adoption. I loved her, everyone at the office and we went home feeling pretty good about moving forward with this agency. I decided to drop off a form to the child welfare agency foster care social worker. She was not expecting me and I had thought I would just drop off the form, but the receptionist insisted on calling the social worker out to the lobby. Three minutes later, she came in with another social worker and they asked to meet with me in a conference room. My social worker then asked if during our homestudy visits we had mentioned if we were open to twins. I told her I didn't recall that coming up and then the other social worker told me that literally a few minutes before I walked in, she had just finished reading our homestudy report and thought we were the perfect family for the children she was trying to place! Nice to know that our homestudy report is complete and others are reading it before we have even seen a copy:)! Anyway, my heart was pounding, I was incoherent and then she told me to go home and discuss with my husband if we wanted to come in to review the children's file. It is a boy and a girl who were born premature at 32 weeks old and they will be one year old this Saturday. They have some developmental delays due to a very tough start in life. I learnt a little of their birth history and it knocked the wind out of me. But they are beautiful and seem to be extremely well taken care of in their current home. That is pretty much all I know and my mind is racing. I can't think coherently! After the meeting, I was on my way to buy carseats, clothes and diapers before I remembered I needed to first talk to my husband! Oh yeah, there is also their first birthday coming up! My head is spinning and I am just totally jumping ahead of myself! It is totally not official, we still need to meet with the chidlren's social worker before we can officially accept the referrals. We plan to meet the case worker on Friday and look through the casefile. In the interim, it will be prayers, prayers, prayers!

God's timing is so not my timing. I thought I had everything figured out! Based on how things were going, we had assumed our first adopted child was to come from Ethiopia later this year and in another year, the next adoption would be from the foster care system. Thank God that He can see the big picture!

Not Me! Monday

2009-01-26T22:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am so not the dorky mother who cornered the preschool teacher because her son totally did not get the lesson on Martin Luther King day and its significance. I am not the mom who forgot that a four year old's mind is a mix between fantasy and reality and that he has many years in school where he will be learning about MLK and he will totally get it! I am so not the dork who forgot to tell said preschool teacher not to sweat it when she offered to repeat the lesson the next day. Because, four year olds really do grasp all concepts and lessons taught in their pre-school classes.

My friend D.

2009-01-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

update:

My friend D was not able to hold off till the end of training on Friday and ended in the ER at 12:30 for some plasma and consequently getting admitted into hospital. I did go visit with him yesterday afternoon and he says this is the worst bruising that he has ever had. His leg is about 4 times its normal size. Thankfully, he does not have to have surgery which he had been scheduled to have to relieve pressure on his muscles. We visited him in the hospital today and he is scheduled to be there at least through Thursday. During service today, one of the deacons shared his heart. He was praying for my friend D and really asking God why all this was happening to such a good and decent person. During prayer, his conviction was God laying it on his heart asking what he personally was going to do about the situation. It is one thing to pray for someone, but unless we are willing to be God's hands and feet, we will not see a lot of answers to prayers. All the offering and tithes at church today went to help support his family and almost the whole church went to visit with him after church. The body of christ was really His hands and feet to bring spiritual encouragement and practical help to my friend. Just what we are commanded to do!

Prayer requests: that his job will be willing to take a chance on him and that he can start the next training session next month. He had been scheduled to take a test yesterday for a county job. Needless to say, he was hooked up receiving some plasma! So if his current job is not willing to take a risk on him, he has nothing else in the works! At a time he should be really enjoying first time fatherhood with his 4 month old child, he is having to spend time with her in a hospital room. Prayers for spiritual encouragement and financial provisions. Inspite of all that is going on, he was in really good spirits today! Nothing to bring a smile to your face than someone sneaking in some Macdonalds after 24 hours of no food because they were preparing you for surgery!

Urgent Prayer Request!

2009-01-23T16:22:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine is having a really hard time. He has hemophilia and the last three months have been torture. He bruised his right hand about three months ago and was in excrutiating pain for most of that time months before the doctors finally figured which pain meds worked for him. He can't really use his right hand because it is numb from a blood clot that is causing nerve damage and affecting his fingers and thumb. No surgeon wants to touch him to remove the blood clot because of his hemophilia.

He had just started a new job a couple of months before his arm got bruised and the employer had to fill the position because he was in the hospital for a couple of days, needed several blood transfusions for another couple of weeks and was on heavy duty pain meds that he could not function. Things seemed to look up and he started a new job three weeks ago. He is in training and loves the job and his co-workers. This week, he bruised both his legs and he had to go to the ER yesterday afternoon because the swelling was not going away. He got a blood transfusion and went to work today because he cannot afford to loose the job. He has a three month old daughter and his wife's job is reducing everyone's work schedules to part time as a cost saving measure. I called him today at 11:00 a.m and the swelling was getting worse. He was in a catch twenty-two to say the least. In order to heal faster, he needed another blood transfusion asap, but he knew if he left early again today, he would not have a job on Monday. He was also in pain and was not sure whether where he would be able to hold off going to the ER till after work. My heart breaks that he has to make such difficult choices. In this job market, employers don't have much room for compassion and empathy. My heart aches for all that he has endured these last few months. He is a really decent, God fearing guy who loves the Lord and just wants to serve him. Please pray for healing and financial provision. He has had moments of deep discouragement and despair but through it all, he still praises God.

Not Me! Monday

2009-01-19T21:53:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net" her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am so not the mama who finds it funny that my 4 year old pronounces chewing gum, "shooing gum" and who doesn't correct him because she thinks it is cute and funny. You know all good mamas put their child's language development ahead of an opportunity to laugh.

I am so not the mama who laughs and cannot for the life of her get an appropriate response to her 4 year old's pleas to feed his mama a piece of his apple so that she can be like god! Adam and Eve is one of his favorite bible stories and attempts to straighten his theology have not been successful! I so do not help matters by laughing. Poor pk, he will be in for a surprise when he realizes the apple pieces did not make me god!

Mystery Solved!

2009-01-14T15:03:00.000-08:00

Remember my surprise that the social worker from my Local Child Welfare Agency initiated a call to see if we were still pursuing our foster care adoption? Well, I learnt that the County has decided to outsource all future homestudies to a private agency! Yippee for all new families trying to either foster or adopt foster care children. The private agency is paid depending on the number of homestudies done, so the agency has an incentive to be timely in how they do the homestudies. The county social workers do not have any quotas to meet and are not really accountable to anyone to get the job done well and in a timely manner. My social worker has to complete all her outstanding homestudies that she started last year hence the call! This explains why she was asking if we were still interested in going through the process. Did I detect a secret wish that we abandon the process so that she would have one less homestudy to do? Mind you, the county uses a template for the home studies and she just needs to fill in the blanks! Now how easy can that be!

All in all, we anticipate that we will have a homestudy report before our 1 year anniversary since beginning the process to adopt from the local child welfare agency! Yipee!

Not Me! Monday

2009-01-12T10:31:00.000-08:00

It’s that time again to play along with MckMama on Not Me! Monday.

I so totally was not the dork who thought we would be taking a real train ride seeing the major attractions of San Francisco. I mean, when reading a quick description of the outing we were taking my son to, it is so easy to mistake a G-gauge train set complete with a first-class passenger train and a freight train for the real deal. Only I would actually imagine that there would be a train looping past ten of San Francisco's most famous places including the Conservatory of Flowers, the Japanese Tea Garden, the Golden Gate Bridge, Mission Dolores, Chinatown's dragon gate, the Transamerica Pyramid building, the Ferry Building, Coit Tower, Ghirardelli Square and the Bently Reserve (formerly the Federal Reserve Building). You know I am not that gullible even after having lived in this area for over a decade! I would so know that a train cannot access most of these places! I was not the dork making sure that her husband confirmed with the ticket agent that we would be going on the Golden Gate Express Train. And that said husband (born and raised in the area) did not sheepishly laugh saying he knew all along that we were going to see model trains!

Once I figured that we were only seeing model trains, I was not the crazy lady trying to get a four year old boy excited about the wonders of banana trees, coffee trees, orchids, water lilies and carnivorous plants. And I was not closely followed by a husband who was impatiently shepherding his family through the conservatory of flowers and into the special exhibit area to see the model trains. I mean we only arrived 2 hours before closing and said husband wanted to make sure that his son got a chance to see the model trains. Because you know how just long it takes to see models trains in a 25 by 15 feet room! And that was so not my husband trying to drag out the excitement for at least half an hour in the special exhibit room to justify the one hour trip we had just made, leaving a much larger model train exhibit 15 minutes from our house!

Thank goodness for small mercies because said son said he had a good day in “The City”.

New Year = Progress!

2009-01-09T10:40:00.000-08:00

New Year + New Resolutions = Progress! Yesterday, I got a voicemail message from the Child Welfare Agency social worker. Per her message, she was calling to check in if we still want to proceed with our adoption plans from the foster care agency. That one left me scratching my head because she is the one who has not written up our home study report though our last meeting was in October! Numerous classes, numerous homestudy visits, lots of inefficiencies from the agency etc, etc, and we still hang on and she wonders if we are still on? She thought I might not have been in touch because of the holidays??? Did she not mean she has not written the home study report because of the holidays????? Okay, I know that this is in keeping with the agency's policy not to acknowledge their inefficiency and ineptitude, but still! However, I still see this as progress since I have always been the one to initiate any calls regarding the process. I was actually pretty surprised at getting a call. Good thing she did not get to speak to me because she might have reconsidered our suitability to be parents because I am sure my surprise at her initiating a call, and then proceeding to ask me if we still wanted to pursue adoption would have made me totally incoherent!

I am keeping my resolution to be praying for the social workers who are charged with protecting and advocating for the abused and abandoned children in my county. I am praying daily that their hearts would not be jaded, but would give 200% to meet the best interests of the children.

We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers. - I Thessalonians 1:2

Not Me! Monday

2009-01-05T15:59:00.001-08:00

I so totally did not get out of a movie outing with my son and husband last night so that I could have some alone time. I then did not spend the next two hours resting like I had said I would, but instead spent time catching up on reading blogs (so totally not breaking one of my new year's resolution to spend less time on blogs). I so totally did not forget to feel absolutely miserable and guilty about not spending every available time with my family because I am a working mom and ordinarily, I always feel guilty that I do not spend enough time with my son.

I so totally did not introduce my husband to the joys of bargain shopping and kissed goodbye the only opportunity I have to get full price clothes. My husband hates shopping (unless it is electronics) and twice a year (on my birthday and Christmas), he goes to the mall, looks at mannequins and asks for assistance to get the mannequin look. Come to think of it, I am not sure if he ever wonders how come he never quite gets the look he saw at the store. I mean, the mannequins are a size 0 and they still nip off the waists of the clothes when they dress the mannequins. Mmmm, maybe that explains why my husband was so excited to have bought me some clothes that were on clearance when there was no occassion calling for him to go girl clothes shopping! I mean, why spend good cash to buy clothes at full price if you will not get the mannequin look.

I so totally did not wake up with a splitting headache from lack of sleep and did not enjoy a guilt free morning sleeping in till noon. I mean, the last time that happened, I was in college and every self respecting wife and mother would take advantage of a free morning to clean, organize, and take care of others. I am not typing this and thinking that having one of these mornings every three months should be on my list of new year's resolutions.

Faith and Joy!

2008-12-31T10:29:00.001-08:00

The year has come to an end and as I look back, I am thankful for so many things the last year has brought. I obediently stepped out in faith on the adoption journey and my faith has been strengthened. I am learning to trust God more. Walking down this path without knowing how it will all fall into place, I know that He is control. I am so thankful for all the fellow bloggers I have “met” who are traveling or have traveled down this same adoption path. I am humbled by their faith and their walk encourages me to fully lean on Jesus. In my blissful ignorance, when I actually started the process at the beginning of this year, I really thought a child would have been placed in our home by the end of the year. But all in God’s timing! Our foster care agency social worker has still not written up our home study (10 months after we started the process), but somehow, I have managed not to lose heart. On the international adoption front, we have 20% of the necessary funds required, but again, I have not lost heart and instead I am joyful that we reached this milestone. I still fervently believe God has called us to open our hearts and home for some of His own, and I just as fervently believe that He will make a way.

I have grown some and there is still plenty of room for growth. While I have always been floored at the ineptitude of our local child welfare agency, it had never occurred to me to pray for the workers there. This next year, I am praying for an extra measure of grace that I may remember to pray for them daily and all the hurting children they are charged with protecting.

As things stand, it still seems likely that our first adopted child will come to us through International Adoption from Ethiopia and the second adopted child will be placed in our home from the foster care system.

God’s blessings to all in the coming year!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

We have a calendar where we have been crossing off the days before Christmas and it was precious to see my son this morning when he woke up and realized that today was the day! He had been trying to see if he could open just one present before Christmas Day. His reasoning: though it was not yet Christmas Day, it was the Christmas Season! I wish I had been able to capture his excitement when he was jumping up and down and shouting in glee when he opened a present from Santa and found a train he had been wanting for his collection. He is still at the innocent age where he is able to get so much joy from a $5 present. Actually, I am so thankful that he has such a heart of gratitude. He is always so appreciative when he receives a gift and always hugs the gift giver and remembers who gave him almost each and every toy (the few he does not remember, he always remembers to asks mommy or daddy who gave it to him when he is playing with it).

We enjoyed the simplicity I had been wanting by focusing on Him whose birthday we were celebrating. After gift opening, scripture reading and breakfast, we headed off to my father-in-law’s house and had a good time with family. Because they did not grow up in a Christian family, there is no religious connotation to the celebration of Christmas. However, my brother in law “accidentally” held a Study Bible my sister-in-law received for Christmas. This is major, considering for years he never celebrated Christmas with the family. Instead, he and his family always went to Alcatraz Island to demand the government return it to the Native Americans. Think Berkeley types and their families having a wonderful bar-be-cue in the guise of a protest! This has changed within the last three years and we even celebrated Christmas at his house 2 years ago! Now that is huge! Of course, there were only winter solstice decorations, but that is progress! There is hope after all. Maybe next year, he may even open up the Bible??? We had a good time teasing him about it! On our way home, we spent a couple hours with my side of the family. All in all, a wonderful Christmas Season. My husband even adhered to his plan to par down this year. Just one unplanned gift! And he even agreed that we had a wonderful Christmas this year.

Praying that next Christmas, we will be making new memories with the other child or children that God will have placed in our home.

Christmas Traditions.

2008-12-24T14:59:00.001-08:00

What are some of your favorite Christmas memories and what are your family traditions? As a child, I loved going caroling on Christmas Eve and all the carolers would be carrying lanterns and we would all end up in Church for the midnight service. For Christmas, we always got new clothes and shoes and we could hardly wait for Christmas day so that we could wear our new clothes, go to church and then go back home for the biggest party ever. My parents always had an open house on Christmas day and we were never sure who would turn up. We always had over 50 people at my parent’s house on Christmas Day and we had fun playing, playing, playing and eating, eating, eating. When most people always remember a favorite dessert they always had during Christmas, my family remembers that antacids were always the fi rst item on the shopping list when preparing for our big feast!

Traditions that my husband, son and I have include getting and decorating our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving, playing Christmas music thoughout the month of December, going to see Christmas lights the weekend before Christmas, watching Charlie Brown ‘s Christmas Story and making a special appetizer pastry that takes four to five hours to make! Actually, I have done this 3 years out of the last six and wiggled out of it the rest of the time because it is so labor intensive. However, I have decided to make this a yearly tradition. My husband helped me make the pastries last night and they are in the freezer ready to be deep fried on Christmas Day. It was a wonderful time of fellowship listening to Christmas music, watching my son look at the Christmas Tree lights and folding those pastries with my husband. He is the most playful, funny and kind hearted man I know! We also stay up late and open one present each on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, we have a good breakfast before loading up and going to spend Christmas with either my family or my husband’s family. Now that my son is older, we will be reading one of the Gospel accounts of the Christmas story.

I have been trying to get a protestant church that does a midnight service on Christmas Eve, but so far I have not been so successful. The first protestant church we found about 5 years ago, had an open invitation for communion and they clearly stated on their invitation that Holy communion was open to all irrespective of your religion. They said it did not matter if you were Muslim, Jewish or Hindu to please join in taking communion. Okay, so even if you do not believe in the deity of Christ or that He is the messiah, you are to partake in communion in remembrance of Him who you do not believe in? So what is the meaning of communion again? No return visit. Last year, we went to a catholic church and it was standing room only. We may have theological differences, but the service was beautiful and there was such a sense of reverence. I think the protestant church tried so hard to emphasis grace and do away with legalism that the end by-product is services that most times seem so flippant and irreverent. Some sweet old lady fell in love with my son and gave him a statue of Jesus and a Rosary at the end of the service! So we soldier on looking for a protestant church with a midnight service. This year we are going for a candlelight service at 6:00 p.m. Next year, we will return to the catholic church if no protestant church takes up the challenge. I am determined to share this tradition with my son.

I so desperately wish that my adoptive child or children were here this Christmas as we make new memories. But all in God’s timing. It is tough wondering if my child/ren know that they are loved, wondering if they have warm clothes to wear, or if they will have enough food. I really don't think this year I will be gorging myself as the children God will place in our home and hearts have been so much on my mind lately.

Jesus, The Reason for the Season

2008-12-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

I love, love Christmas. And it is made even more special watching my four year old son and husband get into all the Christmas festivities with gusto. In the last few years, I have felt commercialism seep more into my observance of Christmas. I am driven by empathy for others and I never adhere to my list for the people I will buy gifts for. My heart is always drawn to others who do not have families to celebrate Christmas with and once I start on this road, things quickly go out of control. I also get suckered by all the wonderfully wrapped gifts at the stores and I quickly start thinking who would love a particular wonderfully wrapped box of chocolate! But of course, since they do not have much family, I need to get them something else! While it gives me great pleasure giving to others, I find myself at the stores on the 23rd of December in long lines because I have thought of yet one more person. My family has some Christmas traditions, but I have been feeling more and more that my husband and I focus more on gift giving. I will do my Christmas shopping for family on both sides and for our friends and then my husband goes to do his last minute Christmas Shopping (he likes living on the edge)! He ends up buying another gift for most of the people I had already shopped. I do not like to take the joy he gets from doing this, but I have always wished we could write down a list and stick to it! This year, I have been yearning for my observance of Christmas to have more meaning than gift buying. And God is good. When I asked my husband to let me know who he was shopping for so that we would not duplicate efforts, he said that this year he is scaling back. What! Never in a million years would I have expected this. My husband’s dad raised 5 kids as a single parent and toys and gifts were few and far between during the year. However, on each of the children’s birthdays and on Christmas, my father-in-law would go overboard. Hence my husband’s love for Christmas and “going overboard” too!

Most of my Christmas shopping was done in November. I have been successful in sticking to my list this year and my husband has surely cut back! This year, he only shopped for four people (a huge improvement from his normal list of 13-15 people)! He only shopped my son, the family member for whom he is playing Secret Santa, and a friend from church who will join us for Christmas. There is hope after all!

This year, rather than thinking of which gift I should get a friend or family member, I am more concerned that they have the greatest gift of all – Salvation. Of what value is my getting them their 100th shirt or sweater if I have never shared the gospel message with them. The earthly things will all pass away, but the gift of salvation will last for all eternity (and the consequence of rejecting that free gift). Church has been wonderful this Christmas season. Each of the last four Sundays was strictly on the Christmas message with readings from the Old and New Testament and lots of Christmas Carols. Sometimes I always feel that the church treats Christmas and Easter as an interruption to their program instead of a time to slow done and be reflective. As a child, Christmas and Easter were such "Holy" holidays and I am so full of Joy this Christmas season that I got both the simplicity I have been yearning for and church services that have been drawing me to center my observance of Christmas on Him whose birth we celebrate.

In all our preparations to make this Christmas the best one yet, May we look back to the best one of all 2,000 years ago and really spend time reflecting on the “Reason for the Season”!

Not Me! Monday

2008-12-15T17:08:00.000-08:00

I so totally did not have a busy week and had enough time to get present for my son’s friend's birthday. Being so good at multi-tasking, I had good intentions to get a present on the way to the birthday party. Of course, I did leave enough time for my husband to get an attack of the vanities and he so totally did not squander the time allocated to get a gift by taking an extra looong shower and changing clothes numerous times! I mean, we do have to look our best when going to a five year old’s birthday party! Being the good mommy I am, I so totally did not re-gift a present my son got for his birthday and which he had been saving to open later. Of course, being a good mommy, I so did not hide the wrapped present from my son and rush us all out of the house. I also did not change the topic a million times and turn up the radio in the car because my son is aware we always go present shopping together and he was curious to know what I got for his friend’s birthday. No, not me, because good mommies don't do things like that :)

Not me! Monday

2008-12-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

Since we are in the wait mode on the adoption front and it is not like we have had not had numerous adoption- related classes, this Saturday, so that we can feel as though we are being proactive and doing something and for the heck of it, we took another adoption class. We met another pre-adoptive couple and the husband told us that he worked in a group home with 6 -13 years old who were very disturbed and on serious psychotropic medications. Think fascination with setting fires, fascination with knives and scissors and hurting dogs and children. Miniature Jeffery Dahmers (not my words – but the gentleman who had worked with the children).

For a little levity on a very serious discussion on what we would do if that was one of our children, I so totally did not start joking on barricading ourselves in the bedroom at night. I also so totally did not encourage my husband and the other couple, by laughing uncontrollable when they were coming up with different suggestions on what they would do. I mean it is not funny hearing someone laugh when telling you they would tie a bell around the child’s ankle to herald the child's approach and warm them of imminent danger. Nor is it funny to suggest training the dogs to bark and let you know that a child is approaching your bedroom when you are asleep. I also so totally did not re-tell my sister the story in the evening and laugh once again until my sides hurt. Because, lets face, I am a serious child advocate and it just is not nice laughing at things like that. Also, my husband does not have a quick wit and a warped sense of humor and is able to provide comedic relief in most serious situations. I am not even telling whose bright ideas they were: bell or trained dogs. I think that my husband actually met his twin because I am not sure whose idea was worse, my husband’s or the other gentleman’s.

Hair and Adoptions!

2008-12-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know I have posted before on all the “chance” meetings I have had with adoptive parents, but I still get a kick every time it happens! In keeping with my new resolve to cut costs everywhere I can so that we can save for our adoption, I made an appointment to get my hair done at a Beauty College. They charge 1/3 what I normally pay at a regular salon, but the downside is that you get a student to do your hair, and you are never quite sure how far along they are in the program! Anyway, that was my second visit and I have been pleased with the results both times! (could this be due to the fact I have become less vain the older I got hence my standards may have lowered? Hmm :) I was a bit late because, I get lost—I am the girl who gets lost going home and I sometimes second guess the GPS system that I got as a Christmas present last year and still manage to get lost! By God’s providence, someone else got to do my hair and of course, she is an adoptive mom to a four year old boy! She adopted a child who was exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero from the foster care system when the child was 3 months old. She just answered God’s calling to adopt this child as a single 25 year old and just trusted God. My hair dresser is now married and has a second child who is one and both her children are the best of friends. More likely than not, if an infant gets placed in our home from the foster care system, statistically, the child will most likely to have been exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero. This is the primary reason most infants are removed from their parents care (alcohol is actually more damaging to a child in the womb than any other illegal drug, but since alcohol is a legal beverage, they do not test for alcohol exposure once a child is born. However, it is safe to assume that the child will have fetal alcohol syndrome though their file may not mention this). My hair dresser shared that her son is well adjusted, loving, attached, and does extremely well in school. She does not see any lasting damage from the drug and alcolol exposure, though as an infant, she told me he cried a lot. I normally tend to prepare my mind for the worst case scenario and it was no different when I read about all the ill effects of alcohol and drug exposure to an unborn baby. This “chance” meeting could not have been more timely. I was feeling a little discouraged on the adoption front, because my 10 year old car would not start and we had just heard the verdict from the mechanic: $603 in repairs! Ouch! Oh car, do you know how far back you just set us on our international adoption? Oh, well, I guess the car does not care – probably thinks I should be grateful that it has ran for 10 years relatively problem free. Yeah, yeah, more than 130, 000 miles later, I guess I should not be complaining!. Anyway, God is good and I did get encouragment just when I needed it!

"Chance" Meetings.

2008-11-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

It still amazes me all the chance meetings we have had with adoptive parents since we started our adoption journey. This weekend we went to a friend’s birthday party and were introduced to the adoptive parents of an outgoing, friendly, loving, handsome and precious seven year old boy. The parents are wonderful people and were happy to share their story. The boy was adopted at 3 years old from the foster care system and this was his 15th placement! The parents had talked about adoption before, but never really started the process. The child’s parental rights had already been terminated and the child was available for adoption. Within one month, the boy was already in their home and the adoption was completed within six months. The mom shared that God in His infinite wisdom made the process go so fast, because she may have started second guessing herself if the process was longer. She knows without a doubt that God intended for the little boy to be their son. The downside to the speed of the process was because they got licensed right away and did not take any pre-adoptive classes. They were totally swimming on their own. When they were in crisis mode, their social worker only gave them a list of people to call, but in true “child welfare agency” form, no-one would ever return their calls. This has always been our major concern in adopting from the foster system: no-one seems to ever talk about post-adoption services. It appears that you jump hoops to get licensed to adopt, but once the child is in your home, you are on your own. I am not sure what the rational is, because it seems logical to expect that child adopted from the foster care system are more likely than not to present special challenges considering their history of abuse, neglect and multiple placements.

God has blessed them with really supportive family and they shared they have been a life saver. After such a traumatic start, the little boy has major issues, which has totally transformed this family’s lives. However, I have never seen such love and commitment as I saw on the parents’ faces when talking to us about their son. After a four year journey of heartbreak and totally feeling like the only one going through this, she feels they are making a breakthrough. Her son is in a school that is equipped to meet his needs, and they no longer get daily calls to pick him up from school. He is starting to become attached to them and they are also amazed at the love and compassion their older son has for his little brother.

The family generously offered to keep in touch and be a resource to us once we have our child/ren home. I am amazed at how God is orchestrating things and putting people in our lives who are either walking our walk or who have been there and have a wealth of information and are a great resource.

3 Days, 3 Weeks, 3 Months, 3 Years, 3 Decades?

2008-11-19T10:52:00.001-08:00

The ever interesting twists to get a copy of our home-study report from our local Child Welfare Agency! Our social worker had informed us that she was a fast typist and usually completed the home-study report three days after the last home-study visit. Well, more than a month later, we still do not have a copy. When I called the social worker, she had not even started typing the home-study report! Rather than be a little embarrassed at having stretched the truth earlier on, she instead proceeded to give me a lecture on what we can and cannot use the home-study report for! Okay, can we at least have the report before worrying about its uses! Its primary purpose is to ensure that we are licensed to adopt a child. Sans the report, no license to adopt! This is the epitome of government efficiency! And we wonder where our tax dollars go? 8 months of jumping though hoops trying to get a simple home-study report! And our lives are pretty boring – what if we had some skeletons in our closets? Oh, I forgot, the agency told us they would be more than happy to make an exception if we had criminal histories!

Not Me! Monday!

2008-11-10T14:58:00.001-08:00

I so totally did not spend tax payer dollars watching the clock all day because our database at work is down for three days and they won't let us take the time off.

I so totally did not spend valuable work hours daydreaming that I have employed a cleaning service because I did not clean my house this weekend like I had intended to. For those in the know, do cleaning services attack the dust bunnies hiding behind your refrigerators?

I so totally did not spend valuable work hours planning things to do with my son tomorrow, because I have the day off.

And that my friends, is your tax dollars at work! Okay, my cubicle has never gotten such a good scrubbing, I have spent hours making sure that I am a totally 21st Century government employee -- I have made sure there is not a scrap of paper that has dared find its way into my cubicle in keeping with our paperless office policy. My Lotus Notes are organized and I only have two more hours to figure out appropriate uses of your tax dollars!

And now..............

2008-11-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

So, what is the status of our adoption plans? We are done with the requirements for the foster care adoption, now we just wait. Oh yeah--I still need to contact the social worker to give us a copy of the homestudy report. I had asked the social worker if we would get a draft copy before the typed the final copy. She advised that she does not do draft copies--just the final copy. You really get what you pay for! It will cost us $500 for the home study once we get and accept a referral from the foster care agency. The private homestudy will cost us about $3,300, but we at least get to see a draft report and can make corrections if the social worker even infers we are less than supper mommy and supper daddy:) Our social worker told us she normally takes three days after the last home study visit to write up the report. It has been more than three weeks since that auspicious event, so I had better get on the phone! On the International adoption end, we have a homestudy agency, the adoption agency application fees, the Immigration Services fees and faith that God will make a way for us to raise the rest of the money.

When there seems to be a lull in the process and nothing seems to be moving, God orchestrates circumstances to remind me of His Heart for orphans and that we are on the right track. On Thursday, we had training at work and I sat with a co-worker who is pursuing adoption and another co-worker who is looking at adoption, but who did not know where to start. It was a blessing to talk about adoption with people who "get it" and share my passion and enthusiasm. I was able to share my story and we really had a wonderful sense of community! On Friday, I was at a breakfast hosted by a local christian radio station, and when the general manager was introduced, you will not guess what she talked about! Yes, adoption! Her 3 year old son just arrived home from Rwanda 1 1/2 months ago! Their journey took 2 years and they were true pioneers in adopting from Rwanda. They got the adoption decree from the court 1 1/2 years ago, but had to wait 1 1/2 years for a document from the Rwandan government allowing their son to leave the country. The GM relocated from Colorado to California six months ago, leaving her extended family, friends and church family. She was totally not expecting to get the call 1 1/2 months ago to get her son because of the timing. A lesson I am having to learn--not in my time, but Yours Lord!

Streeeeeeeeeeeeetching Heart!

2008-10-31T11:24:00.000-07:00

My arms are still outstretched waiting for the child God will place in our arms. In the meanwhile, my prayer life has totally been transformed. I have "met" so many wonderful fellow adoptive mom on the blogosphere. My prayers are no longer an outward spiral with me and my needs at the center. Instead, I find myself praying earnestly and fervently for perfect strangers, their children and husbands. I am consumed with other people's needs and continually petition God throughout the day on their behalf. I pray for a little girl adopted from Guatemala who is sick in the hospital with Leukemia. I pray for a little boy who in the hospital after a horrific accident five weeks after arriving home from Ethiopia-he lost his legs, and they are not sure if his hand will work. I pray for a wonderful lady whose family is going through the grief of an adoption disruption. I pray for several wonderful families waiting for their children to come home or whose children are already home and are going through the adjustments of creating a new family. I pray for wonderful lady bloggers whose faith and walk in Christ are an inspiration and who force me to step out of my comfort zone and seek to do and be all that God intends me to do and be. Oh, yeah, when I am done with praying, I have totally forgotten to ask for my "wants" that a few months ago I was convinced were "needs".

Throughout this journey, my faith is being strengthened, my passion for those with no voice is being renewed daily and I am constantly praying to have the heart for orphans and widows that our Heavenly father has commanded us to have.

Yippee!

2008-10-25T19:09:00.000-07:00

We graduated!! We finally finished our three Saturdays of pre-adoption classes. We even got nice certificates to prove it! I have tons of notes and references for when baby finally comes home! We have our physicals next week and that should be it. Our social worker told us she normally takes three days after the last home visit to write the home-study report, so hopefully we should be good to go by end of next week. It seems surreal!

We had both prospective foster and adoptive parents in the class and the emphasis of the classes seemed to be on foster parenting. I guess this is to be expected—there are approximately 8,000 children in foster care in my county and last year, only 200 adoptions were completed from the foster care system. The downside to this is that they did not cover some important adoption topics like attachment issues.

The group dynamics continued to keep the classes interesting and lively. Our “class rep” was going on and on about a teen she knows who is currently homeless, but is doing very well and taking college classes. The “class rep” was trying to find out how the system could help her teenage friend, but one person finally put the responsibility on our class rep’s lap! She jokingly told her since she was there to get licensed to foster teenage children, and she was so concerned for her friend, maybe she could open up her home to the teenager! That took the wind out of our “class rep” and she was quiet for the rest of the afternoon! I never thought there was anything that could keep her quiet!

We had a visit from a mom and dad whose baby was taken from them when the baby was born prematurely and both child and mom tested positive for meth exposure. It put a face to the drug problem—most of the children in foster care have been exposed to alcohol and/or drugs in utero. The family looked like your bank employees or high school teachers. They took about a year before they cleaned up their act and went into residential drug treatment programs. For them, it is a story of redemption and hope which unfortunately is not the norm for most other parents whose children are in the foster care system. The family currently works with the Child Welfare Agency mentoring other parents whose children have been removed from their care. They help them navigate the system, get to the point of taking responsibility for their actions and encourage them to take advantage of all the resources provided so that they can clean up their act and get their children back. It was refreshing to hear the couple take full ownership of their actions that led to their child being placed in foster care. They shared their journey from anger and rage at the “system” and trying to blame everyone for their problems once their child was removed from their home to finally looking at themselves in the mirror and deciding the problem would not go away until they faced their demons and took advantage of all the resources they were being offered.

Pastors and Flying Plates!

2008-10-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend, we met a pastor who spent time ~~bragging~~ talking about how many churches he has planted. He is currently planting a new church and was inviting us to the opening service. I am not sure why he feels led to plant churches in an area where there is no shortage of churches and where only 6% of the population actually attends church regularly! There is no problem yet of churches that are full to capacity—most have more than enough room to quadruple their attendance without the need to expand or start another church. Maybe we should be encouraging people to attend the existing Bible Believing churches? But I digress--that is another matter altogether. I guess if I had not had the following conversation with him, I would have been more charitable. The pastor asked my husband and me how many children we had and I told him one and shared that we were being led by God to adopt. His unsolicited advice: adoption is a wonderful thing, but we should first have at least three biological children and then consider adopting another one! What!!!!!! My husband was inwardly cracking up waiting to see what his formerly introverted wife who is a newly minted fierce activist would say. I was quickly praying for grace and an appropriate response while at the same time wondering at the velocity of a paper plate full of food that I was holding if I "accidentally" dropped it and if I was in the path of danger! Thankfully God is full of grace and someone interrupted our conversation and took the pastor away from imminent danger! Needless to say, if I had been looking for a new church home, his new church would not be the choice for our adopted child/ren! It is obvious that he believes bio children have more worth or value than adopted children.

A Cry from a child's Heart

2008-10-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

During our preadoptive class today, we watched a video titled, "A Young Child's Point of View on Foster Care and Adoption" by The Infant-Parent Institute. The video has no pictures, just sound and words, but it has to be the most profound and moving video I have ever watched. It is narrated by children giving their view of foster care and adoption and there was not a dry face in the room after we finished watching it. It really makes you face the reality of adoption related behaviors (like bed wetting, defecating outside the parents rooms everyday for weeks, control through food, harming pets or even children in the home, etc). The video did an excellent job of showing how the children get to these behaviors, what the behaviors mean and what it means if a parent is not in there for the long haul. It really forces one to have to examine if they have what it takes to be there through all these behaviors. If one does not have what it takes to be able to deal with these behaviors, it does more harm to take in the child either as a foster or adoptive parent only to bail ship once the behaviors arise.

The social worker did keep her promise and give us a copy of the adoptive parents' rights that she had promised last week. The list is lengthy so brace yourselves! I will reprint word for word the rights:

Familes have the right to apply for and to be considered for adoption. If a decision is made not to approve a family for adoption they have the right to appeal the decision.

Yes my friends, that is the total extent of the rights of the adoptive parents! I turned the page over and over again to make sure I was not missing something. I even clarified with the social worker that I had gotten the right printout. Nothing about the right to services for our foster care adoptive children, nothing about the right to get all information about our children available to the foster care agency, nothing about a right to decline a placement of a chid whose needs a parent feels they cannot possibly meet, etc, etc.

Magic Number 8

2008-10-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

Yep, we finally had our 8th attempt to complete what should have been a four meeting homestudy (social worker interrupted the first meeting so that we could be transferred to another county's Child Welfare Agency; social worker missed 2 appointments; we had 1 visit with a social worker from the state before our local Child Welfare Agency decided we did not need to be licensed by the state after all. Finally, we had the mandated 4 visits with our current social worker)! I had been so looking forward to finally completing the home-study that I had not really been stressing much about the home walk through (the final part of the home-study process). Since we have a four year old, the home is already child-proofed so we did not really to worry about that. It was a pretty strange feeling having someone walk through your home as they go through the process of determining if you will be fit parents!

This final visit lasted for 2 1/2 hours. The social worker had insisted on having our son there for the final visit, but pretty much ignored him and asked if we could send him to another room once she got here! How does a four year old entertain himself in another room when mommy and daddy are home? He normally does not watch any T.V or movies during the weekdays and he did not know what to do with himself after being allowed to watch T.V. on a Thursday! He must have thought mommy and daddy finally lost their marbles! He finally took a nap after he figured mom and dad were not going to be too much fun to have around—no playing horsie, trains or hide and seek with dad today!

The social worker brought up open and closed adoptions. We discussed some of the pros and cons of the amount of openness based on the research I have done on the subject. I felt there were legitimate concerns and more so considering that the children in the foster care system have been forcibly removed from sometimes really dysfunctional birth families. There are issues like the child’s sense of rejection if the birth family stops contact, reduced ability to assimilate into the adoptive family, power struggles with the child possibly playing the birth and adoptive family against each other, identity confusion during the teen years, unreasonable expectations from both families etc, etc. However, the social worker really seemed to minimize these concerns and actually stated that only people on the fringe feel that open adoptions are not beneficial for all parties concerned! Now this is a social worker who works for the local child welfare system and most of the children come from really dysfunctional families and require supervised visits with the birth families! I think she has buried her head in the sand if she does not think there are legitimate concerns and considers everyone who has a differing opinion as being on the fringe! For me, this is an issue to be looked at on a case by case basis and one should not make a decision blindly without fully educating themselves on all the pros and cons.

To keep things ever more interesting, the social worker advised that she had been re-thinking her decision not to follow state guidelines in approving us to adopt either a girl or boy. California guidelines state that parents can be licensed to foster or adopt a boy or girl to share a bedroom if both are under the age of five. I thought this matter was closed and we were going to be approved to only adopt a boy. However, she said she had been re-thinking this matter and wanted to see what she could do to get a waiver for us and another family. She said it was actually not a County policy not to allow boys and girls under 5 years to share a room (which is what they had advised previously), but just general unwritten guidelines! I think the social worker was a tad disappointed that I was not overjoyed that she was making an exception for us! The one thing I have learnt through out this journey with the foster care system is to always expect the unexpected and that what we are told in one meeting will likely change in the next!

Finally Excited to take a class!

2008-10-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

After our false start 4 months ago, we finally started our Foster/Adoption classes today. We will have classes from 9-4 for the next three Saturdays. The class consists of prospective foster and adoptive parents. There are 4 facilitators in the class--2 social workers from our local Child Welfare Agency, a foster and adoptive mom, and a college professor in Early Childhood Education who is also an adoptive mom to three sons. In keeping with the place where we live, the social workers spent the majority of the morning talking about the rights of children. Needless to say, the “right” that was most emphasized was the right of the foster and adopted children to have the foster or adoptive parents provide access to images, movies, books and magazines with different types of gender and sexual identities that the children may decide to take on. They really hammered this point and finally one prospective foster parent asked what the rights of the foster and adoptive parents were! It was unspoken but clear to all that she meant the rights to have religious or personal convictions about bringing materials in their home depicting lifestyles that they may not agree with. One social worker really stammered through the answer and finally said she would bring a list of the rights of parents to the next class. am really curious what is emphasized in the pre-foster and adoptive classes in the Midwest!

I am always fascinated by group dynamics and it never fails that in every class I have ever attended, there is always one student who answers almost all the questions, tries to finish the teacher/professor’s sentences, as well as tries to clarify for the teacher/professor and the class what the teacher/professor meant! This class is not much different. We had tons of moments of comedic relief with our class “representative”. Our representative is taking college classes in Early Childhood Education and she took such pains to let the class and professor know that she is a good student and remembers all the terminology from her ECE classes! At almost any given moment, you could see people’s shoulders shaking or tears streaming down their faces as they tried to suppress their laughter—the four given speakers each used different techniques to try to ignore our class’s spokersperson so that they could move the class along. The techniques had varying degrees of success!

Green-eyed monsters?

2008-10-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

I just love, love, love my son’s pediatrician. He genuinely loves children and the practice of medicine. He is knowledgeable, patient, and never hurries you and constantly asks if you have any other questions. He has the ability to make you feel as though your child is the only child he has to see that day! He truly understands the angst of new parents and if you call with a minor problem such as a child throwing up, he will advise you what you need to do to keep the child hydrated. However, if he still hears any inkling of worry on the parents’ part, he will promptly make time to see your child and reassure the parents before sending them home with the same instructions as he had given them on the phone—usually pedialyte! He never makes you feel like a dork for worrying unnecessarily—his maxim is that a worried parent does not make a very good caregiver, so he believes in treating the child and making sure the parents are reassured! He totally believes in patient-centered medicine, and sees the practice of medicine as a partnership between the patient and the physician. He gives you all the different options about resolving a medical issue, and then his recommendation based on his experiences, but then totally lets the parents choose the option that works for them. Knowing that he has your child’s best interest at heart, it is so easy to follow his recommendations! We have never chosen an option that was not his recommendation!

Our son had his well-baby check up today and we discussed the adoption. He took time to ask us about our adoption and also gave us input from a pediatrician's point of view. He advised that most times when a new child comes into the home, parents tend to attribute the older child's acting out to jealousy of the new sibling. However, he told us that jealousy requires abstract thinking and a child has not yet mastered this skill. A child acts out to get attention because he or she understands that mom and dad are not spending the same amount of time with them as before. It would require abstract thinking to connect the arrival of the new child to the less attention and then going the next step to squarely place the blame on the new state of affairs on the new child. He said it would be the same as a parent spending a lot of time planning a family reunion. When the child acts out to get mom or dad's attention, the parent instinctively knows that the child is acting out because mom and dad are spending more time on the phone and less time with them. The parents never say the child is jealous of family reunions! He advised that the parents spend time trying to solve a problem that does not exist—“jealousy of the new child” instead of trying to solve the actual problem--carving out time to spend with the older child and reassuring the child of mom and dad’s love for them.

We talked about my son’s eating patterns, and while my son was playing with my husband and reading a book on trains, I told the pediatrician we are still trying to get new ways for my son to eat his vegetables. I did not even think that my son heard our conversation, but later when the pediatrician was examining him, he asked him what his favorite food was. My son promptly replied, “Vegetables”! Of course, I will be reminding him of this!

Life from a Four Year Old's Perspective.

2008-09-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

Our dear friends had their first baby and she is three weeks old today. My girlfriend is the first person my son knows personally who has been pregnant and these are some of his thoughts as my friend progressed in her pregnancy:

Early in the pregnancy when my friend was not showing and my son was trying to figure out how a baby could be in her tummy: "Your baby is mashed up in your tummy."

Farther along in her pregnancy to explain her expanding waistline: "You are eating too much."

After not seeing her for three weeks and she now being considerably bigger: "You have too many babies in your tummy."

Farther along in her pregnancy: "Your tummy looks like a garbage truck." Mommy's reaction--major embarrassment and wanting the earth to swallow her up. My pregnant friend's reaction--major laughter and repeatedly asking my son to repeat what he just said. Oh dear!

On our way to the hospital to see the baby after the baby was born: "Why does she need to go to see the doctor?" Mom: "So that the doctor can remove the baby from her mommy's tummy so that her mommy and daddy can hold her and love her and raiser her to be a big girl". Son: hysterical laughter for 15 minutes and saying I was kidding! I wish I knew the image he had or why he thought this was so hilarious!

After baby is born and he totally falls in love with her: "Marley's mom should not eat her baby and keep her in her tummy for a long time. That is not okay. We only eat food, not babies." He thought she ate the baby, hence the reason why her baby was in her tummy all this time! Okay mommy, how else would anything get into a tummy? :)

I am so thankful these are very good friends who know my son well and know he does not have a mean bone in his body! Of course it helps that he says these things with great concern, an endearing smile and when he is giving my friend a hug. Oh how a child's mind processes information and tries to figure out the whys of things!!!

He really loves their beautiful daughter and he keeps saying all the things she will be able to do when she is a little older. At one week old he was already trying to show her his train collection and is always thinking of toys they will be able to play with when she is older! My baby is not a baby anymore--he keeps reminding me that he is a big boy now and Marley is the baby.

Apologetics and Adoption!

2008-09-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

It is interesting that since we started our adoption journey, we have been having chance meetings with adoptive parents and also reading adoption articles in some of the magazines we subscribe to. This weekend, my husband and I went to an apologetics (a conscious, articulated defense of the claims of the Christian Faith ) conference and the topic of adoption is not quite the topic you expect to be addressed at such a conference. However, one of the speakers (Voddie Baucham) is an adoptive parent who is passionate about families. In one of the sessions, he was discussing a biblical view on love as opposed to the greco-roman myth we have regarding love. I cannot do justice to what he said, so I will excerpt his summary:

Myth 1: Love is a Random Force: "We don't choose who we fall in love with."
Myth 2: Love is an Overwhelming Force: "Love, according to the Greco-Roman myth, is an overwhelming force against which we mere mortals cannot hope to prevail.'"
Myth 3: Love is an Uncontrollable Force: "Love sometimes goes away as quickly and mysteriously as it came."
Myth 4: Love is a Sensual Force: "Love is equated with sex."

According to Baucham, the result of our culture largely buying into these myths is that "this kind of love. . . doesn't translate into other relationships. If love is a random, uncontrollable, overwhelming, sensual force, how do I love my kids?" It also makes love very tenous. Baucham points out that with this kind of notion of love, "Can we blame children of divorce for wondering when Mom or Dad is going to stop loving them the same way that they stopped loving each other?"

In contrast to the Greco-Roman myth, Baucham defines Christian love as "an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object."

If Christians had a biblical view on love, then they would never ask if adoptive parents love their adopted children as much as they love their biological children!

I had never heard of him, but he is a man after my own heart. For a sample of this thoughts, you can visit his website at:
http://www.voddiebaucham.org/vbm/home.html

Friends and Coffee!

2008-09-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I had a coffee date with a friend and she totally got the adoption thing! Most times when I share that we are planning on adopting, people are accepting, but I never get many questions! On the one hand, this is cool since everyone has taken the news in stride, but sometimes, I really want questions about our adoption journey. My friend specifically made the coffee date so that we could talk about the adoption, she asked lots of questions as well as specifically what she could do to help. Her enthusiasm was infectious! Thank you God for good friends and coffee!!!

Homestudy meeting number???

2008-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

(yes, 6th attempt--1 visit interrupted by social worker, social worker missed 2, had 2 meetings with dh and 6th one by myself. If all goes as planned 2 more meetings to go--one with dh and final one with whole family).

Today I had my meeting with the social worker and it was primarily gathering biographic information—where I was born, where I went to school, where I have worked etc, as well as my parents’ relationship, their parenting style, my relationship with my siblings and my dreams for the future. It felt strange spending about 1 ½ hours talking about myself! The social worker did ask some questions where she seemed to have already formed her own opinion. The answer was no to all presumptions, but I guess it was at the end of the day, we were both tired and something must have been lost in translation! All in all, the meeting was good. My husband meets with the social worker on Thursday, so we are moving along with the homestudy slowly, but surely.

Birthright

2008-09-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

Today we received a voicemail message from the lady we meet at the ‘Birthright’ booth during the People Fest. She left us the number to the adoption agency they work with. Okay, we had only been looking at foster/adopt and international adoption and now here is another option! Like we are not already confused enough!!! I know we cannot control the adoption process and really want to be receptive to the direction that God leads us. I don't want to go with the path of least resistance, but really want to follow God's leading. We need prayers for clarity!

PEOPLE F.E.S.T

2008-09-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

People F.E.S.T. was good. We went both days. My husband volunteered at the Good News Jail ministry booth on Sunday afternoon, while my son and I enjoyed sampling all the goodies—kettle corn, corn dogs and multiple flavors of shaved ice! There was a nice kid zone and my son enjoyed playing in all the inflatable astro jumps. My sister and her kids joined us on Sunday afternoon and I think the kids enjoyed the Christian bands.

The gentleman from Uganda who spearheaded the festival shared with my husband and I that a pastor had advised him not to use the name of Jesus Christ, nor give an altar call as this would put people off! Now, this was billed as an ashamedly Christian evangelistic event—from their posters, to their website, to their press releases, to the radio commercials. And a pastor would discourage the mention of the name of Christ???? And America is sending out missionaries to other countries??? Thankfully, the main organizer and the bands did not heed this advice—they relied on God’s Word. The main organizer clearly proclaimed the gospel of Jesus Christ on Saturday and Sunday and relied on the Holy Spirit to prepare the hearts of the hearers. Joseph Rojas, front man and songwriter for Seventh Day Slumber also gave a moving testimony of his transformation from a former criminal and drug addict to a redeemed husband and father. Praise God for the people who came forward to make a public confession in a public park during the altar call—and in California, no less!

On the adoption front, during the festival, we meet a couple who adopted 2 boys. I love hearing how God directs people to their children. The couple had started the adoption process through the foster system and had also informed friends and family of their adoption plans. They ended up doing private adoptions for both boys as people led them to two mothers who were making adoption plans for their unborn children. They also have an infant bio son and all three boys are gorgeous. We also got to speak to two wonderful ladies at a “Birthright” booth, which is a Pregnancy Ministry that seeks to counsel women to choose life for their unborn babies when faced with an unplanned pregnancy as well as offering counseling to women going through psychological trauma of abortion. One of the volunteers at the booth said one of the main reasons people choose abortion is because they cannot bear the thought of giving up their baby for adoption. So it is easier to allow your unborn baby to be cut up into pieces during an abortion or have a doctor partially deliver the baby, crack open the skull and suck out the brain before delivering the fully formed baby. If the baby survives the abortion, the baby is left in a sink to die. This is the better choice? Anyhoo, the lady advised she would keep us in mind if she met someone who was making a choice for life for their unborn baby and wanted to make an adoption plan.

Our local Child Welfare Agency also had a booth at the festival. I never saw a solitary soul go to their booth and the two social workers manning the booth were not making any effort to talk to anyone. I almost went to volunteer there!!! Come on people!!! Children in my County and State are in crises, they need good foster and adoptive parents and the outreach social workers are not making any effort? I think the social workers are so apathetic and they all seem so jaded. I have yet to meet a social worker who works with the Child Welfare Agency who seems to have any passion for the children they are charged with protecting. I think the two social workers only wanted to put in their overtime and then go back to the office and complain that people are not willing to step up to the plate to foster or adopt children from the foster care system. Boy, am I starting to sound like an activist!!! I am convinced that the system is not doing enough to ensure that the hurting children who have had to be removed from abusive or neglected homes go into loving homes. Instead, they are herded into group homes where nobody cares. It does not help that just this week in my county, a 15 year old girl died from abuse and tortue at the hands of her foster parent--her paternal aunt. The autopsy revealed that she had been burned with hot irons and whipped with belts and electrical cords over a long period of time. Her twin brother also suffered from long-term abuse and he is in protective custody. The children had not attended school since September 2007 and after the fact, people now report seeing black eyes and signs of physical abuse, but no-one did anything! The Child Welfare Agency was supposed to be making regular visits to the home, but the last visit made was in September 2007! If only they would have done their jobs, maybe this child would be alive today and her brother would not have to deal with lifelong issues from the torture he has had to endure and losing his sister in such a horrendous way.

I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase (1st Corinthians 3: 6-7, KJV).

Taps

2008-09-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of the festival and it started on a very somber note—a police officer was gunned down trying to protect the lives of six people trapped in a house with a gunman who was intent on killing. The officer had responded to a domestic violence call at a place of business. The gunman had gone looking for his wife and when he did not find her (she had hidden in a bathroom), he followed her cousin (who also worked at the same place) to her friend’s house. Inside the house were six people including three very frightened children. The gunman then shot and killed his wife’s cousin before killing the police officer. It was a very sad day and it was made more mournful by a Messianic Jew playing taps on his Shofar (ram’s horn blown during Yom Kippur-Day of Atonement and Rosh Hashanah-Jewish New Year). The last officer killed in the line of duty in my town was in 1973. The police unit in my town is very close knit and the neighboring cities were very helpful in covering their shifts as they mourn the loss of a colleague. The crazy thing is that all this was happening less than a quarter mile from church where we were having a meeting and totally oblivious to the tragedy unfolding. It was not until we were at the People Festival that the Vice-Mayor informed us what had transpired that morning. Please pray for the police officer’s family—he lives behind a wife and three young children. Please also pray for his other victim’s family—she leaves behind two children.

Thanks Doc--it worked!

2008-09-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

This morning, my son specifically requested to have veggies for breakfast so that his “bump” from last Friday’s mishap could go away! He ate up all his veggies—now I need ideas on how to make the bump go away! How cool it would be if our prospective child was around so that my son could encourage him to eat his veggies too!

ER and Veggies

2008-08-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

My son had a play date with his 17 month old cousin whom he adores--and she adores him right back. I had forgotten what a work out it is with a 17 month old! When my son was that age, he was totally into everything and we had to take turns eating whenever my husband and I went out to a restaurant! I always imagined girls were more laid back and could quietly sit for hours entertaining themselves with books. But, oh no--she keeps up with the best of them!

The kids had a wonderful time and when it was time for my niece to leave, my son in all his excitement ran like he was preparing for the 100m in the olympics and fall head long into the leg of a chair. He immediately got a huge bump and an ice pack was not doing the trick. We took him to the ER and the doctor was a doctor after my own heart. After checking out my son, she reassured us that God (now this is California where eveyone is afraid to mention God) made the forehead one of the hardest bones because He knew little boys would always fall on their foreheads and drunk adults too! She sent us off with another icepack and instructed my son to eat his veggies so that his ouchie could go away! My son is "allergic" veggies, but is now eating and asking for veggies so that his bump can go away! We left minus our deductible to do just what we had been doing (icepack), but with peace of mind and something else that was priceless--a veggie eating 4 year old!

Does it ever get better?

2008-08-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

When we had our first meeting in early June with the social worker from the Child Welfare Agency, we got Live Scan fingerprinting for the FBI and Child Abuse Registry clearance. However, when our first home-study visit was interrupted, the social worker requested the Fingerprint clerk to cancel the fingerprinting request since we were going to be working with a different county and our local Child Welfare Agency no longer had a right to know. In August, when we got bounced back to our local Child Welfare Agency, the social worker advised us that the clerk never removed the FBI and Child Abuse Registry clearance requests, and the social worker had received our clearance reports. She advised she would request copies and we did not need to be fingerprinted again. Well, today, she called me and even she had to laugh when informing me that the Fingerprint Clerk forgot to sign off on the FBI clearance. So, we will have to make another appointment to get finger-printed again!!! They do the live scan fingerprinting at the Child Welfare Agency and we could have avoided the inconvenience by getting fingerprinted the last time we met our social worker (August 14, 2008). Sweet!!!

The upside to our experience so far with the foster care agency is that God is giving me patience and grace—I did not even get annoyed after she told me we would have to come in and get re-fingerprinted. One of my biggest pet peeves is government ineptitude. I firmly believe that as public servants who are paid with tax dollars, we have a moral obligation to serve our customers with professionalism, efficiency and a true heart for public service. I am still amazed that both the social worker and I were heartily laughing after the call!

Status of our Adoption plans

2008-08-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

So what is the progress on our adoption? We are definitely going with International Adoption. So far, we have sold 7 pairs of sandals, and as soon as we have $500, we will send in our application. We had been set to send in our application and then our heater broke down on us. It was a 20-year old heater, so it had served its usefulness! We thought we could rough it, but after a week of heating water on the stove so that we could have a few inches of warm water in the tub for a bath, there went our resolve and with it, the money we had saved for the Adoption Agency application! So how are we coming up with the other funds for the homestudy? By relying on faith! We are doing a lot of praying and brainstorming for other fundraising ideas, praying some more and letting people know our plans, and then praying some more! We hope to be able to borrow $3,000 for our homestudy and once that is completed, we can apply for adoption loans and grants. Hopefully, we can soon come up with the $830 fee for the Citizen and Immigration Service application, so that we can start that process.

Our game plan is to move forward with the International Adoption and continue the process with the Child Welfare Agency as well. From the look of things, it may take two to three years to get a referral from the foster care system. So our second child will be an international adoption and our third from the foster care system. That is our plan, but we are laying all our plans at God's feet and will just be obedient to His leading.

People Fest.

2008-08-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

I met someone at the Park today from Uganda and he is a strong advocate of children in the foster care system. He knows the dismal outcomes of children aging out of the foster care system in California and rightly feels that the church does not reach out to the youth in group homes. His vision is to sensitize churches of this need and hope that the church would respond by coordinating with the group homes and picking up the children for youth night and/or sunday worship. Most of the children have never been to church and are only exposed to humanistic teaching in our public schools. He is organizing a "People Fest" at the park and so far 39 churches have shown interest. He is really challenging the local church to have compassion for the children in their neighborhoods. Last year, he led a mission group with 29 Americans to Uganda and his challenge is for people to have the same compassion for the local mission field.

Ironically, he plans to have the Child Welfare Agency have a booth at the "People Fest" to try and recruit foster and adoptive parents. From his interactions with social workers in the foster care system, he had the same misconception that I had that people are not willing to step up to the plate to adopt or foster children from the Child Welfare System. I think this is the line that the Child Welfare Agency keeps feeding people, but they sure put a lot of barries once people express an interest. In my office alone (and it is not a large office), 2 people are interested in adoption from the foster care system and 1 is interested in fostering. All of us started the process about six months ago, and none of us have a homestudy yet (not for lack of trying on our part)! Anyway, I plan on going to the "People Fest" and I pray for courage to talk to people about adoption. I am normally pretty shy, but I am asking God for blodness to be able to speak to pastors about the need to support christians who are adopting.

From the mouth of babes!

2008-08-22T23:38:00.000-07:00

Most nights, as soon as I put my four year old to bed, he suddenly remembers all the things he really must do or have before he can sleep. It will range from needing some water, saying his bedtime prayers again because he forgot to pray for someone or something (mostly his toy trains), or because he needs to use the bathroom for the 10th time! I normally rub his back and head when he says his prayers, and tonight after I had put him down to sleep, he called me back to his room requesting that I pet him! It was too cute I did not have the heart to correct him!

WILL YOU LET YOUR HEART BE STRETCHED?

2008-08-22T00:53:00.000-07:00

If only 7% of Christians chose to adopt there would be no more orphans! Not everyone has been called to adopt, but all can help bring home the orphans to those who have been called to adopt. When was the last time you prayed for orphans to be adopted? When was the last time you supported a family that was adopting? It is very easy for christians to send money to "sponsor" an orphan but a very different matter to get that same christian to commit to help a prospective adoptive parent adopt the "sponsored" child. Please prayerfully open your heart to the voiceless orphans--and pray that the Lord may stretch you to consider adoption or to help a family that has been called to adopt, but whose main obstacle is finances.